Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Trollmas & May Your Stockings Be Full of Personalities

Doggerel by Grinch Faux

Illustration by Dea Fauxnette Who

Deck the FRN with stockings,
Thumper and Beans and Mosby too!
Commander Bunny starts his stalkings,
Fiddle-faddle, piddle-paddle, Bouncer too.

The Bunnyman, t-shirts he's hawking,
Fridge magnets, bumper stickers, pogie bait too!
Soon Doc John begins the mockings,
"Kiddie-mauler!" Bob Smith hollers, but it ain't true!

Now the rumours start a-swirling,
Snitchy-bitchy, tattle-rattle, gossipy goo!
Accusations are a-twirling,
Poet gets a visit from the FCC too!

Sock puppets do all the logging,
Multi-fursonality impressions too.
Soon Guise Faux begins a-blogging,
Posters on the trollercoasters, laughing at you!

Hare-y flame wars for no reason,
Folderollin', bunny trollin', blames it on you.
Scampers back to call it treason,
M&Ms, cecotropes, eat your own poo.

Empty out the stocking drawer,
Hunny bunny, nose is runny, big boo-hoo!
Who's the cute attention whore?
Gotta luv it, everybody's looking at you!

Lagomurph sez just ignore us,
then they'll go away like they always do.
"Not this time!" sings A Nonny Mouse chorus,
Nibble-cheezin', bunny-teasin', makin' him blue.

"All my funs they are a-stealing,"
Funny bunny blog-flogging blame it on you.
"eQSLs are not appealing."
Ruin brewin', boo-hoo'in', melodrama-fu.

This is how we'll make amends,
spin doctor, whopper-popper, propagandoo.
Different lies for different friends,
whiffle waffle something awful make it seem true.

Troll we now in endless measure,
Jibber-jabber, blibber-blabber, ho-ho-ho!
But we do it for your pleasure,
Trollo-lo-lo-lo, lo-lo-lo-lo!

This doggerel goes on forever,
Guise wheezin', what's the reason? Too much beer!
Better end it now or never,
Merry Christmas, Better DX, Happy New Year!

With apologies to "Pogo" cartoonist Walt Kelly.

Saturday, December 17, 2011


"Only pretentious annoying hacks like Stephen King would resort to meta-epigraphs."
--Guise Faux

by Grinch Faux
Official Pirate Radio Fun Thief

FCC documents received today by the Tales of Radio Paranoia publishing empire, per Freedom Of Information Act request, clearly indicate "Com...

...plicity in failure to have a healthy sense of humour," said a cowardly anonymous FCC spokesperson, who agreed to this fake interview only under condition of cowardly anonymity. FULL PREMIUM CONTENT ARTICLE AVAILABLE ONLY TO GOLD MEMBER SUBSCRIBERS.

From now on, or until we've driven the wheels off this clown car, access to Premium Content Tales of Radio Paranoia articles will be restricted to Gold Member subscribers only.

We can already hear you clamoring "Geez, Guise, how do I become a Gold Member so that I, too, may enjoy the benefits of Premium Content on pirate radio's finest penny dreadful, yellow journal and dregs-drenched scandal sheet?"

It's simple, Scarlet Pimple! In the comment section below, describe in lurid detail how you have contributed to the destruction of pirate radio! Be sure to list:
  • Fun stolen.
  • Sockpuppets wielded.
  • Buttocks millinery worn.
  • Enemies exposed.
  • Dox dropped.
  • Stations QRM'd.
  • Nasty stations logged in violation of orders.
  • Consorting with Underpants Gnomes.
  • Logging to the wrong website.
  • eQSLs sent via snail mail.
  • Snails sent in lieu of QSLs.
  • Innocents falsely implicated.
  • >Implications implied without green text.
  • Voyages on de Nile.
  • Screeds scanned.
  • Trollercoasters ridden.
  • Angst, ire and U MAD? provoked.
  • Blarg rants per day.
  • Quotes from scripture or Eastern mystics, philosophers, serial killers or Shakespeare hilariously misapplied to blarg rants.
  • Complaints sent to FCC, Industry Canada, Ofcom or RA/AT to silence rival pirate stations.
  • Any other details which might qualify you as an elite pirate radio fun stealer.
  • Number of times you've made scowly-face whilst reading Tales of Radio Paranoia. (You know your face will get stuck that way.)
  • Preferred brand of tissue boxes worn on feet whilst engaged in above activities.
To be eligible for Tales of Radio Paranoia Premium Content, be sure to include your full pirate name, secret location to booty (clearly marked with X), peg leg length, eyepatch size and location (left, right, middle, all three), and name of the parrot or monkey that sits on your shoulder (which will also be your password).

Click here to access your Gold Member Premium Content!

Monday, December 12, 2011

GlobalTuners Pokemon Challenge: 99.99% friendly DXers, 0.01% rabid Krackwhore

Illustrations by Dea Fauxnette

We received the following from sources who requested anonymity. As we have no personal experience with GlobalTuners (although we were registered on the old DX Tuners site, and now have alternative accesses to various web controlled receivers) we can say only that we are informed by reliable sources that it is an excellent site for DXers and that, with the apparent exception of a particular Cxxxxxxxx, NC, node, the site offers wholesome family entertainment and a welcoming environment for radio listening enthusiasts.

However, judging from the following documented encounter with pirate radio's own beloved Kracker, we would advise that only Pokemon masters age 6 or older risk an encounter with that particular receiver.

>W. Di L., M.D.
>SS F******
>30 Nov 2011
>Hallo my freind
>I hope is no trouble you that I have this question of GlobalTuners.
>I am member on GlobalTuners many months and I enjoy very much.
>Is help when I travel my cruise ship and do not have my protable rado
>with me.
>I think I am respect and polite to every body. So. I am confuse
>with some thing that happens on other day. On 18 Nov 2011
>When visit C******** NC rado and has very good recepton. Many
>others people there before me so I wait and only listening. After is
>two hour most peoples leave and rado is 6930 AM is narrow filter.
>It sound not so good so I wait but I am only member their who is "normal user"
>can tune rado. So. I adjust wide filter to better sound. And try the
>ECSS tuning you see because is better when the weak signals?
>So. This "[kracker]" he make some things say seem not so nice. You see
>in chat log. I can not repeat him words they seem insult?
>I do Google of this his name and I see to your blog site are many of
>mentions his name this "kracker" so maybe I think you might help to me?
>I think I not do this wrong but am confuse. This not happen any time before.
>Is problem? Do RF rado tuner is not for me to use? Is private?
>Thanks you my freind and I can help you any things please tell me.
>W. Di L.

Dear Dr. Di L.

We regret that we did not hear from you under more pleasant circumstances.

Indeed, we have heard of this "Kracker" of whom you speak and with whom you experienced a most unfortunate encounter.

Fortunately, after consulting with experts, we are pleased to assure you that there is no risk of contagion from this encounter. The most sensible remedy is to avoid that particular node on GlobalTuners where you encountered a creature that is generally regarded as less dangerous than a Wild Snorlax in a Pokemon match. Please study the enclosed illustrated guide for doing battle with this lightly regarded and undocumented Pokemon known, unofficially, as the Krackwhore. If you have children or grandchildren between the ages of 3 and 6 they can easily help you defeat this not-particularly-noteworthy opponent, which was once regarded as suitable only for practice by complete novices until it was decided that the Krackwhore offered almost no challenge.

