Thursday, May 26, 2011

Guise Faux Unmasked!

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
-- Oscar Wilde

My dread secret is out, and I am relieved. This week I revealed that I, Guise Faux, am Commander Bunny.

Those of you who dare may read my confession on my other blog**. But if you are too stoned stunned to accept the Truth! Here are a few quotes to PROVE the Truth of What I Say!!!

"...Guise ... really the Bunny, spoofing the dumber-than-rocks monkeys..."

"Radio Paranoia ... its really Commander Bunny making fun of the dumber-than-rocks monkeys, yet again."

"The question is; “Is Commander Bunny behind all these websites just jerking our chains”???"

"He’s been known to spoof the monkeys in the past...

...Commander Bunny is in fact Guise Faux..."
"...he controls these slack-jawed, lip-droolers too ... Commander Bunny was behind every conspiracy in Pirate Radio!"

"Is it any wonder that Commander Bunny is the MOST POPULAR PIRATE EVER! No other Pirate Operator has so many websites, so many blogs, so much attention, on them! FACE IT, Commander Bunny is the most popular Pirate ever, the facts are irrefutable."

--Commander Bunny, May 25, 2011

And there you have the Full and Complete EVIDENCE, dear readers. Are you Surprised? For so many years my Genius has labored to create so many characters, alter-egos, aliases and noms de guerre that at times I could scarce recall who I really am. But Commander Bunny did it ALL for YOU! For your Entertainment! And how do You repay him? With nasty rumors and slanders!

My heart aches with myxomatosis yet I must at last reconcile myself to you. To all of you nasty monkeys, with your slanders and rumors and gossiping, destroying the work of good pirates. And not merely good pirates but ME, the Greatest Pirate of them ALL!

In the end the only true Friends I could depend on were my oldest and closest allies who have stood firm with me sat neatly folded in my sock drawer, through many Trials and Tribulations: Beans. Mosby. Thumper. Bouncer. And GRENADE! Always Grenade. It sleeps under my pillow. At night it whispers to me Great Secrets. It reveals Mysteries that only I can hear. Camping knew nothing. Nothing! And if only you would Worship Me I would share all with you! I lavish you with Gifts, riches unheard of from any pirate in history! Real QSL cards, custom made for each program, not eQSLs with crappy art those other so-called "pirates" steal from the "internet" and slap on their logo and call That a QSL?!? Custom refrigerator magnets that also cure arthritis! T-shirts that will look sexy on your imaginary girlfriends! Bumper stickers to decorate your Big Wheels! But you BETRAY ME!!

But it's okay. It's okay. I pardon you...

"They cast a spell on you, you know, the monkeys. When you work closely with them, like I do, you see this. They have this power. It's like a virus. Some of my friends are infected with this virus. They should be pitied, not punished. They should receive treatment because this is as real as typhus. I see it all the time. It's a matter of QSLs? Hmm?"

So, while I am in such a magnanimous mood, I will permit some of you to forgive me for my transgressions.

AV: I know you didn't deserve the malicious treatment you got from me under my sockpuppet "Beans." And I made up that computer voice program blaming you for the July 4, 2008, computer voice broadcast that launched the pirate war. I guess we all died a little in that damn war.

Chris Smolinski: You were an okay guy. A little stuffy and pedantic at times. And you angered my friend Bill O. Rights. He's like Bruce Banner - you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Or green.

Radio Ga-Ga and Outhouse Radio: You guys are terrific pirates. And Outhouse got his cherry busted - how cool is that! He's got serious street cred now - I'm actually a little jealous... I might even have a tiny bunny-crush on the guy. It's just that damned SSTV... you don't know what it does to these sensitive rabbit ears. It's like pulling barbed wire through my skull. If you had ears like mine you'd understand. It made me crazy, so it's not my fault. But I'll accept your forgiveness because it takes a big bunny to admit when he's wrong.

Poet: We go back a long ways. BFF, right? Let's let bygones by bygones and I'll graciously accept your forgiveness if you promise to never play "Billy, Don't Be A Hero" ever again.

