Sunday, June 12, 2011

Dishing With Dea: Lightning Strikes Weiner

From Radio Paranoia
Dishing With Dea

Only time for bits and pieces, darlings! Like the White Rabbit, I'm late!

Bad Andy sez he's pulling his web info and YouTube videos related to the Corsair. Cites "FCC moles" lurking on "blogs" or some such trifle. Honestly! As Guise Faux all-too-often reminds the RP staff, we're trolls, not moles. There's a difference, darlings.

On the one paw, sounds to us like pouting. On the other paw, BA has worked quite hard to master his craft and he's earned the right to share the information with, or withhold it from, whomever he pleases. Such is genuine anarchy, which we support. Meanwhile, the rest of you rascals had better copy those schematics and videos whilst you may. (GF hints he'd actually buy a Corsair if BA offered one for sale, but I advised him to not hold his breath. He hasn't done much to court their favour. Besides, he's quite ghastly when he turns blue.)

John Lightning of Radio NewYork International exclaimed Sunday he'd finally found a Weiner he could mangle without fear of retaliation. We're not certain we wish to know any more details. Should you, and assuming you missed his live programme on WBCQ's Area 51 block Sunday night, the audio file should be available soon. JL is quite the card. Perhaps we at RP are too thick in the skull and skin to be offended by his comments, as some are. Why, look! He even managed to persuade some celebrity or politician to pose for a promotional photograph!

Continuing 24 hour bandscans to check for apparent skeds of utes indicate a continuing risk of QRMing various official comms between 6900-7000. We'll try to post an updated bandscan soon. Meanwhile the mid-May scan is available here.

Is Prime Minister Palpatine blaming blogs for the decrease in pirate radio activity? Or is he crediting a spike in blogging to the non-existent propagation? One never quite knows with the Empire. Quite a challenge to interpret it.

And, in response to some helpful information and links from "phlegm" on the FRN, including a link to a map to show locations of FCC monitoring stations, derived from Google maps, the Prime Minister sez:
"You won't find this kind of stuff anywhere else (unless they steal the links)." -- The Prime Minister

Well... perhaps. Unless KC2DWQ (aka "Dr. Who" - no, not the MAC one; the Tardis chap) took a time machine trip back to March 2009 to post the same info on QRZ. Darn those nibbly hamsters, always gnawing content retroactively from the Fabulous One's hutch. (

We also note the PM keeps referring to unspecified "internet sensations" and "haters" and longs for the good old days. And don't we all. If only he'd been more successful in employing his considerable expertise in diplomacy to influence CB and His Hareness's sock drawer to turn down the angst volume from a deafening 11 to a merely brain-numbing 7 or so.

Rumour has it Commander Bunny sez he's scurrying back down the rabbit hole until wabbit season is over. We're actually rather sorry to hear that. We do enjoy his programmes. Oh, well, if we must we suppose we'll go back to scraping content from the bountiful supply of other kooky radio personalities for amusement. Between Alex Jones lamenting the current Bilderbergers Swiss soiree and Glenn Beck's usual leaky tear ducts there's enough melodrama to go through a skid load of tissues a week.

Another shortwave pirate "bust," this one a Colorado beacon. Per the Fabulous Rabbit Nestlings:
"A number of months ago a 20-30mw Pirate beacon was busted by the FCC it was the famous ECHO beacon on 11002khz...location was in Colorado.

"The FCC agent who was very kind said the monitoring Station in Maryland picked up the beacon...there was no complaint filed..."
'Til next time, darlings, pray for sunspots. Or sacrifice whatever harmless, innocent creature you fancy on the upcoming Summer Solstice. We plan to offer a couple of liters of Denali Moose Tracks on the miniature Antennahenge in our garden.