Please feel free to write us anytime. We wish you smooth sailing and good DX, wherever your journeys make take you.

Guise Faux



GlobalTuners Radio Control Modern Skin version 4.0

[01:10] ----------------------

[01:10] * Welcome (name redacted)

[01:10] ----------------------

[01:17] * jax700 (Denver, US) has joined

[01:18] * nickstr1 (Avon IN, US) has joined

[01:20] * jax700 has left

[01:21] * Receiver locked to Normal users.

[01:21] * RF has left

[01:22] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[01:22] * Receiver has been locked by RF

[01:26] * jax700 (Denver, US) has joined

[01:26] * jax700 has left

[01:28] * nmoreno94 (Montevideo, UY) has joined

[01:33] * Radionuts (Ballinamult, IE) has joined

[01:33] * nmoreno94 has left

[01:35] * Receiver locked to Normal users.

[01:35] * RF has left

[01:36] * Radionuts has left

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92532MHz, USB, 6kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92532MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92522MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92512MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:39] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:39] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 1.5kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg sets AGC: On

[01:40] * zorg sets AGC: Off

[01:43] * nmoreno94 (Montevideo, UY) has joined

[01:44] * zorg: 6.9248MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:44] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:44] [nmoreno94] what they are listening on this frequency?

[01:46] * zorg: 6.9248MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:46] [zorg] strange things

[01:46] [nmoreno94] ok

[01:46] [zorg] how is the weather in montevideo

[01:47] * JerryS (Holland, MI, US) has joined

[01:47] [nmoreno94] good, temperature 18 and the skies are clear

[01:48] * JerryS has left

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * nickstr1 has left

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, AM, 6kHz

[01:49] * zorg sets AGC: On

[01:49] * zorg sets AGC: Off

[01:52] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[01:52] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 6kHz

[01:52] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:53] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 1.5kHz

[01:54] * ww511usa (Empire State Ny, US) has joined

[01:54] * ww511usa has left

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, AM, 1.5kHz

[01:54] * N9KX (Stillman Valley, US) has joined

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, AM, 6kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, AM, 6kHz

[01:55] * N9KX has left

[01:55] * nmoreno94 has left

[01:56] * ww511usa (Empire State Ny, US) has joined

[01:56] * RF sets AGC: On

[01:56] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 6kHz

[01:56] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:57] * ww511usa has left

[01:58] * Inchon9151950 has left

[02:02] * RF sets AGC: Off

[02:07] [RF] damn, i better go buy some anti-freeze and add a little.. later. hold 'er down

[02:07] * RF has left

[02:07] * kb3kjs (, ) has joined

[02:08] * kb3kjs has left

[02:16] [kracker] ATTENTION:- kracker has Requested To Tune

[02:16] [kracker] put it on am

[02:18] [kracker] jesus man

[02:18] [kracker] everyone friggin fall asleep?

[02:18] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:18] [pizzadxer] i can't set it here either

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[02:19] [kracker] i got it

[02:19] [pizzadxer] now i can

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:20] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[02:20] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:20] [kracker] devinatly am

[02:20] [kracker] the music

[02:20] [kracker] someone jamming too

[02:20] [pizzadxer] yip

[02:22] [kracker] xp thump u hear that?

[02:23] [pizzadxer] lol

[02:23] [kracker] someone playing with a tone genny

[02:24] [kracker] hear their computer again?

[02:24] [kracker] somone being maliciouse

[02:24] [kracker] seriouse

[02:25] [pizzadxer] yep

[02:25] [kracker] it is vista i think judging from the pc generated sounds

[02:25] [kracker] poet uses vista

[02:25] [kracker] i know this to be a fact

[02:25] [kracker] not too many morons use vista

[02:26] [kracker] most ppl realise it is a bloated piece of schit

[02:37] * kracker: 6.9276MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:38] * kracker: 6.9285MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:40] * kracker: 6.93MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:44] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[02:44] [RF] man i'm tired

[02:45] [pizzadxer] tired here too

[02:46] [RF] filppin anti freeze is now half water for the same price

[02:47] [pizzadxer] man

[02:47] [RF] as it was full strength

[02:48] [pizzadxer] thats outrageous

[02:49] * Receiver has been locked by RF

[02:50] [RF] lemme know if ya wanna tne

[02:50] [pizzadxer] ok

[02:54] [kracker] anyone get an id yet?

[02:55] * RF sets AGC: On

[02:57] [kracker] thats splatter from like 69285

[02:57] [kracker] how teh hell r u r**

[02:57] [kracker] hope all is well

[02:59] [RF] talk later... got a bj in progress

[03:05] * Receiver locked to Normal users.

[03:05] * RF has left

[03:13] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:14] * zorg has left

[03:14] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:14] [kracker] aww

[03:14] [kracker] no tune 4u

[03:14] * rmarte (castleton on hudson ny, US) has joined

[03:14] [kracker] next

[03:14] * rmarte has left

[03:14] [kracker] pmlol

[03:14] [kracker] aww

[03:15] [kracker] owner locked the tuner so sad too bad here have a cookie.. next

[03:16] * (name red.): 6.93MHz, AM, 6kHz

[03:17] [kracker] band opened up

[03:17] [kracker] not just the 3kc adjustment

[03:19] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:20] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:20] * johnlock has left

[03:28] * pizzadxer has left

[03:31] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:31] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:38] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[03:39] [RF] get an ID?

[03:39] [kracker] wake up r**

[03:39] [RF] lol

[03:39] [kracker] did she swallow?

[03:39] [RF] like a champ

[03:39] [kracker] enquiring minds wanna know

[03:39] [RF] haha

[03:39] [kracker] good 4 u

[03:40] [kracker] u know where chat i

[03:40] [kracker] s

[03:40] [RF] ya

[03:43] [kracker] hey r**?

[03:43] [RF] yea

[03:43] [kracker] poet is a punk ass beioch

[03:43] [RF] is this him?

[03:44] [kracker] thinkin it is northern relay

[03:44] [kracker] poet friendly

[03:44] [RF] kk

[03:44] [kracker] no matter

[03:44] [kracker] i got their ass kicked at will

[03:45] [RF] did he get the bust? you mentioned or someone did bcasting

[03:47] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, AM, 6kHz

[03:47] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, USB, 6kHz

[03:47] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, USB, 3kHz

[03:48] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, LSB, 3kHz

[03:48] [kracker] wow you totaly fucked that up

[03:48] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, USB, 3kHz

[03:48] [kracker] congrats

[03:48] [(name red.)] que?

[03:48] [kracker] got any other tricks up your sleve?

[03:49] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, AM, 3kHz

[03:49] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, AM, 5.1kHz

[03:49] * (name red.): 6.93MHz, AM, 5.1kHz

[03:49] [kracker] wow your amazingly retared

[03:49] * Receiver has been locked by RF

[03:49] [(name red.)] is you rado?

[03:49] [kracker] retarded

[03:49] [(name red.)] que?

[03:49] [RF] no but it IS mine

[03:49] [kracker] no your just a friggin moron

[03:49] [kracker] fucktard

[03:49] [(name red.)] ok RF thanks you my freind

[03:50] [kracker] get fuckin lost dumb ass

[03:50] [(name red.)] is good rado is fast

[03:50] [RF] whats the freq K?