Al Fansome: Alas, poor Fansome. I knew him, Hare-atio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Well, before Kracker showed up around 2005 and behaved like Leo Gorcey with Asperger's Syndrome. He hath bored me with his backtalk a thousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.

Doc John: Canadians just rub my hare the wrong way. Must be all that plaid and those toques. You guys always look like you're going hunting. Makes a bunny nervous. Tell me more about this Naughty Acrobatic Monkey Bunny Love Assignations. Maybe we can be friends.

And last but not least, Spore: Dude, I totally forgot *I* did that cut-up, mashup version of the WBNY pirate feud show. I get so confused between being Guise Faux and Commander Bunny, I completely forgot I'd mashed up and deconstructed my own audio. And I blamed it on you? My bad. So, uh... sorry about that whole "child molester" thing. No hard feelings, right? Is that a shotgun...? Hey, can we talk? How about a QSL package, on the house... hutch.... okay, I gotta scurry now, nice talking with you.

Whew! I feel a lot better after getting that off my chest and allowing all of you to forgive me for my occasional minor lapses from brilliance to mere competence.

And don't you all feel silly that I TOTALLY FOOLED ALL OF YOU S-T-U-P-I-D MONKEYS!!! Vote for me and you'll never be fooled again. I will do all of the thinking for you.

Now, if you'll all give me your home addresses I have some very special QSL packages of carrots for each and every one of you.

Your pal,
CB, aka Guise Faux, aka The Greatest! Because false modesty is unbecoming of the truly Great when it's truly true.

**(Update 31 May 2011: In a peculiar twist, CB redirected his WBNY site to ToRP blog as of Memorial Day weekend, see screencaps hare, hare and hare. Thanks for the additional traffic... I think? -- GF)

Video of the Right F**king Now: The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. He's got a vicious streak a mile wide!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Crapture weekend

Crapture weekend seems to best describe May 20th-22nd, 2011, at least from the limited perspective of radio aficionados. Harold Camping's prediction for a May 21st rapture didn't match the timetable of El Señor. The HFU experienced down time and the FRN upped the ante with major fail. Apparently only their web servers were eligible for the Pearly Gates. And propagation still sucks. Once again we couldn't hear even the faintest trace of a carrier from WBNY's mighty Grenade or Corsair.

But first, our best wishes for a speedy recovery to those in the Joplin, Missouri area, which was devastated by a deadly tornado over the weekend. Joplin is where the server for the FRN is located, which probably explains why the site went down Sunday. We also hope FRN site owner John Cruzan is doing well.

Speaking of the Fabulous Rabbit Nuthugger's personal vanity site being down, we noticed that after a temporary outage in the HF Underpants site Saturday, the bunny mafia was so excited it/they/he couldn't decide which socks to wear for dancing on the HFU's grave. One of RP's sekrit squirrels inside the FRN spied a thread crowing about the HFU's outage that was first attributed to the Prime Minister, (probably a bit of carelessness in the heat of preparing some crow au gratin) which was deleted and replaced by the same post from Officious Pus Release, which was also deleted and finally replaced by Commander Bunny's post declaring "I SHUT DOWN THE HF UNDERPANTS!" "I SHAT MY OWN UNDERPANTS!" We're guessing the first two socks had too many holes for the bunnyman's Holy War against the Underpants Gnomes.

Only a rage comic can do justice to how the bunnyman must feel now that his personal cult site is as dysfunctional as the loopy fur between his floppy ears. But we all know rage comics always end the same way: FFFFFUUUU-

Fortunately, His Hareness still has his own hutch where he keeps fans updated with useful information.

