"...The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones."
--Julius Caesar, 3.II
by Brown Nose the Pirate
When I got this shit assignment, Guise Faux sez "All I'm giving you is a working title: 'The Irony of Anonymity'. The rest is up to you."
"Irony"? sez I. "The fuckizzat? Sarcasm for pussies?"
"It's about how the tradition of anonymity and pseudonymity in pirate radio has become a trap," sez the boss.
"A trap?" sez I. "You mean like Admiral Ackbar 'It's a trap!' or Jaye Davidson 'It's a trap!'?"
"Either. Both. Neither," sez the boss, raising one eyebrow and looking moderately surprised. A rare event. Nothing seems to surprise him.
"Ennyways, fuckami, goddam octopus?" I protest. "Awreddy got one hand onna keyboard, tryin'ta finish part four of this 'Fester' trilogy, other hand onna beer. Now I gotta write this pussy shit about 'irony'? Give it to Dea."
"Part four of the Fester triology is already three months overdue," GF replies patiently. "And Dea is on holiday to Manitou Island again. Noone has your taste for... blood. Write it any way you want."
He walks toward the door without another look. "Big bonus," sez the boss. "I'm counting on you," he sez.
He pauses at the door and sez, without looking around, "Don't let me down."
Suddenlike, the hare on the back of my neck is standing up.
Awright, whatever, I need the cash.
Past few years I been talkin' to lotsa people 'bout this U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene. Station operators, listeners, webmasters and moderators, other people who write 'bout pirate radio, Discordians, trolls and anarchists. Tell ya, shit people say, 'specially late night after the band goes long, the six pack is gone and th' Ambien or Xanax kicks in.
Truth comes out, late night, tellya what.
Radio tuff guys
Like Kracker bragging 'bout he's gonna stalk Shlomanski's wife or some such schit, or snitching out Fansome on air in 2008, or he's gonna kick in Evil Elvis's last tooth, or he's gonna talk toddler babytalk to some guy who looked crosseyed at Krackwhore's sugar daddy, Commander Bunny. Seriously - on IRC... Kracker plops in like a turd, and sez, I shit you not... "ninny nanny noo noo stick your head in doo doo."
*** Log file opened: 3/2/2008 1:32:34 PM
[14:09] Guest1 is now known as RJI[14:10] [RJI] ninny nanny noo noo stick your head in doo doo
[14:10] [RJI] pmlol
[14:33] Guest1 Laughs Out Loud :D
[14:33] Guest1 Laughs Out Loud 1,8:D
[15:05] ChrisSmol sets mode: +b *!*@Star812610.columbus.res.rr.com
[15:05] ChrisSmol has kicked Guest from #pirateradio
Fuckin loudmouth leprechaun, spin some more Grateful Dead or cry some more about Fat Steve or do sumpin yer good at like warm up CB's nuts.
Ennyways, 'scuse my fuckin French...
Common theme ya hear is how this whole thing about anonymity - pseudonyms, aliases, whatever you wanna call it - has been corrupted, misused by a coupla guys, the bunnyman and his favorite nuthugging homunculus goon, tryin' to set up this cult. 'Cuz that's what it is, let's face it, fuckin' pagan Ishtar "Eoster" cult set up by this one guy got a hare up his butt, if ya catch my drift and I'm purty dang sure ya do. Other goon, tryin' to set up this Blowing League SubMoron clench onna FRN. And that's more of yer irony right there - Malaclypse, Hubbard, Jack Parsons, Stang, all 'em guys, gotta be laffin' their asses off at these clowns.
See, originally, these pirates, free radio operators, whatever, they gotta watch out for the FCC. Back in the day, this was serious stuff, big fines. And embarrassing. Some a these guys, they got licenses at stake - ham radio, some even in commercial radio. Maybe some work in government or politics, consultation and whatnot. Even a magazine editor got busted back in '91, running a 13-hour mobile marathon. FCC, serious fuckin business back in the day.
So, you don't use real names or addresses.
You don't reveal the names and locations of fellow pirates. Ever. Because you'll never be trusted again.