[03:50] [(name red.)] I thanks you adeus

[03:50] [kracker] your still a fuckin moron you stupid piece of schit

[03:51] [(name red.)] que?

[03:51] [kracker] take a long walk off a short pier

[03:51] [kracker] fuck you asshat

[03:51] [kracker] your the result of a gang rape on a pool table

[03:51] [(name red.)] I sorry my english no so good

[03:51] [kracker] like i could give a fuck

[03:52] [kracker] go some where they speak your language cockwad

[03:52] [kracker] like the land of brown eye

[03:53] [(name red.)] you speak what?

[03:57] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:57] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:58] [(name red.)] ok I thanks you my freinds adeus good dx

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Name That Tune: Song recognition software for radio listeners and DXers

"Girls have got balls.
They're just a little higher up that's all."

--Joan Jett

Musings by Pheme Ossa

Among the great joys of free, pirate and indie radio is hearing non-mainstream music. And among the frustrations is being unable to identify a song or artist to find more of their music. It's particularly difficult with instrumental music or vocals for which you can't hear the lyrics clearly enough to Google, or the lyrics are in another language.

Even some licensed radio stations are too damned hip to identify songs and artists. Despite complaints from listeners, some stations have adhered to the "no back announcing" policy that is just as stupid now as it was decades ago when some boneheaded consultants decided that somehow identifying songs already played would slow down the momentum, or would cut into advertising time, or would spoil the station's carefully cultivated hipper-than-thou mystique, or would require actual live human beings to identify songs.

There's probably a way to automate song IDs as well, using ID3 metadata to provide info for a computer voice to read. That'd be a great way to make Jack FM even less interesting.

Every few years the same story is recycled in some major news outlet.
"It just makes sense to do it (identify songs played)," said Dan Mason, the president and chief executive of CBS Radio. "(We) probably underestimated at the time how much people really wanted that information," he said of the no-clutter trend of the 1980s that eliminated most DJ breaks to identify songs.
--(The New York Times,
CBS Radio Reminds D.J.'s to Identify Songs: 'When You Play It, Say It', May 29, 2011)

"When you work in a record store and someone comes in and starts humming something and you're supposed to guess what it is, that's frustrating," said Carl Rosenbaum, president of Flip Side Records, which operates 17 retail outlets in the Chicago area.
--(From the Los Angeles Times,
'What Was That Last Song?' : Record Industry, Radio Deejays at Odds Over Song IDs, April 11, 1989)

Opinions vary, natch:
"Don't know about you, but I get irritated when you hear presenters tell you what an obvious song was, for example "That was Meatloaf and I'll do Anything for Love" ... I remember John Myers once say if he ever heard a presenter say 'and that was The Beatles with Hey Jude" he'd fire them!"
--Some bloke on some other naff site.

With record stores mostly part of ancient history, to whom does one hum to name that tune?

How 'bout Tunatic, Midomi or Shazam?

(Update 12/10/11: Forgot to include the smart phone app SoundHound, about which Gizmodo sez "Unlike Shazam, it will hazard a guess at just about any tune thrown at it, whether it human or speaker-created, and it'll succeed most of the time.")

A couple of years ago Evil Elvis tipped us to Tunatic, a music recognition program that users reported worked surprisingly well, even for identifying songs off scratchy shortwave reception. Since then, Midomi, a comparable web-based music recognition utility, has appeared. We finally gave it a go recently.

Another recommended music recognition tool is Shazam, which appears to be available only as an app for mobile devices. Those of you who are less paranoid than we are may wish to try the Shazam or Midomi mobile versions for your personal entertainment/tracking devices.

The web-based version of Midomi uses a familiar Flash interface. It seems to assume users will hum or sing into their computer's microphone. If you record music off-air using a mic this would work, but not as well as a direct connection (see our experiences in the off-air recordings notes below). However you can easily set it to recognize music played from your own collection, or from YouTube or any other web source by setting your audio controls appropriately. For example, with a typical Windows PC, pull up the Recording Control and choose Mixer Balance (rather than the Line In option you'd use to record directly from your shortwave receiver). After Midomi suggests matches, many of the suggested songs are available in 30 second streams for immediate comparison and confirmation.

After a trial run with a few YouTube videos and mp3's off my computer, I began to be skeptical that Midomi was cheating and peeking at my mp3 metadata so I tried a few songs with no ID3 data, but it worked anyway. It appears to rely heavily on comparisons with an existing database of songs. That database already includes a large collection of familiar and eclectic music and it was surprisingly easy to identify music I'd never heard before.

First, the easy stuff:
  • Pavarotti's "Nessun Dorma" = Score! But that's an easy one.
  • Liz Phair "Fuck and Run" = Score!
  • Black Eyed Peas "Pump It" = Fail on the first try. I'd have scored the original "Misirlou" as a winner, but "Chain Reaction" by Young Divas? Drop and gimme 20, Midomi.
  • Second try for "Pump It" = Score! But I had to play it from 30 seconds into the song for Midomi to recognize it.
  • Geto Boys "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" = Score!
  • Dead Kennedys "Too Drunk To Fuck" = Score!
  • Nouvelle Vague version of "Too Drunk To Fuck" = Score!
  • NON "Total War" = Fail. Close, but Midomi picked the somewhat similar "Phoenix" by NON. To be fair, the versions of those songs in Midomi's database aren't very good, mushy without much bass so the rat-a-tat drums in "Total War" were buried in a fog of white noise.
  • "Do You Want Total Queer" = Fail. A little surprising it didn't default to the NON original for this obscure but brilliant spoof of "Total War".
  • "Dirge" Death in Vegas = Score!
  • "I Walk On Gilded Splinters" Dr. John = Score!
  • "Dus Bahane (Karke Legaye Dil)" = Score! We dig the Hindi-pop and so does Midomi.
  • "Do You Fear Sleep?" The Moscow Coup Attempt = Fail. Tried twice at different points in the song. Great song but probably too obscure so there's no copy in the Midomi database.
  • "Radio Junk" Yellow Magic Orchestra, from Radio Junk programme #1 = Score!
  • "Once In A Lifetime" cover by P.M. Dawn, also from Radio Junk #1 = Score!
  • "Streets of Calcutta" Ananda Shankar, from Radio Junk programme #2 = Score!

Okay, enough easy stuff. Let's try some off-air recordings, including some songs I didn't recognize. Starting with the best signals and working downward toward the weaker, noisier signals and those for which my receiver wasn't tuned quite on frequency for sideband broadcasts.

  • "Europa (Earth's Cry Heaven's Smile)" Santana = Score! From Radio Waves International Nov 13, 2011 show on 7415 with an excellent AM signal.

Wolverine Radio's Nov 13, 2011, train theme show, with strong signal peaks but fadey:
  • "Midnight Train to Georgia" Gladys Knight & the Pips = Score! Pretty impressive for single sideband audio with static, fades and some distortion due to my noise reduction software, applied after recording to cut down the heavy fog of white noise.
  • "Love Train" O'Jays = Score! Again, same Wolverine show, even worse static and fading.