El Señor Major, The Big Mister, The Great Ineffable One, has His own unearthly timetable - and it ain't UTC. So WYFR is back to reruns, with occasional sheepish sounding updates from an announcer (no word from Bro Camping as of Sunday). We at RP don't take much pleasure in pot shots at the Bro. We listen to his programs occasionally and for all the recent fuss, we find him to be somnolent at best and, at worst, no more guilty than many other prognosticators in sleuthing the sooth about the grand finale. (Note to self: Work in a Fin de siècle joke - that dream Saturday night about a shark riding a unicycle through the ocean must bode well for our destiny as the next Nostradamus.)

  1. Predict Furpocalypse
  2. ???
  3. Prophet!!!
'Til next we meet, brethren, this monkey's gone to heaven. And if Kim Deal is there to play and sing, it will be heavenly!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Barefoot bunny is happy bunny!

From Radio Paranoia
Dishing With Dea

Oh, piffle! Guise Faux, you are just the limit, mister! I was supposed to be on holiday until Monday next and here I am cleaning up another of your messes! And you get to dash off to exotic locales in Berserkistan and Isle de Merde.

'Tisn't fair and I shan't put up with it much longer! Oh, who am I fooling. I love my job and my dear readers.

My apologies, treasured readers, but ooohhh... I could just stamp my feet some days. And after Sycko's dubstep programme last night I might actually enjoy it. Haven't been dancing in ages, unless you count our little shuffles and twists here on Tales of Radio Paranoia.

And was that a WBNY relay of Sycko Radio last night? Had we been misinformed about that FCC encounter? If so, somebody spill, please. Either way, we are delighted to hear Sycko back on the air.

Speaking of WBNY, it seems Commander Bunny has sworn off sockpuppets. Seems he posted this confession on his website on May 13th. Then he mused about scratching a friend's back. Then he seemed confused, as always, about the concept of karma (Protip: It's not revenge). Then he had a change of heart and edited it and finally deleted it. Apparently some confusion over the concept of irony as well. And now today it appears to be all YOUR fault again**. Terribly difficult to know whom to blame when one's looking glass is crack'd. It's all rather huffy and puffy, so our readers are advised to take it all with a large dose of salts.

So, no more Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer and heaven knows what all. La-di-da, we suppose that's a good thing. We'll hold him to that promise... pinky-swear, now! Oh, wait... you haven't any pinkies. Silly rabbit.

As I pick through this mess of correspondence I see that just as CB has sworn off negativity on his website, he has appended some thoughtful words of encouragement to his recent programme announcements:

Deep Thoughts, by Commander Bunny
18 May 2011
"Why do all these slack-jawed, lip-droolers want to take
all the fun out of Pirate Radio?"

10 May 2011
"Sorry, not going to get wrapped up into the drama being generated by some in the Pirate World... Let the little moron monkeys throw mud at each other."

16 May 2011
"P.S. look I've stayed clear of all the monkey-hub-bub going on, and intend on staying that way. Monkeys I considered friends attacking everyone, including me and sideline rock throwers who've never put a signal on the air, as far as anyone knows, making critiques of everyone elses efforts. Any of you monkeys ever wonder, if these apes are so fooking smart, why they haven't put the best pirate station you've ever heard on the air? The nastiness has risen to levels never before seen, and I'm staying as far away and clear of it as I can.

"Pirate Radio has always meant "FUN" and "Craziness" to me. But lately the
nasty, two-faced, butt-monkeys have over-run it with nothing but nastiness.
I really hope it doesn't drive monkeys away. Thanks to those of you who
have defended my honor and objected to the cowardly attacks made by
anonymous monkeys who have never risked anything to put a pirate signal on
the air."

Lovely sentiments. Breathtakingly inspirational. We concur wholeheartedly. And we are certain Doc John of NRS will be most relieved that Commander Bunny's hyperbolic "child molester" slander has been deleted from the WBNY website. However we still see it on CB's Facebook page... those references to some sort of Naughty Acrobatic Monkey Bunny Love Assignations... rather confusing. Yet also unexpectedly titillating.