And since you don't know for sure who's a pirate and who isn't, why take a chance on exposing anyone's real name and location in the pirate scene? Look at the situation with Kracker in the summer 2008 "pirate war." He thought Fansome was "only" a listener. And Kracker's jealous, see, has this bunny crush on Commander Bunny and wanted to be CB's bitch. Kracker don't like it, Fansome getting a special QSL package from the bunnyman, and Fansome cracking wise about the bunny. So he outs Fansome by real name and address, claims he got the info because Fansome "ordered a t-shirt." Who's sellin' t-shirts? Not Kracker. The bunnyman is. And now Kracker hasta wear a snitch jacket forevermore.
And now ya gotta wonder how secure your identity is when you order WBNY swag offa ebay, or send for a real QSL card. Who knows who's gettin' yer info now, am I right? Whole trust thing, it's blown, cuz a' this loudmouth leprechaun. And now the hareball hisself, he can't be trusted neither.
Don't break the seal
See, the whole anonymity/pseudonymity thing is like drinking beer and trying not to piss. Cuz once you break the seal, a whole lotta piss is gonna come out. And keep comin' out.
So, say a guy wansta be a pirate. He comes up with a good radio name, station ID, preferably sumpin' easy to copy with weak signal or lotsa static. Off to the races. Hook up a transmitter and some wire, put out a signal and then... what? Who heard you? You dunno. Maybe you wait for signal reports, like in Monitoring Times inna old days. Maybe you don't wanna wait.
So you find a mail drop. Can you trust the guy? Who knows, ya hope so. Cuz past few years ya got some reason to wonder, what with Krackwhore McIdiot in '08 bragging about having the bunnyman's mailing list and whatnot. Starts reading out names an' addresses over the air, blowing crap 'bout he's gonna do this to so-and-so, gonna do that t'other guy. And now ya even got the bunnyman himself threatening to drop a dime on ops he don't like. And the bunnyman making all this noise about how real pirates send real QSL cards, right. Lotsa pressure. Like you start wonderin'... is he tryin'ta collect a database of names and addresses? Cuz ya hear things, y'know, I'm just sayin'.
So, back in the day, sure, anonymity, pseudonyms, handles, whatever, yeah, serves a purpose. Now, you think, maybe not so much. It's just part of the act, part of the show, put on a good show for the listeners, right? Don't even need a mail drop. Listener wants a QSL, send an eQSL. Make the resolution high enough it'll print postcard size just fine.
FCC? Minor problem, mostly warnings the past year, 2010 and this year, before then, not much a nothing. Not like FM, those guys get socked harder. But now... you hear things, y'know? Like maybe some insider is a snitch.
Why still with the charade, then? Why the big deal about aliases within the pirate "community," and I use the term loosely, my friend. Why the whole Secret Squirrel stuff?
Control, my friend, it's all about control. Mind control, black propaganda, dirty tricks. Stuff a media savvy guy or political hack would know. A guy like Pat Murphy. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm only here to praise Murphy, not bury him. Cuz we're all men of honor, amirite?
An' howza guy like that get that kinda savvy? WROV bio sez he was Jerry Michael Graves for awhile. Virginia news sez he flip flopped between names depending on whether he's working radio or political hack jobs. So, he's Michael Graves as assistant to the Montana governor in the 1980s, then back to Pat Murphy as a radio guy, then back to Graves when he's working for some Virginia area transportation authority. Then Murphy again.
So, this is an experienced guy, savvy, knows how the game is played. He's not gonna get caught in anything sketchy, right? He's gonna stay above the fray, use his experience to keep the pirate scene chill, right? He's gonna be neutral, right, support the whole pirate scene, not play favorites. Cuz we're all honorable men here.