From XFM off-air recordings:
  • Tesla "Call It What You Want" = Score! From XFM July 4, 2011 show, fair to good conditions.
  • Alice in Chains "Would" = Score! Same XFM show.
  • "Valley Girl" Moon Unit = Score! XFM July 5, 2011, again, fair to good conditions.
  • Right after "Valley Girl", Professional Murder Music "Slow" = Score! I'd never heard of this one before, couldn't even copy it well enough to Google the lyrics.
  • "Too Drunk To Fuck" Dead Kennedys = Score! Not the most familiar version but Midomi nailed it.
Various other off-air recordings:
  • "The Red Weed" = Score! From unid relay of Jeff Wayne's "War of the Worlds" musical, Feb 2011. This was an excellent AM signal and audio.
  • "I Love It When You Call Me Names" Joan Armatrading, from High Plains Relay Service, Dec 2011 = Score!
  • "Cotton Eye Joe" Rednex = Score! From Feb 2011 Bust-a-Nut Radio show, with very muddy copy on my end.
  • "You Keep Me Hanging On" Vanilla Fudge = Score! From Dec 2010 relay of Radio First Termer. Impressive because my recording was so weak I can't even ID the station broadcasting this relay.
  • "Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That Cigarette)" = Fail. From unid station, Dec 2010, this was as near impossible as it gets, what I'd call an overall signal (on SIO or SINPO scale) of 2, just barely audible occasionally and able to copy only familiar songs. Only the "Smoke! Smoke! Smoke!" chorus was audible through static, and the pitch was off because the receiver was mistuned on a USB signal. This appears to be the practical limit for Midomi.
  • "Antenna" Sonic Youth = Fail. From my own poor recording of our very own KBOX Radio Paranoia relay by WEAK, late 2010 or early 2011. Another overall 2 signal.
  • Primitive Radio Gods "Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand" and "Fading Out" = Fail. Very poor recording with mic up to speaker, barely audible.
From my own recent recording of our very own Gumby Radio relay by High Plains Relay Service, Nov 26, 2011. This programme had some fairly obscure music:
  • "Cruisin'" Mike Nesmith = Score, on second try! My recording, good signal strength but a lot of RFI. From Nov 26, 2011, High Plains Relay Service show just before relay of Gumby Radio. I didn't recognize this song myself. All I was able to copy was something about Lucy and Ramona, so Midomi helped.
  • Gumby theme song = Fail. From my own recording of Gumby Radio, good copy but possibly not in Midomi database. No luck with my studio quality recording either.
  • "Bend Me Shape Me" Hello = Score! From my Nov 26, 2011 recording of Gumby Radio.
  • "Gumby Is Dead" Jeff Capo = Fail/Score? Failed on off-air recording. But scored, sort of, on studio recording. Midomi suggested The Sunbeat Revival - "When I Think Of You(I Smile Neon Light)". Sure enough, the intro is virtually identical. Jeff Capo's version came out first, so perhaps Sunbeat Revival sampled the intro. To be fair, this is a fairly obscure song.
  • "Blockhead" Devo = Score!
  • Fiona Apple live with audience sing-along of Gumby (Gunji) theme = Fail. No surprise, too obscure.
  • "Bend Me Shape Me" by The Models = Score on second try! Failed on instrumental intro, but scored on opening lyrics. Very impressive. An obscure version, in nearly atonal singing style with mistuned audio from my receiver. (See: Girls in the Garage, Vol. 1)
  • "Twist and Shout" Beatles = Score! Easy peasy.
  • "Bend Me Shape Me" by the Rubinoos = Fail. Very similar to familiar and popular American Breed version, but no joy, including with studio recording.
Now the really tough test - humming. Would Midomi be able to make sense of my tuneless efforts and not confuse my version of Supertramp's "Breakfast in America" with "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"?
  • First up, I tried scatting a Muppet's style version of "Mahna Mahna". Midomi came close. Among the seven suggestions was a salsa styled "Mana Mana" by Ismael Rivera, which was pretty close. "Made In Japan" by Pato Fu? Not bad, it does indeed incorporate the "Mahna Mahna" bit. Gloria Estefan's "Conga"? Nah. And Phil Collins "You Can't Hurry Love?" Gimme a break. But let's blame my horrible humming. Let's call it score.
  • Next, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" = Score! I wonder if it can do that alphabet song?
  • First try at "Daisy, Daisy" = I'm sorry, Dave, it's going to go 100% failure. Midomi suggested "Iris" by Biagio Antonacci, "Yo Quisiera" by Reik, and "With You" by Chris Brown. Midomi doesnt' seem to like tuneless lower register voices.
  • Second try at "Daisy, Daisy" = Score! Midomi seems to prefer the upper register.
  • "Guantanamera" = Score! I actually sang "One ton tomato, oh he's a one ton tomato".
  • Lady Gaga "Paparazzi" = Score! And I'm pretty sure Gaga would get a restraining order against my singing voice.
  • "Blue Christmas" = Score! But Midomi suggested the Celine Dion version rather than the Elvis via Andy Kaufman version I thought I was singing.
  • "Feliz Navidada" by Jose Feliciano = Score! It even recognized the ever popular "Fleas on my dog" variant.
Judging from most of the user submitted voice samples, Midomi likes upper register voices - women and kids. Some of those voice samples weren't horrible. No way in hell was I gonna submit my own voice samples.

Also, with almost every hummed, scatted and tortured sprechgesang version I tried, Midomi suggested around half a dozen possibilities. The one exception was "Feliz Navidad", which Midomi nailed without alternative suggestions. So if you go that route for an unknown song, plan on sorting through a few possibilities before finding your song.

Overall, definitely the hot tip for identifying those songs we hear on the funny bands, or even for you better-behaved SWLs who prefer to avoid the oh-so-melodramatic pirate frequencies and may want to send a detailed reception report to snag a QSL from Radio Havana Cuba, Radio Australia or other shortwave broadcasters featuring music programmes.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

TWIRP: The Lagomurph Blinks

The mighty blargers stood virtual face to virtual face across the pitiless expanse of the interweb.

Grinch Faux, he stared with a baleful glare

a stare as bare as any may dare...

...and the Lagomurph blinked.

by Grinch Faux

The Lagomurph blinked and blinked and blinked

And off he'd slink in a terrible stink

to scribble some more of his stinkety ink.

Some stinkety ink about horrible Pinks

who dare to speak up whenever he finks.

This Week In Radio Paranoia: Mark it on your calendars, dear readers. Blarg date 29 November 2011, Commander Bunny begs for surrender in the pirate war that exists only in his imagination.

"YOU STOP – get your asshat monkey friends (Corq, aka: Guise Faux, HF Underground, Bxxxxxx Jxxxxx, Txxxx Txxxx, Kxxxx Mxxxxx & posts on FRC) to stop and then we’ll stop. How does that sound for a Peace Treaty? REMOVE ALL OFFENDING ATTACKS against Commander Bunny, Kracker and his friends…OR NO TREATY!"

" don’t want your full name and public address being posted on the WBNY website? Then you stop doing the same thing to other people in Pirate Radio, and have your nasty little monkey friends stop it! Corq aka: Guise(honestly its not a secret anymore), HF Underpants, FRC etc. You stop it or it I will keep it visible and public until the end of time! Think I’m fooling? Try me! Here is your chance to END IT"
--Commander Bunny, WBNY blog, "WBNY WEBSITE: 28,933 Visitors EVERY SINGLE DAY!", November 29, 2011

Yes, it's a ranty rabid rabbit sort of huffy puffy threatening sort of surrender, but the real message is clear when you read betwixt the lines lyings.