Oh, yes, and you might consider patching things up with one of your oldest fans and friends, A.F., whom you wrongly blamed for those obviously incorrect accusations against a fellow pirate radio operator. Sysop logs for IRC #pirateradio showed nothing of the kind was ever written. And you were never on that channel and couldn't possibly have heard such a terrible thing, let alone from one of your staunchest supporters who has borne up manfully in your defence withal, despite your recent bout with myxomatosis. All in the spirit of avoiding those little nuisances you've mentioned in your recent correspondence, yes?

'Til next time, darlings, keep the ionosphere warm for us!

**From CeeBee's WBNY declaration of 19 May 2011:
Its gone on long enough. What I will do is make sure everyone on my mailing list knows who is really behind the lies, rumors and cowardly attacks. Everyone is going to know their real names, their real locations and have a complete portfolio on the nasty monkeys behind the destruction of Pirate Radio."
--Commander Bunny demonstrates ninja choke hold on irony

Video of the Right Now: Bugs Bunny sez - "Of course you know, this means war."

Dea Fauxnette is a sight-impaired but sharp-eared correspondent for Tales of Radio Paranoia. Don't try to sneak anything past her. She heard you coming before you got started.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Red Sky at Morning - Pirates Take Warning

"They have dealt with me like thieves of mercy:
but they knew what they did;
I am to do a good turn for them."
--Hamlet, Act IV, Scene vi, aka "The pirate scene"

We've found some diverse fans and unexpected allies at Tales of Radio Paranoia. Are there really more anarchists than monarchists in pirate radio? For now... maybe. Alliances based on the principle of "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" tend to be tenuous. Anarchists often find themselves on the wrong end of a rope, so we'll probably see you hanging around Owl Creek Bridge or Golgotha. And by "you" I mean me.

Google's Blogger platform has cyberfarted most of the past week and ToRP was inaccessible for a few days. Since I'm way behind on some articles anyway I'll put those aside and just pass along some bits and pieces of news, rumors and behind the scenes chatter, mostly related to the recent apparent renewal of FCC enforcement in HF pirate radio..

Also, the finished articles I had in the can stunk like someone forgot to flush:
  • Mushroom Management and Myxomatosis
  • The Cult of Personality Disorder
  • The Irony of Anonymity
  • Are You a "Good Pirate"?
  • The Joy of Socks
  • You're No Bunny 'Til Some Bunny Loves You
After re-reading the first drafts my first reaction was "Fuck me, I sound like Beans!" Yeah, that kind of ranting.

If you're not familiar with the U.S. pirate radio scene over the past decade, "Beans" has been the most vitriolic and prolific of the many Commander Bunny sockpuppets. ToRP belching bean gas... not a good thing. I might as well write "Why IRC Doesn't Suck Nearly As Much As Beans Claims", supported by my own modest sock drawer cadre. But I won't. As far as you know.

Renewed FCC enforcement in HF pirate radio
Most of the following information has already circulated throughout the U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene since February this year. I'll try to tie together the loose strands of information and analyze what happened and why it happened the way it did.

Some of us have been baffled by the relative absence of open discussion about recent FCC actions affecting shortwave pirate radio. In a recent DIYmedia update regarding WEAK's February 15, 2011 encounter with the FCC, John Anderson wrote:
"There has been little public discussion of this among shortwave pirate enthusiasts, but if I were a broadcaster I'd want to know about FCC enforcement activity so that I could properly assess my relative risk of being on the air."
Why haven't we heard more until WEAK got The Knock? Anyone who lurks around the North American scene knows that it has its own unique characteristics and strong personalities. The influence of the FRN has loomed large for many years, often to the benefit of all participants but, especially since the 2008 "pirate war", increasingly to the detriment of the scene as the self-proclaimed premier pirate radio site devolved from a Free Radio Network to an exclusive hutch for Fabulous Rabbit Nuthuggers. To some extent the cliquishness has decreased over the past few weeks. Who knows how long that will last. But, again, that's a digression for another article.