See, the FCC... ain't a pirate's worst enemy. What's FCC gonna do? Basically, waggle a finger, "You're a naughty pirate, don't do it again, kthxbai!" Is he gonna expose your identity, home address... well, maybe, sure, depends on the situation. With a warning, maybe not even that. Is he gonna try to incite people to harass you, badmouth your business? Nah. Threaten to stalk your family, like Kracker did in 2008? Nah. Is he gonna use a buncha sockpuppets to fag up the interbutt, squeeze out a buncha Astroglide and fist himself, tell himself how great he is? Nah. Is the FCC guy gonna whine "Yer ruining pirate radio! Nasty monkeys! Cowardly keyboard commandos!" Nah. Is FCC guy gonna call you a child molester like Commander Bunny does when he's having a big boo-hoo, pull a buncha dirty tricks to humiliate you, chase you away so he can go back to suckin his own sockpuppets? Nah. What kinda crazy person would do that? Makes no sense, am I right?
A pirate's worst enemies?
Same as the cannibal hamsters who gnaw on each other on 14275 and 14313 USB. 'cept those guys don't hide behind some fake, bullshit pirate code of anonymity.
See, the irony of anonymity is that the biggest attention whores hide behind their smoke screens singing "Looky me! Looky me! I'm the greatest pirate of them all! But you gotta pretend you don't know who I am!" while ratting out anyone they don't like.
Like Yogi Berra said, all pirates are liars or crybabies. Or was it pitchers? I dunno.
Lookit Commander Bunny. Huge attention whore and drama queen. "Looky me! Lookyme!" alla time. Cripes. Whines about how Poet supposedly revealed his location. Huh? CB sez he's in Missoula, Montana, on his own publicly accessible Facebook page. Same place Bill O. Rights of Radio Free Speech claims to be. I guess the bunnyman is living in a hutch outside Billo's one-holer now.
Meanwhile, someone onna Blowing League posts a biography on their pmlol.com site, saying Pat Murphy actually is Commander Bunny and Bill O. Rights and a buncha other legendary pirate stations. Right there onna page, sez it's the only authorized biography for Pat Murphy, Commander Bunny, Bill O. Rights and whatnot. So, who wrote that? Kracker? Some other f00kin slohb? Why the hell would they wanna slander a respectable guy like Pat Murphy that way, a man of honor? Cuz we're all honorable men here, amirite? Is it the Bowling League that Commander Bunny and Pat keep saying are ruining pirate radio and exposing good pirates?
"...their pmlol.com site, saying Pat Murphy actually is Commander Bunny and Bill O. Rights ... who wrote that? Kracker? Why the hell would they wanna slander a respectable guy like Pat Murphy that way?"
And, hey, don't shoot the messenger, we're only the piano player, y'know, we didn't play that song and dance on the pmlol.com site, we just read it and wondered why someone would write that kinda stuff about a well respected guy like Murphy. An honorable man like him.
Point is, remember what I said about "don't break the seal"? Yer drinkin' beer, once you start pissin', once ya break the seal, ain't no stoppin' it. Same with this whole pirate radio anonymity/pseudonymity game. Ya break the seal, watch out for the pissin', cuz there ain't no stoppin' it. And, buddy, there's a bladder full of piss stored up right now.
I mean, this Commander Bunny, he's the same guy using all these sockpuppets to mess with people all these years: Beans, Mosby, Bouncer, Thumper... who knows how many more? Ya gotta wonder about "lovemyradios", Winston, "2531" and "MIB". Wazzat? like "Man In Bunnysuit"? MIB is the one who couldn't wait to link to Poet's bust on the FCC site... like MIB knew it was coming.
This is the same bunnyman who called "Spore" a child molester and then published the schlub's name, ham call sign, address and then publishes the names, call signs and addresses for the schlub's family? The guy's family, fer chrissake. Classy, bunny, classy.
This is the same harebrain who makes up his own rules about whether to respect the anonymity of other people in the pirate scene:
"...the protections, extended to pirates, does not (sic) include you. Even if you were to go on the air and be a pirate, it wouldn't count now, its (sic) called "EX POST FACTO" but you so (sic) smart, I'll bet you figure it all out. But just in case, the protections, are not retroactive! Sorry but you lose."
--Beans, December 28, 2009, the "Spore" incident. (Beans is/was a sockpuppet for Commander Bunny.)