Whilst we appreciate the Lagomurph's conciliatory gesture and tacit admission of guilt in prosecuting an imaginary war, it's completely unnecessary. The war, if one exists, is totally within his paranoid imagination. Just as it has been for over a decade.

Take the cure for myxomatosis, dear fellow. Relieve yourself of the obviously heavy burden of guilt you're experiencing for having dragged so many innocent peripheral bystanders into your bizarro world orbit. No need for unseemly public atonement. Just start privately...

...with "Spore", whom you publicly slandered whilst exposing the names addresses and amateur radio call signs of an entire family, without even knowing for certain that you'd targeted the correct person in your tantrum.

...with Radio Ga-Ga, whom you needlessly baited into an argument, with your Beans and Official Press Release sockpuppets, over a minor allegation of QRM that could easily have been resolved less melodramatically - and certainly without your publicly identifying his city.

...with Doc John for attempting to entrap him and silence his station, again using a sockpuppet, followed by your hysterical spectacle of slanders and pleading tantrums on the FRN, on your blog, your Facebook account, on the Free Radio Weekly and by e-mail to dozens of people.

...finally, with the many innocent individuals whom you have targeted in your misguided rage, in particular Gayle Van Horn who did absolutely nothing to you other than to pop up as some sort of apparition in your fevered imaginings.

Don't apologize because we've suggested it. Do it for you own peace of mind.

We are not warriors. We are historians to your hysterias. All we've done here is to document what we've observed. We are but attentive scribes, jotting down the lyrics sung by a tragi-comic tenor, transcribing the notes to this humoresque as best we can whilst attempting, in our ever so 'umble way, to convey the full scope of emotion, intrigue and brilliant irony in your personal opera.

And in that pursuit of yeomanlike documentary of your adventures through free radio and the blargosphere, we shall on occasion challenge, correct and refute your more incredible calumnies, defamations and dissemblings, in the pursuit of noble truth.

Such truth will on occasion, as appropriate, make reference to your true identity. Not out of any sense of malice, but in the pursuit of accuracy. As you well know from your long career, you are, after all, a public figure - or, at the very least, a limited public figure - within the standard definitions of journalism practice in North America. Your distinguished career in licensed commercial broadcasting and various endeavors in regional politics and commentaries on regional issues ranging from politics to the media clearly qualify you for such consideration and we would be remiss in failing to note that distinction. But you already know this. We've listened to your talk radio shows. We've read your commentaries on regional issues.

And none of your thrashings over the situation with Poet and TCS will distract us from the attentions you have earned the hard harebrained way. Sputter "But-but-but, Poet! But-but-but, a$$hat$! But-but-but, ruining our fun!" all you like until your overgrown incisors need a veterinarian's attentions. Nothing in the Tales of Radio Paranoia blarg will be deleted. Because we are confident you understand free speech, parody and satire. You used to have an admirable station by the name of Radio Free Speech that employed those very same techniques in pursuit of a greater truth.

Meanwhile, virtually none of the persons you have targeted for your... attentions... shall we say, scurrilous diatribes?... would qualify as even limited public figures. The lone possible exception might be Mrs. Van Horn, but as we have attempted to assure you and Kracker repeatedly, she has had naught to do with Tales of Radio Paranoia.

By the by, dear fellow, we noticed your recent frantic revisions to the above cited WBNY blarg now include some new names. You should be aware that there is a strong possibility that one or more of those persons are free radio operators and have done absolutely nothing to merit your peculiarly expressed affections. We mention this only in the interest of helping you to avoid yet another embarrassing situation in which you have once again dropped dox and exposed others to the attentions of regulatory enforcement officers.

And, dear readers, we strongly suggest that in order to avoid such uninvited attentions from the Lagomurph, you may wish to join us in chanting... Good luck, buddy, I'm behind seven Boxxies!

News of the Now - for real
Still feeling a bit misogynistic?
International Freedom of Expression - IFEX members highlight risks faced by female journalists on International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.

Video of the Now
Still feeling like dropping dox and exposing real names, addresses and personal information about people who've done nothing to merit your angst?
StealthBadger soberly explains "Why You Don't Drop Dox"

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving from Anarchy

We are thankful for all our fellow trolls, anarchists, friends, wise counselors, mentors and relay stations who take all the risk. Even if we infuriate some of you. And especially if you infuriate us. Because you helped motivate us to find, claim and fight our own artistic space in this lunatic asylum. Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving all you Guys and Guise.

Recommended reading: Are You An Anarchist?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

TWIRP: Racism, in MY pirate radio? It's more or less ambiguous than you may or may not think

"We would call this movie an example of reverse racism at its finest, but that would imply that we condone a certain type of racism, and frankly, it's all the same to us. So when the youngest Wayans brothers donned whiteface to crack some jokes at the expense of white people, we laughed. And laughed again when they sang some Vanessa Carlton. But that doesn't make it right. No, not in the least."
--From Complex Magazine's oh-so-PC course in pop culture apologetics, "The 50 Most Racist Movies (You Didn't Think Were Racist)" on the Wayans brothers movie, "White Chicks"

Oh, yeah... that review included an click to buy link. Nothing says "We may feel guilty for laughing at vaguely racist humor, but not too guilty to miss an opportunity at a marketing tie-in" like an link.
This Week In Radio Paranoia... a mixed message bag of racist humour! Marshall McLuhan said "The medium is the message." A corollary may be "Context is everything." So it is with humour that touches on race, religion and similarly sensitive issues. Let's see if you agree in regard to these very recent examples in the shortwave pirate radio medium.

  • Fake TCS = lol Bonehead League in ur radio makin' FUD.
  • KBLK = lol white boy in ur radio gettin' his black on to editorialize, yeeaaoww.

He who smelt it, dealt it
November 13, 2011, 2200 UTC, 6950 AM
Some unidentified station faked a program and broadcast by The Crystal Ship, playing racist music with TCS ID's clumsily spliced between songs. It apparently was a failed attempt to smear the reputation of John Poet of TCS. Anyone who has heard genuine broadcasts by TCS would know he would never play this type of material. The worst anyone can say of the Poet is he is an idealistic progressive in the mold of the great American upper midwestern socialism. It may also be the best you can say of him, if you happen to share that idealism. GF prefers anarchy.

The station ID's were obviously faked, cut from real TCS programs. Poet's familiar opening monologue, consisting of a reading of the opening lyrics to the song "The Crystal Ship" by The Doors, was placed uncharacteristically in the middle of the hoaxed program and repeated. The other ID, in John Poet's voice, was repeated two or three times, also uncharacteristic. Poet usually mixes up pre-recorded ID's and includes those by Juliana Montana.

Rather than the familiar National Anthem of the Soviet Union which begins most genuine TCS broadcasts, the faked program began with dialog from the 1941 Disney movie "The Reluctant Dragon", which contains the "punk poet" audio segment Kracker has used in recent Radio Jamba International shows targeting Poet. A copy of the movie may be found on YouTube, where the uploader described the dragon as "extremely faggalicious". This, presumably, drew Kracker's attention whilst he was Googling his favourite topic.