Since 2010 at least four U.S. shortwave radio pirates have been warned by the FCC to discontinue operation of their unlicensed stations, according to various sources. As far as we have been able to ascertain, none involved NALs (Notice of Apparent Liability) or NOUOs (Notice of Unlicensed Operation) and none has shown up on the FCC website's database.

The shortwave pirate stations which have reportedly received what the FCC calls a Warning of Unlicensed Operation or "verbal warning" since 2010 include:
  • Weather Radio (April 2010, confirmed by the operator of Weather Radio)
  • Sycko Radio (2010 date unknown, per Feb. 2011 WBNY e-mail news list)
  • Outhouse Radio (late 2010, no direct confirmation, but reported by reliable source)
  • WEAK (February 15, 2011, confirmation received directly from WEAK that same night, later reported by Piratesweek podcast and Hauser's DXLD)
I was reluctant to publish this earlier because it might result in embarrassment or unanticipated consequences for those involved. I was a big fan of all four stations. However it's moot now. Since the February 15, 2011, WEAK bust, Commander Bunny e-mailed more than 40 pirate station operators and listeners about stations getting The Knock. Those recipients forwarded e-mails to others, and so on.

Interference with official comms on the funny bands
According to WEAK's Warning of Unlicensed Operation, the FCC specified a complaint of interference with military or other official communications. Makes sense. For years there have been military comms between 6900-7000 kHz and many DXers have noted a recent increase in ALE, CW and other data on or near the 6925 kHz frequency popular with U.S. shortwave pirates.

I checked with DXers who monitor utes, as well as IRC #wunclub logs. One DXer in particular is running 24 hour bandscans to monitor 6800-7000 kHz to identify the types comms and skeds. Link-11/TADIL-A has recently been recorded from 6940-6953, along with PSK on 6894 and 6935, and RTTY near 6922. Several times this year I've heard ALE near 6925, and MARS voice nets near 6900 and 7000 (I'd need to check my logs, but the MARS nets were around 6903 and 6997). I'll attach a recent bandscan graphic provided by a DXer who's monitoring the popular pirate funny bands.

So, why is WYFR on 6915 and 6985 exempt? I'm guessing the FCC figures they'll be gone after May 21, so... problem solved by the coming Zombie Apocalypse.

On the plus side, so far I haven't heard any FCC agent call a pirate operator a child molester on air or threaten to stalk them at home or assault them at work or at the Winter Fest. So, thankfully, pirates won't need to sue the FCC for copyright violation for stealing WBNY and RJI comedy material.

See, I can be Mr. Sunshine sometimes.

The WEAK bust and Artie Bigley
Sources have told me that Artie Bigley (SWL and regular contributor to Glenn Hauser's DXLD) has been frantically e-mailing people in the pirate scene about these reported FCC warnings (confirmed via copies of e-mails I've seen) and has FOIA'd requests for FCC confirmation. And since most FCC activity is public record, Bigley's reports via DXLD don't violate any confidentiality.

WEAK's bust had already been reported via the Piratesweek podcast and on Hauser's DXLD. At least three sources have told me that Bigley has pressed them for specific details (which sources all told me they declined) and obtained confirmation from the FCC via a FOIA. Bigley has been asked to withhold specific information about WEAK's name and address, but he's under no legal obligation to do so. (Update: Per DX LISTENING DIGEST 11-19, May 10, 2011, WEAK's name and location were withheld, as Mr. Bigley agreed with WEAK's request. -- GF)

I've been told that Bigly wants a copy of Sealord's audio recording of WEAK's FCC visit. Most of it was already on a Piratesweek podcast. There's nothing on it that reveals WEAK's identity or location so I've attached a short streaming mp3 to the bottom of this blog entry. From the perspective of pirate radio history and trivia, it's a fascinating and unique sign post. I'll take the heat for providing the audio, so don't blame Sealord. I copied the audio off the original log back on February 15, when several of us were still wondering whether it was a prank.