Dea Fauxnette is a sight-impaired but sharp-eared correspondent for Tales of Radio Paranoia. Don't try to sneak anything past her. She heard you coming before you got started.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

'Melodramatic' Solar Flare Threatens To Disrupt Pirate Radio

Brown Nose the Pirate, Staff Writer
Radio Paranoia News Disservice/June 8, 2011


An unusually melodramatic solar flare observed by a Defense Emissions Radiation Projects space observatory on Tuesday could set the stage for some emotional disruptions to shortwave pirate radio over the next week or so, officials said on condition of anonymity.

R1 radio blackouts are predicted to continue through June 9, said a cowardly rumor mongering anonymous official, who added "Don't mention my name, okay? I don't need any aggravating e-mail from Commander Bunny, like the last DERP guy whose name was quoted in connection with a solar flare that disrupted radio. He still has myxomatosis scabs."

The Sun's grandly theatrical discharge unleashed a firestorm of overacting on a level not witnessed since the infamous Summer 2008 pirate war, and will likely lead to retaliatory radiation from WBNY's International Relay Service by the weekend, according to the Harmful Airborne Radiation Emissions Service.

"I sense the monkey paw of Bram Stoker in this," asserted Commander Bunny, self-declared leader of the Rodent Revolution. "And if not him, then it's almost certainly the fault of Al Fansome or Radio Ga-Ga. I wouldn't put it past the Canadians to get Doc John involved in molesting the ionosphere either. He's always going on and on about HAARP, probably runs the whole thing himself.

"I'm expecting SIO 555 signal reports all weekend, if I have to unleash my entire sock drawer to get the results I demand. There will be Karmic retribution if I get anything less," declared the hare. "Science? Don't give me that crap. Physics don't apply to me.

"Are you putting in enough exclamation marks and random capitalization?" demanded the rabbit. "Let me see your notes - no, you're doing it wrong, I don't care what the AP style guide says. You nasty reporters, you're ruining my press conference," said the rabbit.

A bystander's pickle was then snatched away by a man, later identified as his vice presidential candidate, Kracker, who, apparently believing it to be a microphone, held the pickle close to his lips and slurred "Yew guise wanna f00kin play? Lesh play." The presidential and vice presidential hopefuls were then hoisted up and tucked under the enormous t-shirt of campaign manager Mr. J.S. of Mount Kisco, NY, who was heard to say "No, you can't have another minute."

"This flare-up was nothing short of scenery chewing," said George Spelvin, program coordinator for the HARES Melodramatic Outpouring Prediction Engine.

"We saw the initial flare for the melodramatic occurring and it wasn't that big, just a slight sobbing sound and sniffling, comparable to Glenn Beck's "Ah jes' luv mah country, an' ah feer fer it" speech, but then the flame war associated with it -- we got lagomorphic universal laughs beyond what we normally see with a big coronal mess injection," he said.

Those psychodrama energy levels, measured in lulz, are expected to confine any low power shortwave radio emissions to a geographic area roughly the size and shape of a typical rabbit hutch, and to a few imaginary listeners in Berserkistan, said the HARES spokesman. "Not much different than in favorable propagation conditions," he added with a shrug.

Asked for comment on how the solar melodramatic flare would affect the weekend's Radio Paranoia programming, spokestroll Guise Faux said "Radio? We don't do radio. We're trolls."

Sheen drives invisible car off invisible cliff
In a related story, embattled actor Charlie Sheen added another chapter to his increasingly bizarre story when he claimed to have driven an invisible car off an invisible cliff. Sheen claimed this week's solar flare disrupted the vehicle's automated HAARP-proof guidance system (available from The Power Hour and similarly reliable GCN affiliates, next to the Chi-magnets).

Faced by skeptical reporters who asked about his absence of apparent injuries, Sheen declared "They're invisible injuries. What are you, a moron?"

"I was just on my way to a high security telephone hookup with my buddy Alex Jones, and I'm in the zone, I'm in the phone-cone, I'm in the Cone-of-Silence-of-the-Sheeple, look at all the stupid people being fleeced," explained the actor.