Who was first to sense the scent of this stinker? Interestingly, only a handful of listeners and/or sockpuppets reported hearing this broadcast, all on the Frolicsome Rabbit Nuthugger's haunt. 't' blames Kracker. Bad Andy sez "No this could only be Commander Bunny he is way more evil than Kracker." Krackwhore McIdiot and the Virginia Bunnyman plead innocence... or ignorance... probably both. Most of that thread smells trollish, other than comments by Boomer, and, perhaps, John Galt and JTA. And believe me, I know what troll smells like... takes one to know one.

Since Poet's FCC bust was announced in July - accompanied by an oh-so-eager announcement on the FRN by probable Pat Murphy sockpuppet "MIB" - the only pirate radio operators to continually take jabs at Poet, including repeatedly specifying his real name and complete address, are Murphy, under his Commander Bunny persona on his WBNY blog, and Paul McElligott, aka "Kracker" of Radio Jamba International. Both have professed their innocence. The ladies doth protest too much, methinks.

We say "He who smelt it,
dealt it."

Streaming audio of an edited version of the faked TCS broadcast, with the offensive racist music deleted. You may, if you choose, download the unedited version here. The lyrics for these songs may be found here. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Can We All Just Get Along?
A few people may have been puzzled at my comment on the HF Underground that I found the KBLK show hilarious. I did, and still do. But not necessarily for the obvious reasons.

The attempt at appeasement by KBLK might have been more persuasive, if not for the unfortunate timing of coinciding with the overtly offensive racist faked TCS broadcast.

HFU logs for KBLK
12 Nov 2011 - 6925 AM 2220 UTC
14 Nov 2011 - 6925 AM 0010 UTC
Audio stream for 32 minute KBLK program here.

While some may take offence at the presumed use of a "black" voice by a presumably white man, I found it generally funny for the barbed wit aimed at this year's "pirate war". I really did laugh aloud when he named Guise Faux among the combatants. As the announcer, "Straight G", observed, most of the "war" has been waged online - including with the ToRP blog - in a hobby dominated by a demographic of mostly middle aged white men.

I would take exception only at the implied presumption that few women are interested in the shortwave listening hobby, or specifically in pirate radio broadcasting. However I would say - considering the misogynistic abuse Pat Murphy and Paul McElligott have directed toward two notable women SWLs, Gayle Van Horn and Lori Easterly - it's not surprising that most women in the SWL, amateur radio and pirate radio hobbies prefer to keep a low profile.

First, however, the entire KBLK show is a mixed message. On the one hand, it begins with "Cheri Love Affair" by punk performance artist G.G. Allin, before segueing into the dark side. The only possible relevance we can see is some vague nod toward wannabe punk Kracker, who may have pretensions toward Allin's reputation for being hardcore, but lacks the minerals to follow through to the inevitable conclusion. But we wish him all the best in that pursuit.

The DJ's pseudo-black patois puts a modestly edgy veneer on the humour. Then somehow it segues into what amounts to a Rodney King style "can't we all just get along" plea for a return to fun, safe, non-threatening hobbyist pirate radio. In the end, it sounds like a plea to do it, people, do it for the sake of comfortable, white, middle class pirate radio.

The gangsta patois shouldn't bother anyone who's hip to trashy pop culture. If it's distasteful, someone needs to tell Quentin Tarantino to delete his scenes (Jimmie Dimmick - The Bonnie Situation) from "Pulp Fiction". Or Gary Oldman's scenes from "True Romance". Or Robert Downey, Jr. in "Tropic Thunder". Or Darrell Hammond's Jesse Jackson impressions from Saturday Night Live. Or... just get the fuck over it.

Beastie Boys? Vanilla Ice? Eminem? Mimicking a stereotypical Jewish, Mexican, Asian or black gangsta voice and style isn't even edgy anymore, let alone racist. Not any more than mocking the foibles of pirate radio in this blog is killing pirate radio.

But if you object to this blog about pirate radio while you've voiced no objections to the misogynistic cyber-harassment of Mrs. Van Horn and Ms. Easterly by McElligott and Murphy, which includes besmirching their professional reputations, then pardon my yawning at your mild discomfort over not hearing more Pink Floyd and Grateful Dead on shortwave rather than a spat that would barely ruffle your mom's feathers compared with the typical YouTube comment sections.

Besides, for all we know, the KBLK DJ really is black. Hard to tell since his voice covered every accent from Chris Rock to Wolfman Jack. Better dig up the Wolfman and warn him someone's mocking wolfmen... or corpses.

Now, one thing that's funny - besides the pretty good voice work - is that he's right about most of us being white, middle aged, and with way too much time on our hands if we can find the time and energy to poke each other online or on the air.

It's also funny that he thinks we're all white, middle aged men. Because depending on the moon phase, Commander Bunny can't seem to decide whether I'm him, or I'm Tennessee troll Evil Elvis, or I'm Corq, or I'm just a sockpuppet for Poet. Eventually he'll get around to all of you other white, middle aged guys, so just wait your turns. The Lagomurph may not know whodunnit, but he knows one of you done it.

Another amusing bit is that Mr. DJ thinks the problem can be solved by ignoring Murphy and his sockpuppets. Well, that's been tried, hasn't it? Back in 2001. Back in 2008. Again in early 2011. Look how well that worked out. Where was your angst then? Or were you a mite too cautious to take on the lumbering Lagomurph and his sock drawer army?

"I can promise you that not once will you ever read on this blog that pirate radio is destroying blogging."

But the funniest thing of all? The notion that exercising free speech by blogging about the wonderfully diverse quirks and foibles of the pirate radio scene is somehow destroying pirate radio. Meanwhile, pirate radio is "free speech", but... I can promise you that not once will you ever read on this blog that pirate radio is destroying blogging.

With over 31,000 page views since March 2011, astonishing growth for any blog, let alone a niche hobbyist blog, the readership speaks for itself. Not once has this blog pimped itself via sockpuppets on every radio related website. We leave that to the Virginia Bunnyman. Not once have we sent out QSL cards, refrigerator magnets or bumper stickers ridiculing innocent people who are only peripherally involved in the SWL hobby. We leave that to Murphy and McElligott.

But we do extend our deepest appreciation to the Lagomurph for going to such expense to publicize our blog. It's that kind of genuine grassroots, word of mouth, supportive fanbase that's proven how Radio Free Speech really works.

In the end, the message from the KBLK narrator - which we believe to have been genuinely intended to reduce the tension - resulted in a misfire due to occurring the same weekend as the faked racist TCS broadcasts. In the end, the entire mixed message basically sounded like the "Mars Attacks!" Martians: "ACK! ACK!"

Can't we all just get a LOL?

Oh, by the way... remember what happened after that stirring speech by the President? Yeah, the Martians vaporized him. Blessed are the peacemakers.

Finally, if you're finding it difficult to grok how fucked up it is to find some types of racial or ethnic humor funny - even if you feel a little guilty about it - and other types not funny by any standards, imagine growing up with Zwarte Piet and Sinterclaas, or Krampus as part of your winter holiday festivities.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Poppy music

From last week's "Remember, remember" to this week's Remembrance Day...

