Saturday, April 28, 2012

Video Documentary Project About Community, Free, Pirate Radio

This arrived in our email last week via Andrew Yoder.  Many of our readers have already seen it.  This post is primarily for those who may not be on those email lists, which may include station operators who have never publicly given any contact information.

My initial reaction was skeptical - but not toward Andrew or Professor Hepler, in the slightest.  I'm confident that Andrew is as fair, neutral and objective an observer as you'll find anywhere in the shortwave pirate radio scene - certainly far more so than I am.

Personally I'm looking forward to Professor Hepler's documentary and sincerely wish him well in that pursuit.  There's no lack of colorful characters and anecdotes in the North American shortwave pirate radio scene.

Note that I added the "free" and "pirate" radio descriptions to this post's headline due to the nature of the readership of Tales of Radio Paranoia.  As the professor's letter explains, he prefers the less pejorative term community broadcaster.

In a rare break from this blog's usual snarky tone, I'll reserve further comment for a later blog post.


Dear community broadcaster,

I write asking for your help, but I don't call you "pirate" because I believe that miscommunicates what I'm finding to be your motivation and purpose--and I'm just back from meeting the original offshore broadcasters of Holland and England who similarly broke barriers in the English Channel in the 1960s.

I am a college professor doing a video documentary on both causes: yours and the historic broadcasters of the 1960s. I am very aware of the persecution going on among you U.S. broadcasters and your need for confidentiality. Toward that end, I interviewed a community broadcaster at Winter Fest outside Philly a few weeks ago--in silhouette--and that interview should be attached with Andy's email for you to see. The interview brings good news and good news--no kidding--in that the guest got to express his views and our silhouette completely protected his identity. This is what I offer you: a chance to express your views at no risk.

I have already been asked to present this finished documentary at Winter Fest next year, though I await an official invitation. I will present it to a national conference of educational colleagues in April 2013, and perhaps to the professional broadcasters' conference (the NAB) if they'll have me. After that, I suppose any further distribution would be up to Europeans or other interested parties, should such interest come about.

I leave for a 5-week trip across the U.S. around May 1. With your say, I'd like to give you a chance to be a part of this work if you're anywhere near my route. Your confidentiality--and message--are everything to my documentary. With your approval, I will honor both. Thanks for your consideration.

Wayne Hepler
Baltiimore, MD
(4*1*0) 6*8*8-3*9*0*0

Thursday, April 26, 2012

HERETIC DENIES EXISTENCE OF COMMANDER BUNNY: Murphy thanks JTA "for taking out the trash"

From Profile Photos
Evil Anonymous Voices of Treason

"Commander Bunny is not real," declared Belfast, NY, mail drop manager John T. Arthur, a veteran of the U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene.  This astonishing news, posted in a recent commentary (Analysis of an FCC Visit) on the Former Rabbit Nuthugger's website, shocked his disciples and confounded DXers.

But, he warned, "The bad attitude is still out there," gesturing toward the ramshackle hutches and festering mounds of cecotropes surrounding the FRN,  a potential breeding ground for myxomatosis reinfection.

"Thanks for taking out the trash, JTA," said FRN propaganda minister Pat Murphy, as the last vestige of the Lagomurphic infestation was eradicated. "Needed to be done for a long time."

We interviewed several sage observers of the tumultuous radio hobby for their reactions:

"Thank God, maybe now JTA will stop mailing those WBNY fridge magnets with gay porn on them."

Matt Purphy
Burger King Rabbit Griller

"No, no, no, Commander Bunny is only mostly unreal."

Miracle Max

"Oh, great, what the hell am I going to do with all these 'Commander Bunny: FCC Snitch' bumper stinkers?  Oh, well, if he isn't real then it isn't possible to expose him, insult him or destroy pirate radio.  So that's a good thing."

Stop Sign

 "He must be real.  I just slept with him last night!"

Coney Twentytwelve
Nude QSL Model

"Commander Bunny is as real as that Alaska bridge.  My dummy Kracker and I can see him from my house!"

Sarah Palin


Super Genius

"Okay, JTA, I'm only giving you two more chances to deny me.  And you couldn't tell me this before I spent all that money on Lucifer's Testicles and browsing gay porn for my fridge magnet QSLs?  And spent Easter weekend on a cross?"

Commander Bunny

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Man In Bunny Suit On Cross Would Like To Come Down Now

GOLGOTHA, Easter, 8 April 2012 - A Hampton Roads, VA/OBX, NC, man in a bunny suit who spent the better part of Easter Sunday transmitting secret messages while hanging from a crucifix to which he nailed himself on Friday would like you to know that he's only going to put up with your lack of fealty and shenanigans for another hour or two before he has a good mind to come down and not send you any gifts.