"I'm, like, bi-invisible. No, no, I'm TRI-invisible. I'm do-or-die-invisible, winning pie-in-the-sky invisible, man, I'm WIN-visible," explained Sheen. "You can't figure me out."

"That part is actually true," said a police spokesman in response to Sheen's final statement. No investigation is planned.

"I will defend Charlie Sheen's honor to the death," declared celebrity-mooching starstruck talk radio host Alex Jones. "His death, I mean."

Friday, June 3, 2011

7 Minutes to Hell - Part 1

"When you cut into the present, the future leaks out."
--William S. Burroughs, on the cut-up technique

Andy Warhol promised we'd be famous for 15 minutes. Kracker promised to make us famouse. William S. Burroughs warned us it would be the weirdest 23 minutes of our lives. They weren't wrong.

If you've followed Tales of Radio Paranoia thus far and read the blog header, you may have wondered "Okay, Guise Faux is an asshole iconoclast with no respect for the traditions and conventions of pirate radio, Brown Nose the Pirate is a drunken Hunter S. Thompson wannabe, and I want the delicious golden-tressed Dea Fauxnette's phone number because I, too, have a face made for radio, a personality made for evil IRC, and she's a woman on the internets and I want to believe she's real because it's far too disturbing to consider the possibility that Dea is merely a fiction and that Guise Faux can write like a gossip columnist, especially one who sounds gayer than Perez Hilton," you're thinking to yourself, your face now reddening with the realization that we know exactly what you're thinking and oh by the way get your left hand out of your crotch. "But," you say, quickly changing the topic whilst placing your left hand very conspicuously on the keyboard, "what about these reckless audio collages, cut-ups, mashups and deconstructions thingies?"

Therein, dear readers, lies the origins of Tales of Radio Paranoia. And a couple of Radio Paranoia programmes that you probably didn't hear because with sunspots playing hard to get our wee signal is but a mouse fart in a hurricane.

And considering our recent and unanticipated confession that I/we/he perhaps am/are CB himself, this tale takes on whole new subversive twists.

A few years ago I was prowling through a family member's air check tapes from his radio days and thinking it might be fun to give that a shot. His demo reel probably took days to put together using tape - it was that elaborate. "Self," I figured, "how hard could it be with the advantage of digital audio editing?"

That - figuring for myself without adult supervision - was my first mistake, of many more to come.

My next mistake was going from outraged over the summer 2008 pirate radio war to amused when, by 2009, I remembered it was just another manifestation a perennial event, the Annual Pirate Radio Feud Lovefest. If only I had remained properly blinded by a perpetual state of high dudgeon and not peeked behind that curtain, the Wizard of Odd might have been able to restage his civil war reenactments indefinitely. And, my, didn't we fly on command so well...?

In 2009 I mentioned to a friend that I had some ideas for pirate radio programmes that might be amusing. He encouraged me to give it a try. That was my next mistake. Because providing fertile soil for the spores that litter my brain can only lead to the growth of hallucinogenic shroomage subversivus, which mutates when kept in the dark and fed bullshit for too long.

Whilst cobbling together a couple of programmes in time for Halloween 2009 I was undecided about the order of the songs and audio bits. Whilst listening to the segments in Winamp I inadvertently pressed the randomization option. At that moment it meant nothing to me but later it came in handy. That last sentence is called foreshadowing. It means eventually I'll remember I actually had a point when I started writing this blog entry, before I was distracted by what appears to be a woman on the internets. Oh, wait, no, dammit, wrong again.

Coincidentally, in early autumn 2009 Commander Bunny launched his International Relay Service and offered relays to anyone who wished to submit a programme. I took advantage of his generous offer - quite gratefully, I might add, and I remain grateful for that favour, inconceivable as that may seem to some now. We received a few signal reports but not nearly as many, or as accurately detailed, as those from our friend who provided 99.99% of our relays.