We don't have any particularly insightful message for this Veteran's Day, Remembrance Day... just another of those annoyingly pretentious bits of ironic juxtaposition, whilst pondering the traditional poppy, its symbolic use in the Wizard of Oz, and the traps our leaders set for us in recklessly interventionist global policy.

Of course, we salute Guy Fawkes, who fought in the service of His Majesty King Philip II of Spain against the wooden-clog-wearing hash-smokers, and later for Catesby's mercenaries, until rather suddenly reaching the end of his rope in January 1606.

"Look here, upon this picture...

and on this,
The counterfeit present- ment...

...and what judgment
Would step from this...
--Hamlet, III.iv

Muammar Gaddafi being poppyized. With the clownish Libyan strongman out of the way, the borders are now wide open for U.S.-sponsored drug trafficking.

"In Afghan Fields did the USA
Guard poppy fields where terrorists play.
And with no sense of irony,
A 'War on Drugs' for us, you see.
With prisons to fill, what better way?"

Jackie Jura did a better job revising the classic "In Flanders Fields" poem.

Video: U.S. Marines Guard Afghanistan Poppy Fields

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Remember, remember...

Evey: "Are you like a crazy person?"
V: "I am quite sure they will say so."
--V for Vendetta

Remember, remember...

...the Fourth of July, 2008.

No, it doesn't rhyme with "Fifth of November". But it has everything to do with anarchy, and nothing to do with gunpowder, treason and plot.

Well... not unless you embrace any hierarchical system that is antithetical to anarchy. In which case, you may prefer to join with Pat Murphy who, in his fraudulent e-mail purportedly sent to the FCC, described John Poet of The Crystal Ship thusly:

"He is a treasonous voice of dissent and needs to be silenced."

Doesn't quite sound like the voice of a true anarchist, does it?

Rather than any concise or even particularly coherent theme for Guy Fawkes Night, these are just some musings on the nature of anarchy related to, and the ironic juxtaposition of opinions about, anarchy within the pirate/free radio scene.

Besides, everything else about Guy Fawkes has been written better than I could manage. Musing about his reemergence in pop culture and role as an icon of Anonymous would require either a treatise on semiotics or a significant dedication of time and energy immersed in the quirky quasi-collective anarchistic sub-culture of the interbutt. And unless you're familiar with V for Vendetta, either the graphic novel - with its greater emphasis on anarchy - or the movie, delving into the tropes inspired by that contemporary personification of Guy Fawkes would be pointless. Suffice it to say, there's more to it than the mainstream media-coined descriptions of Anonymous as hacktivists or trolls.

Let's take a look at a few comments on anarchy within the U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene over the past few years:

"LISTENING to pirate radio is illeagle? (sic)"
March 03, 2007

Rockin' Rick
March 09, 2007 02:28
"Why are people so afraid of anarchy? It is not chaos."

Bill O. Rights
March 09, 2007 10:41
"The anarchy point was well put, but I'm afraid lost on this group..."

"Pirate Radio NET ??"

Bill O. Rights
October 26, 2007 23:21
"I have also observed, over the years, many well intentioned efforts to "organize" pirates to do one thing or another. These too end in disaster, as pirates don't like to be told what to do, even if its done nicely. They are anarchists of the truest form and aren't people who join or like to be in groups."

"Seriously, thank you everyone and Merry Christmas!"

Pat Murphy said...
December 27, 2010 12:22
"For a bunch of anarchist who can't stand to be grouped or told what to do, the Pirate Radio bunch has come a long way."

Those are some mighty fine pretty words about anarchy, Mr. Murphy.

But, oh, those nights of July 4th and 5th, 2008, and the subsequent "pirate war"... that was real anarchy!

Off-air recording of computer voice rant from July 4-5, 2008, accusing then-Free Radio Network administrator Pat Murphy of rampant sockpuppetry, multiple personality disorder and other abuses.

The first 30 seconds are from a 2006 WBNY "feud" show, which featured a backward recording. In this case the recording was corrected including the pitch shift used for the Commander Bunny voice. This in part contributed to Murphy's dislike for European pirates, since Alfred (former owner of the Alfa Lima site) was blamed for correcting the recording. In Alfred's defense, he was only responding to a challenge from Commander Bunny to solve the hidden message. Since that recording was publicly available online for a couple of years, it could have been downloaded and reused by anyone, so this should in no way be interpreted to implicate Alfred for the computer voice rant.

The computer voice rant begins at around the 30 second mark. Toward the end is heard audio from Brother Stair for reasons unknown, perhaps for dramatic effect. The source of this broadcast remains unknown, although Murphy and Kracker variously accused at least three different people, in their typical "fling enough poop, maybe something will stick" fashion. (Note: One of the persons named as a Murphy sockpuppet was very definitely incorrect - DB is not a Murphy sockpuppet. He's a DXer, a good fellow and lives nowhere near Murphy.)

hat was the overture to this comic opera
which we, merely your Shakespearean Chorus, endeavor to describe in a fashion that may amuse, bemuse and confuse. Since then we've enjoyed the arias during the 2009-2010 era, a time when several new and independent minded operators joined the fray with numerous quality shows that could be heard loud and clear - all minus the ego driven melodrama that characterizes Murphy's influence.

This year we've heard a sort of post-modern deconstruction, a cacophony of echoes melding a reprise of the 2008 overture mixed with offstage noises by rebellious players, and improvisations by various and sundry passersby. Will the entire theatrical set collapse before the final act? Who cares? It's a comic opera. Catastrophe could only make it more entertaining.


But, in summary... a computer voice broadcast played two or more times beginning July 4, 2008, accused Pat Murphy of abusive sockpuppetry; interviewing himself (by staging "interviews" with Commander Bunny of WBNY and Bill O. Rights of Radio Free Speech); and permitting, even encouraging, Kracker to repeatedly post abusive rants targeting other FRN participants, including exposing real names and addresses. In his frenzied retaliation against the still-unknown perpetrator of that anonymous computer voice broadcast, Kracker lived up to the accusations by threatening stalking and physical violence against at least two former participants on the FRN.

In the process Kracker also exposed the real identity and location of another pirate radio operator, screeching over the airwaves " traitorous fucking piece of shit!" and "... I've got your fucking address! You ordered a fucking t-shirt!"

Somehow, the concept of "traitorous" and anarchy don't quite seem to mesh. But no matter in the Bunnyman's through-the-looking-glass and down-the-rabbit-hole funhouse.

So, why were these abuses - purportedly violations of some nebulous "pirate code" - tolerated and even given tacit approval?

Anarchy. Real anarchy, not gentlemen's agreement, Marquis of Queensbury, bourgeois weekend hobbyist anarchy.

It is the type of anarchy preached and practiced only by the hapless zealot Lucian Gregory of G.K. Chesterton's classic allegorical novel The Man Who Was Thursday, in which it was revealed that of the council of seven anarchists, all but one turned out to be police detectives who not only had infiltrated the council but actually led the band of so-called anarchists.