"The Passion of the Lagomurph" by Thomas Kinkade, his final painting

"I spent the better part of March tweaking my Grenade transmitter, mounting my Super Loop antenna atop this crucifix, dying eggs, weaving baskets, hand-crafting grass from organic materials," said the clearly peevish man in the tattered pink fuzzy costume, "not to mention countless hours browsing gay porn sites and printing photos of nude men on refrigerator magnets... and the best you can do is 'Decent signal into WNY for a change.'?"

"I must say, this is going to put a serious damper on my enthusiasm for some of you after I'm resurrected," the man intoned carefully and deliberately, wanting you to understand the full extent of his disappointment with your failure to log his Easter weekend shortwave pirate radio broadcasts. "Ppbbbt! Ppbbtt!" he added, trying to use his tongue to dislodge a bit of pink fuzz that had fallen onto his lip.

Meanwhile, Thomas Kinkade, famed 'Painter of Light' and 'Pisser of Pooh', was resurrected Sunday after his unexpected death Saturday, April 7.

"It's a family tradition," explained Jesus. "Every year we have the pick of two assholes, one of whom gets the Paradise ticket with me."

Said the Risen Son of God, "It was an easy choice this year. Kinkade made a lot of grandmothers and great aunts happy."

The Messiah added, "We received lots of affidavits extolling the virtues of the fellow in the bunny suit, but upon investigation they all turned out to be his own sockpuppets. Besides, my Father, The Holy One, Blessed Be He, takes a dim view of fellows who fondle Lucifer's Testicles. His ticket is for the southbound train."

Saturday, April 7, 2012


by Pheme Ossa
Senior Discordian Correspondent

Kitsch artist and self-described "Painter of Poo" Thomas Kinkade, 54, died Easter weekend just as detectives were investigating his connection to shortwave pirate radio slandercaster Commander Bunny of WBNY. The notorious Virginia Bunnyman has been under investigation for distributing obscene and libelous materials through the U.S. Postal System.

Kinkade's final diary entry, in a lovingly hand-crafted traditionally bound journal, revealed the artist may have been ill. "Bad Friday. Hope to bounce back Sunday," read the cryptic Easter eve entry written in fountain pen and India ink, $127.99 at any authorized Kinkade gallery, on artisan crafted watermarked paper, $19.99.

Pressured by accusations of fraud, facing bankruptcy and mounting legal bills, Kinkade's most recent commission was Photoshopping heads of "enemies" onto nude male bodies for Commander Bunny, which sources say revealed the Lagomurph's secret gay porn obsession. The Virginia Bunnyman covered his tracks by claiming these were for QSL packages, which sources confirm were mailed to puzzled radio listeners. "I didn't ask for this shit," exclaimed an Ohio DXer. "I've never even heard Commander Bunny's baby monitor broadcasts. Nobody has beyond his own backyard hutch." Added the baffled pirate radio fan, "I"m burning this crap before I get arrested."

"Commander Bunny apparently thought I did pervy porn because he misspelled my name 'Kink Aid'," the self-described 'Painter of Poo' told investigators recently. "Commander Bunny had discussed a commission painting him as a nude crucified messiah of pirate radio," Kinkade revealed in affidavits. "He seemed to want to emphasize these would be nudes because he capitalized and underlined the words 'Commander Bunny', 'Nude', 'Messiah' and 'Lucifer's Testicles'."

Wikipedia entry for Thomas Kinkade, 'Painter of Poo', April 7, 2012

Kinkade died during a peaceful slumber, a single perfect aromatic candle burning nearby and casting a warm orange glow through his mountain cottage window, where the light glistened across a snow covered garden 'neath a crystal clear sheltering sky bathed in full moonlight on a beautiful Easter eve.

The angelic ghost of Bob Ross paused a moment from painting happy trees to welcome Kinkade to his heavenly reward. Grandmothers and great aunts across the nation joined in mutual mourning.

In a darker side to this story, police speculated Kinkade may have been murdered. His body was covered in Peeps marshmallow residue and traces of Easter basket grass were found in his nostrils. Authorities suspect he may have been murdered to prevent him from revealing the Bunnyman's plot to hide his gay porn distribution and blackmail business under the guise of mailing QSL packages. Documents - written in flowing calligraphy on finest parchment ($17.99 per 10 sheets) - seized by police from a lovely oaken rolltop desk ($1,449.99) in Kinkade's cottage, indicate the painter had discovered the Lagomurph planned to use his QSL porn distribution to blackmail recipients into revealing the names and locations of all shortwave pirate radio operators and listeners.

Unavailable for coherent comment at press time, Commander Bunny recently admitted in a work request found in the artist's home that he had become obsessed with what he described as "the chiseled abs, well toned calves and shapely buttocks of a certain Michigan pirate and West Virginia scofflaw." Sources who are uncomfortably close to the Lagomurph say he had apparently become conflicted due to his simultaneous infatuation and revulsion over finding himself attracted to fearless outlaws and men who flout the petty laws of polite society.