A curious incident in late 2009 prompted me to reconsider any further association with WBNY's relay service. For who-knows-what reason, Beans - at the time unknown to most of us as merely another CB sockpuppet - took offence at Radio Ga-Ga and Outhouse Radio. Beans began spooning up the usual flavourful medley of bunny puke: inconsiderate newbies ruining things for the "good pirates"; hurting the rabbit ears with SSTV noise (curious, as the lagomorph apparently has also transmitted SSTV); barf-barf-barf. And the usual supporting cast of support hose joined in to give the illusion of consensus. Most operators and listeners didn't seem to give a fig one way or another.

Apparently satisfied that the consensus of his own sock drawer (Beans, Mosby, Thumper, ad hareseum) gave him the desired mandate to act, Commander Bunny baited Radio Ga-Ga into a trap that ended up with Ga-Ga banned from the FRN.

Throughout 2009 Radio Ga-Ga had done brief early morning broadcasts on most weekday mornings, usually for around 15 minutes between 1200-1300 UTC. Most broadcasts began and ended with SSTV, which helped with station IDs. And even though WBNY often did early morning broadcasts, CB had repeatedly complained about traffic jams on 6925 kHz and swore he wouldn't stoop to using a frequency haunted by riff-raff (reaffirmed in a January 2011 FRN thread).

But in early November 2009 CB, masquerading as his known alter ego "Official Pus Press Release" and supported by his favourite sock-thug Beans, accused Radio Ga-Ga of QRMing WBNY. Using the FRN's indefinite edit window which doesn't track how often a post is edited or precisely when (other than the date - a boon to devoted flamers and troll's), Beans and Pus Release baited Ga-Ga into swapping insults. RGG lobbed out "chobster!" Officious Pus Release banned Ga-Ga and posted RGG's city (which was still visible more than a year later). This should have tipped us that the bunny mafia had access to member IPs, despite not being listed as admin, mods or cat herders. But we are a reticent and forgiving lot and the gaffe went unrecognized by most. The bunnyman also tried to bait Outhouse Radio into a spat but the affable fellow didn't bite.

Umbrage is always free for the taking and His Hareness is not one to pass up an opportunity. Around that time, 13 November 2009, CB announced an all-new pirate feud show, implying the "stars" would be Radio Ga-Ga and Outhouse Radio. (If I correctly recall that programme, it was rather tame and nowhere near as abrasive as the earlier feud shows.)

That reminded me of an earlier classic WBNY pirate feud show, the 2006 programme aimed at the hapless Mike Gaukin, Sierra Papa and some other fellow. Toward the 21 minute mark of that programme ComBun challenged listeners to decode a secret message and post it to the FRN. The message was just a backward recording of CB giving his special blessings to the trio. Apparently Alfred (Alfa Lima) took the challenge rather more literally than the hare intended. He corrected both the backward recording and pitch shift and posted the audio clip online.

And all hare broke loose.

Alfred and all who partook of the lair of the demon spawn across the Atlantic - aka, those Euro pirates and their trance music and their wooden shoes and their legal hashish - were forever cast out of the bunny's Garden. Well, with the exception, perhaps, of Dave Martin and his mesmerizing Corsair which tempted His Hareness to cheat on his faithful Grenade.

So much for the tedious background history leading into the actual point of this blog entry.

On the eve of the 2009 WBNY pirate feud programme, I recalled that prescient Burroughs quote about the audio cut-up technique he and Brion Gysin had popularized:

"When you cut into the present, the future leaks out."

I wondered what might leak out of the 2006 episode.

Apparently, warning signs of impending disaster either did not leak out, or did not soak into my thick skull. Nor did the lessons of Negativland's infamy with Helter Stupid and U2. Not that RP's feeble efforts are anywhere near the godly troll status of Negativland's late 1980s media pwnage.