Oh, by the way, Doug Miller... you've got a serious ground loop hum. Most pirate radio DXers are too polite to tell ops about such problems. But we're not polite. And if you need a jingle or more exciting station ID, contact our marketing department and we'll set you up. Also, you should send Sealord an FCC QSL. He's too nice a guy to ask for a memento of WEAK's misfortune. But, c'mon... why should George Zeller have the only FCC QSL?

One of us!
A few e-mails I've received have described Bigley's interest in WEAK's unfortunate encounter with the FCC as unusually obsessive. My only thought was: "Eccentric. Persistent. Obsessively curious. Detail oriented. Sounds like a typical DXer. " One of us! One of us! Gooble-gobble, gooble-gobble!

Considering the nature of humour in the U.S. pirate radio scene it's likely that the worst that will happen is Bigley will be memorialized in parody, satire and SSTV for years to come. Kracker will hit up memegenerator for another unfunny variation of a shake-and-bake meme invented by 12-year-olds, involving some references to penises. Captain Ganja will 'shop Artie's head onto a goat. You know, the great thing about about stoner humour is that long after something stops being funny, digging up a joke, running over it, backing up, running over it again, propping it up and running over it again can sometimes breathe a whole new dimension of unfunnyness into a situation. Like farting at a city council meeting.

So go easy on Artie. It's not like he called anyone a child molester. At least he has enough respect to not steal Commander Bunny's favorite material.

Paranoia, the destroyer
Let's speculate about why Atlanta office FCC agent Doug Miller transmitted the station closure message, which occurred during a WEAK broadcast. We know the FCC at least occasionally reads shortwave pirate radio hobbyist sites (despite naysaying from Billo, who seems stuck in the year 1995 - mebbe it takes awhile for the postmodern world to reach his Montana one-holer). Suppose they recognized the rampant paranoia that has infested the scene the past few years. What better way for a largely ineffectual agency to maximize the impact of an enforcement action that amounted to little more than putting on their best trollface and sternly administering a finger waggling "Naughty pirate, no-no-no, kthxbai!"

IOW, the FCC did it for the lulz.

What better way to troll a group of hobbyists who are often their own worst enemies?

And that's a topic for another time.

Three minute recording of WEAK being shut down by FCC on February 15, 2011.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Sunday Funnies - Princess Deatrice style!

Guise Faux has yet to return from setting up a new station in Berserkistan. Our own Princess Deatrice posts the Sunday Funnies from the UK where she's celebrating the Royal Wedding.

Doesn't her hat look lovely!

Say it, bitches... her hat looks lovely! Don't make us Morris Dance on your ass, 'cuz we'll do it.

Sunday Funnies with Princess Deatrice

Hello, Darlings! We could scarcely break away from champagne, endless parties with the Royals and snoggling with our dearest heart, Gwynplaine. He's not much to look at, I'm told, and such a joker, but what do I care... I'm quite blindly in love!

But duty calls and Father Poet tells us that our good friend Kracker wishes all to realize that "bitches don't know 'bout his 1337 h4xx0r skilz". We have no earthly idea at all what that means. But we're told that ever since Kracker snitched out another pirate while having a tantrum during the infamouse Summer 2008 pirate war, he's become quite repentant and developed a sense of humour and humility about himself. Well done, good sir! This week's Sunday Funnies are dedicated to Kracker, a true madman of the airwaves and never more deserving than now of this special Tale of Radio Paranoia.

kracker said...
"goof ball... why escalate schit, this makes you of a higher caliber? Try actually thinking about it man, whats this prove? I had hoped you were more intelligent than this. Son, I am disappoint very disappointed. so you gonna take me on too? You gonna beat everyone up in cyber space? guess what man just because you win a gold medal in the special Olympics doesn't mean a retart is me your no longer retarded. Because thats exactly what cyber piddeling is, now if you want to play hard ball lets hack each others sites.. That will really prove something.. Good day"
From: The Crystal Ship blog

He's even famouse on /b/...

Blog of the Now: Princess Beatrice's Hat!

Subtle, nuanced wit of the Now: (If only we could be half as amusing... oh, yes, we already are.)