The Canuck Trollmaster Flips the Bunny. Flips Him For Real.
This bunnyman, he's the same myxomatosis-infected guy tried to use his lame "email@example.com" alias, pretending to be from Lethbridge, Canada, trying to con Doc John of Northern Relay Service. This "Bob Smith" mook's IP traces to Virginia! And Doc John flips the con around on the bunnyman! Masterful trolling, so hilarious it'll get its own blog entry. So ComBun has a hissy fit cuz he got trolled and conned by a master, and starts pissin' all over the FRN about how IRC is "evil", and hasta use half-a-fuckin-dozen aliases to support his lame whining. It is precious!
"IRC the destruction of Pirate Radio - The FRN Grapevines"
And then this past February "Bob Smith" tries to get Doc John busted by reporting him to the authorities in Canada! Yeah, no shit. "Bob Smith" files a complaint with an amateur radio club in Canada, with the CBC, with Industry Canada, all because the mook can't stand a little competition from another relay service. Talk about yer fuckin hareball!
And now we hear Poet of The Crystal Ship gets The Knock. And the agent seems to know way too much about Poet in advance. And "MIB" on the FRN seems to know way too much in advance - like he's knows it's comin', and he just can't wait to crow about it. MIB... Man In Bunnysuit? Murphy In Bunnysuit? Nah... nah... couldn't be, cuz he's an honorable man.
Poet, The Crystal Ship, one of the true veterans of the U.S. pirate scene dating back to the early 1980s... snitched out? How does this happen? Among these honorable men?
"There were only two people who had my real name," Poet tells me. "I've been very careful," he sez...
"...except for that damned t-shirt."
From Commander Bunny's WBNY blog declaration of 19 May 2011:
"What I will do is make sure everyone on my mailing list knows who is really behind the lies, rumors and cowardly attacks. Everyone is going to know their real names, their real locations and have a complete portfolio on the nasty monkeys behind the destruction of Pirate Radio."
--Commander Bunny demonstrates ninja choke hold on irony
The bunnyman's intentions seem pretty damn clear. And that's pretty damn close to the date on which Poet got The Knock from the FCC, and the dates in May specified in the FCC's warning letter.
"If I knew where you were located, and wanted to "scare you" I'd used (sic) your real address..."
--Commander Bunny, WBNY blog, July 26, 2011, before later revision in which he did publish Poet's real name and full address. (Full resolution download available here.)
"...here is the name and location of the "visit" by the FCC."
Gxxxxxx X Bxxxx--Commander Bunny, WBNY blog, July 26, 2011, one of several revisions that day, this one in which he did publish Poet's real name and full address. The FCC notice specified only the name and city. Commander Bunny added the specific street address. That information has been obscured here in the text version only to make a Google search a little more difficult. The screencap contains the original copy of the WBNY blog and is also available in HTML.
3xxx Cxxxxxx AVE
LANSING, MI 48xxx
"This guy [Doc John of Northern Relay Service] doesn't belong in the pirate community. We've always taken care of problems within our own group. This guy is a problem. A big problem... We've dealt with trouble makers in the past and if they are ignored, they go away. If you have a solution, you think will work, do it, for the sake of pirate radio..."
--Commander Bunny, March 2011 (Note: Pat Murphy, under his "firstname.lastname@example.org" alias, had already filed a complaint against Northern Relay Service to a Canadian amateur radio organization in February 2011.)
Sorry, CB, pirate radio is not your personal army. Go raid your sock drawer and see if ya can get Beans or Mosby or Bob Smith to call the FCC next time you feel the need to hack up a hareball.
So, Commander Bunny is wondering why people suspect he might have snitched out Poet to the FCC? And all the other people, ops and listeners, he's screwed over while hiding inside his Secret Hutch of Anonymity?
Meanwhile, CB wants everyone else to pretend we don't know who he is, and respect his anonymity.
Now that's ironic.
See Poet's blog for his description of the curious events involving his visit from the FCC: The Crystal Ship Has Run Aground."Curiouser and curiouser!" cried Alice, from her vantage point down the rabbit hole.