The 2006 WBNY feud show lent itself well to cut-ups. Commander Bunny's narrative consisted of many short, snappy quotes with generous pauses, interspersed amongst pre-recorded audio bits from cartoons and other sources. The clear, declarative phrases were well suited to editing to isolate only CB's comments. The only problem was a persistent hum in the bunnyman's on-mic audio, presumably a ground loop problem he didn't notice. Not to worry, thought I, this was only an experiment, not intended to be broadcast. After isolating the phrases, making duplicates of each and loading dozens of short phrases into Winamp, I hit the randomize option and listened, whilst recording the playback. Each playback session lasted around 5-10 minutes.

The initial results produced some startling juxtapositions. In some instances the phrase "When the listeners feel they can threaten and cause problems for the pirates" was morphed into "When the pirates feel they can threaten and cause problems for the listeners" and, perhaps more presciently...

"When the pirates feel they can threaten and cause problems for the pirates"

Another phrase - "If you want to find a way to drive the pirates away" - transmogrified into...

"If you want to find a way to drive the listeners away"

Most of those compilations of 5-10 minute segments were only moderately listenable utter crap. Even to a fan of cut-ups, audio anarchy and randomness, most were tedious. Compared with the more deliberate selection and assembly process of the mashup, the cut-up process is very hit-or-miss. I pared away the most redundant bits, added a few audio segments from other sources, including the Pixies classic "Monkey Gone to Heaven" because, well... you know why... loaded them up into Winamp and hit randomize again.

And that's how "7 Minutes to Hell" was birthed. Or aborted, depending on your point of view.

Without further prejudicing our readers' opinions, attached below you'll find streaming audio for "7 Minutes to Hell", along with a related commentary from Cosmikdebris during a December 2009 Lumpy Gravy Radio Show segment (probably the only time this cut-up was ever actually heard clearly, thanks due to WBCQ's signal!).

And the bottom two audio bits are examples of some more deliberately edited audio collages I've put together, to differentiate them from the haphazard approach of the randomized cut-up technique. At least one of those has actually been included in an earlier broadcast.

Your frank opinions are absolutely welcome here. Love it? Hate it? Find the technique to be intriguing or incredibly boring? Pretentious beatnik bullshit? Is the cut-up version even more offensive than CB's original programme? Is it heresy or fair game to remix another pirate's programming, same as any pop culture icon?

As a fan of audio collages, mashups and deconstructions (no surprise, if you've peeked at the sidebar links), naturally I'm biased. I was also a big fan of Sycko Radio's aural oddities. But I'm more interested in what other fans of pirate radio and pirate radio operators themselves have to say.

"7 Minutes to Hell" - Randomized cut-ups of WBNY pirate feud show and Pixies Monkey Gone to Heaven. Semi-NSFW, comparable to South Park humour. (7 minutes)

"Lumpy Gravy Radio Show, December 2009" - Cosmikdebris sez "Fucking thing sucks!" And goshdarnit, he's right. Semi-NSFW, just a wee bit o' cussin' towards the finale.

And if you have too much time on your hands, as Guise Faux apparently does, here are a couple other audio collages you may have already heard on the funny bands in our previous programmes (not giving any other hints):

Obligatory remix of infamous Bill O'Reilly tantrum from his "Inside Edition" days. (3 min 21 sec) By cracky, this Billo may have a temper but at least he doesn't call remix artists child molesters just because we have a little fun at his expense. Unlike some temperamental wild hares we know. Warning: Loads o' cussin'. NSFW.

And our personal favourite, Salad Fingers stumbles upon cannibal hamsters whilst DXing. (10 min 14 sec) Caution: Some barely intelligible fussin'-'n'-cussin' from N9OGL mixed into background. Semi-NSFW.

In the next Tale of Radio Paranoia, assuming I'm still alive to tell the tale, the aftermath of "7 Minutes to Hell," and how a whim snowballed weeks later into a FUBAR of epic proportions.