“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
-- Oscar Wilde
My dread secret is out, and I am relieved. This week I revealed that I, Guise Faux, am Commander Bunny.
Those of you who dare may read my confession on my other blog**. But if you are too
"...Guise ... really the Bunny, spoofing the dumber-than-rocks monkeys..."
"Radio Paranoia ... its really Commander Bunny making fun of the dumber-than-rocks monkeys, yet again."
"The question is; “Is Commander Bunny behind all these websites just jerking our chains”???"
"He’s been known to spoof the monkeys in the past...
...Commander Bunny is in fact Guise Faux..."
"...he controls these slack-jawed, lip-droolers too ... Commander Bunny was behind every conspiracy in Pirate Radio!"
"Is it any wonder that Commander Bunny is the MOST POPULAR PIRATE EVER! No other Pirate Operator has so many websites, so many blogs, so much attention, on them! FACE IT, Commander Bunny is the most popular Pirate ever, the facts are irrefutable."
And there you have the Full and Complete EVIDENCE, dear readers. Are you Surprised? For so many years my Genius has labored to create so many characters, alter-egos, aliases and noms de guerre that at times I could scarce recall who I really am. But Commander Bunny did it ALL for YOU! For your Entertainment! And how do You repay him? With nasty rumors and slanders!
My heart aches with myxomatosis yet I must at last reconcile myself to you. To all of you nasty monkeys, with your slanders and rumors and gossiping, destroying the work of good pirates. And not merely good pirates but ME, the Greatest Pirate of them ALL!
In the end the only true Friends I could depend on were my oldest and closest allies who have
But it's okay. It's okay. I pardon you...
"They cast a spell on you, you know, the monkeys. When you work closely with them, like I do, you see this. They have this power. It's like a virus. Some of my friends are infected with this virus. They should be pitied, not punished. They should receive treatment because this is as real as typhus. I see it all the time. It's a matter of QSLs? Hmm?"
So, while I am in such a magnanimous mood, I will permit some of you to forgive me for my transgressions.
AV: I know you didn't deserve the malicious treatment you got from me under my sockpuppet "Beans." And I made up that computer voice program blaming you for the July 4, 2008, computer voice broadcast that launched the pirate war. I guess we all died a little in that damn war.
Chris Smolinski: You were an okay guy. A little stuffy and pedantic at times. And you angered my friend Bill O. Rights. He's like Bruce Banner - you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Or green.
Radio Ga-Ga and Outhouse Radio: You guys are terrific pirates. And Outhouse got his cherry busted - how cool is that! He's got serious street cred now - I'm actually a little jealous... I might even have a tiny bunny-crush on the guy. It's just that damned SSTV... you don't know what it does to these sensitive rabbit ears. It's like pulling barbed wire through my skull. If you had ears like mine you'd understand. It made me crazy, so it's not my fault. But I'll accept your forgiveness because it takes a big bunny to admit when he's wrong.
Poet: We go back a long ways. BFF, right? Let's let bygones by bygones and I'll graciously accept your forgiveness if you promise to never play "Billy, Don't Be A Hero" ever again.
Al Fansome: Alas, poor Fansome. I knew him, Hare-atio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Well, before Kracker showed up around 2005 and behaved like Leo Gorcey with Asperger's Syndrome. He hath bored me with his backtalk a thousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.
Doc John: Canadians just rub my hare the wrong way. Must be all that plaid and those toques. You guys always look like you're going hunting. Makes a bunny nervous. Tell me more about this Naughty Acrobatic Monkey Bunny Love Assignations. Maybe we can be friends.
And last but not least, Spore: Dude, I totally forgot *I* did that cut-up, mashup version of the WBNY pirate feud show. I get so confused between being Guise Faux and Commander Bunny, I completely forgot I'd mashed up and deconstructed my own audio. And I blamed it on you? My bad. So, uh... sorry about that whole "child molester" thing. No hard feelings, right? Is that a shotgun...? Hey, can we talk? How about a QSL package, on the house... hutch.... okay, I gotta scurry now, nice talking with you.
Whew! I feel a lot better after getting that off my chest and allowing all of you to forgive me for my occasional minor lapses from brilliance to mere competence.
And don't you all feel silly that I TOTALLY FOOLED ALL OF YOU S-T-U-P-I-D MONKEYS!!! Vote for me and you'll never be fooled again. I will do all of the thinking for you.
Now, if you'll all give me your home addresses I have some very special QSL packages of carrots for each and every one of you.
CB, aka Guise Faux, aka The Greatest! Because false modesty is unbecoming of the truly Great when it's truly true.
**(Update 31 May 2011: In a peculiar twist, CB redirected his WBNY site to ToRP blog as of Memorial Day weekend, see screencaps hare, hare and hare. Thanks for the additional traffic... I think? -- GF)
Video of the Right F**king Now: The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. He's got a vicious streak a mile wide!