Investigators say they have found evidence that Kinkade's death might be linked to an attempt by the notorious Virginia Bunnyman to cover his tracks. As of press time, investigators were searching through closets throughout the Hampton Roads, VA, and North Carolina Outer Banks region. "We've found evidence of the Bunnyman's presence in several closets," said a detective, holding up baskets full of Lucifer's Testicles, known to be one of Commander Bunny's addictions. Attendees to the 2010 SWL Winterfest reported seeing the lonely Lagomurph sitting at a table hawking t-shirts, refrigerator magnets and bumper stickers, and asking male DXers to pose for Polaroids.

Web traffic patterns indicate The Furry Rabbit Nuthugger's website, formerly known as the Free Radio Network, experienced a sharp increase in hits from Russian porn mob sites, the FCC and a number of Westboro Baptist Church Castrato Choir members in response to Commander Bunny's use of the FRN to solicit trafficking of his obscene and libelous "Easter QSL packages".

Commander Bunny of WBNY trafficking in obscene and libelous materials on the FRN,
described by sources as his "Furry Rabbit Nuthugger" porn site.

Details and photos will be added to this story as they become available.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Commander Bunny Doesn't See Anything Good This Friday, May Pass Over This Easter

Iconography by Dea Fauxnette

Surveying the wreckage of his once formidable following of sockpuppet disciples, now tattered and scattered by heavy losses over a yearlong series of skirmishes, shortwave slandercaster Commander Bunny of WBNY pawed sadly through his empty drawers, two days before Easter, and moaned "This is not a very Good Friday."

"Eagerly have I desired to eat this Passover with you," he mumbled, munching on cecotropes while dispiritedly kicking the frayed remains of Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer and a pile of unrecognizable fragments of fabric, stiffened by repeated dousings with what the Bunnyman calls "Holy Water" sprinkled from his "Peter Cottontail".

When last seen the Lagomurph was building a cross made from leftover unclaimed QSL packages, stuck together with bumper stickers.

"My socks! My socks!" he sobbed, "Why have you forsaken me!"

Right click to save this full sized 1532 x 1000 Holy Relic for your desktop wallpaper.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Murphy and Commander Bunny, together again for the worst time!

by Guise Faux

According to a WBNY blog press release published and quickly retracted this weekend, Tales of Radio Paranoia has learned that self-esteemed shortwave radio slandercaster Commander Bunny and veteran support hose master Pat Murphy will join forces for a new radio team that may be heard as far away as the ramshackle hutches and abandoned pickup trucks on cinder blocks in the Lagomurph's back yard.

"We're calling it 'Murphy in the Moaning With a Wild Hare'," said Murphy referring to his penchant for moaning and whining about how the internets and IRC are evil and ruining pirate radio.

"No, that's ridiculous!" protested Commander Bunny. "The show is named 'Commander Bunny and the Double-Faced Dipshit Who's Been Riding My Coat Tails For a Decade', the Lagomurph insisted.

Commenting on the merging of Murphy's primary strength as a Goebbels-style communications adviser and the Bunnyman's fecundity in producing sockpuppets to support his internet celebrity, Murphy said:

"Any fool can buy a computer and put up a website. My new partner Commander Bunny is proof of that. And there is no standard of truthfulness, to keep people from not only telling lies, but passing them along, as CB has demonstrated week after week on his blog. Lot of completely false information that is passed along as truth. I, for two, am really excited about this opportunity to join my better half in making ourselves famouse."
--Pat Murphy, FRN, "Internet? Good thing? Or the devils phone booth?" March 24, 2012

The tentative show format will consist of:
  • Rehashed monkey jokes and South Park audio clips, making Rich Koz's 'Svengoolie' shtick seem witty in comparison.
  • Bribing listeners with refrigerator magnet and bumper sticker tracking devices.
  • Munching cecotropes (known as "brown M&M's")
  • Accusing rival morning radio teams of being pedophiles.
  • A fake suicide prevention hotline where they encourage callers to commit suicide.
  • Bitching about lawyers and the cost of liability insurance after the above.
  • Debating the differences between sluts and trust fund bitches.
  • Filing complaints to the FCC and Industry Canada about pirate radio operators.
  • Darning socks while reminiscing about the good ol' days when you were lucky to hear a pirate once a year and used spark gap telegraph to notify friends about pirate broadcasts.
  • Whining about Undercover Radio being clearly heard worldwide by real listeners rather than resorting to FRN sockpuppets to log WBNY baby monitor transmitter shows nobody actually heard beyond the Lagomurph's backyard polk salad garden.
  • Arguing over whether the internuts is a series of tubes or a big truck.
  • Giving each other back rubs.
  • Picking up their final paychecks after a week of the above.

"Group hug!" enthused Murphy to his new partner, as he bundled together half a dozen socks and stuffed them into his underpants.

"I'm really looking forward to working with these guys," declared Commander Bunny, as he patted the sock bulge in his new co-host's trousers. "They have a proven track record of worshiping me and reassuring me that I am the greatest shortwave pirate ever," the Lagomurph panted as he continued to lovingly stroke the bulge.