As fantastic and improbable as that quaint novel seemed (and which apparently inspired Gabriel Syme's imaginative and very entertaining Voice of Next Thursday programmes), the U.S. pirate radio scene under Pat Murphy's influence far surpassed Chesterton's imaginings in duplicity, conniving and cunning. To this day, Murphy still seems to believe that the faithful will trust him when he claims to support anarchists in pirate radio. And he does, in the same condescending way the owner of a doberman might assure you that your yappy little chihuahua is just as good a watchdog. In practice, however, he and his sycophantic Krackwhore do as they please, including exposing identities of pirates they consider rivals or slandering and defaming anyone they consider enemies.

Because that is precisely what a genuine, diehard anarchist would do.

So Murphy and Kracker are the genuine anarchists whilst those of you who try to obey the "rules" they've concocted are closer to amateur radio operators licensed by the FCC or Industry Canada. Murphy is counting on you to play by a set of rules he prescribes, but which he has no intention of heeding. As he wrote in 2007 under his "Beans" sockpuppet: "I don't get it!" And he probably never will.

"Murphy is counting on you to play by a set of rules he prescribes, but which he has no intention of heeding."

That's why Murphy - under his Commander Bunny persona - can continue to repeatedly publish on his WBNY blog Poet's full real name and address, even though the street address was never specified on the FCC notice. Because the "pirate's code" applies only to you, not to him.

That's why Murphy and Paul McElligott - Kracker's real name according to publicly available court documents - can repeatedly slander, defame, cyber-stalk and harass women shortwave listeners like Gayle Van Horn and Lori Easterly - corq to her friends - despite having absolutely no evidence that either woman has had anything to do with the Tales of Radio Paranoia blog, other than to read it. Because the "pirate's code" applies only to you, not to Murphy and Kracker.

And that's why, as with this entire weekend, they can QRM the broadcasts of rivals without fear, whilst claiming that the station who was on first was actually to blame for the interference. Because the rules only apply to you, not to them.

Is this hypocritical? No! Because, again, that is precisely what a real anarchist would do. Anything goes. In the absence of any sort of codified order what emerges is any interpretation anyone wishes to apply to the like of the Golden Rule of the Judeo-Christian concept, the Thelemic "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law", or karma, which Murphy seems to equate with revenge or vendetta.

The problem with anarchy is that few have the stomach for total anarchy. Most of us believe we want anarchy in certain areas of our lives - typically, free speech, if you're a pirate radio hobbyist or practitioner - but if pressed would probably admit we'd be more comfortable with order even if it meant certain limitations on liberties.

Despite his proclamations supporting anarchy in pirate radio, particularly under his Bill O. Rights persona (not a mere sycophantic sockpuppet like his Beans, Mosby, Thumper and Bouncer characters), Pat Murphy seemed to be drawn toward imposing *his* order rather than trusting true anarchy. But like any good totalitarian propagandist who's counting on climbing the corpses of other anarchists who led the charge, Murphy is counting on you to swallow his pablum about supporting free radio anarchists. Because under his exemplary leadership, in anarchy all things are permissible, nothing is forbidden... to him, or to his sycophants. But for you, well... some anarchists are more equal than others.

As with the hamster cannibal radio wars on the 20 meter band the past decade (14275 and 14313), the strongest signal and clearest message wins. The messenger, and his or her character, or lack thereof, hardly matter.

John Poet of The Crystal Ship may have summed it up best in an unintentionally prescient post on the FRN in 2007:

October 27, 2007 16:54

"The war is over. The anarchists have won. God Save The country and Free Radio."
--The Poet

So, remember, remember...

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

WBNY's Murphy Hopes Stunt Boosts Liarbitron Ratings

"Until this moment... I think I have never really gauged your cruelty or your recklessness... You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"
--Joseph N. Welch, to Senator Joseph McCarthy, June 9, 1954

"Don't overestimate the decency of the human race." --H. L. Mencken

by Pheme Ossa
Illustrations by Dea Fauxnette

Schlock jock Pat Murphy & The Moaning Crude of WBNY - aka Commander Bunny and his sock drawer - upped the ante in his continuing bid for the top spot in the Liarbitron shortwave pirate radio ratings by taking out a full page ad in trade journals confessing to rampant sockpuppetry, misogyny and multiple personality disorder.

Coming on the heels of his Operation Misogyny campaign, launched October 20th to cyber-stalk and harass women in the shortwave radio hobby, Murphy said he hopes the new ad will secure his position as the Worst Fucking Human Being Ever to Key Up a Microphone. Recipients of that coveted lifetime achievement award include Tokyo Rose, Lord Haw-Haw, Axis Sally, Casey Kasem and Guy Fawkes.

"I know the competition is stiff," said Murphy. "I'm up against truly repugnant fellows like Pastor Peter J. Peters and Karol Madera (VE7KFM), who for the past decade has dominated the shortwave radio Liarbitron sweeps as the most loathsome man behind the mic. Those guys on the 14313 USB kHz splinter of the 20 meter band are incredibly prolific, admirably vile in a way I can only dream of, and crank out booming signals that can actually be heard world wide. I'm lucky if the feral cats in the rusted out trucks in my backyard can hear my 10 watt signal."

"But," he continued, "I'm confident in my support hose team of Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer, Bill O. Rights, Officious Pus Release, RF Burnz, lovemyradios, Winston, '2531', MIB, theguardianus, Bob Smith and a few other sleeper socks waiting to be involuntarily activated the next time my myxomatosis related dementia kicks in."

Murphy admits it will be very difficult to top Madera in terms of sheer hours on the mic and resilience. "Madera takes as well as he gives. He can absorb verbal punishment that makes me cringe," said Murphy. "I'm really a coward. I can't tolerate even the slightest hint of criticism and I'm incapable of discerning the difference between humour and insult. To compensate for being a paranoid pussy, I've developed a large posse of sockpuppets to support me when I'm incapable of mustering a rational argument or playing the dozens without starting to cry."

"I really believe my versatility in creating a complete cast of support hose characters is my strong suit," Murphy asserted, while speaking to sockpuppets on both of his hands. "Yes, yes, it is," agreed Beans.

"You're the greatest," assured Bill O. Rights, who was absently doodling the words "nasty", "bloggers", "ruining" and "fun" on a napkin. "Notes for my next dozen blog posts," he explained.

"Did I use sockpuppets? Yes I did."
--Commander "Stockingstuffer" Bunny, 13 May 2011

"Its one thing to be critical of another's work, but exposing them to an FCC bust is unforgivable. Shameful conduct," said Murphy. "So that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Murphy plans to tout his many pirate radio accomplishments in the upcoming ad campaign.

Under his many aliases and sockpuppets, the man in the Commander Bunny suit attempted to have authorities shut down a rival Canadian shortwave pirate station in 2011. In 2009, under his support-hose monikers Beans and Official Press Release, the Lagomurph baited another station operator into an argument and then publicly posted the fellow's home city. Murphy has been accused of informing against other pirates, most recently The Crystal Ship.

More recently a blogging blitz by the Virginia Bunnyman has enhanced his reputation as the most deranged broadcaster who isn't on the 75 meter or 20 meter bands.

"Why use a 'blog' to harm others?" wrote Murphy on his WBNY blog earlier this year. "Well... because it's damned fun! For me, at least."

Among his many accomplishments in pirate radio:
  • Murphy garnered coveted firsties by repeatedly posting the actual address for John Poet of The Crystal Ship, even though that specific information was not on the FCC warning letter.
  • Murphy perpetrated a blatant hoax to blame and frame a shortwave listener for the TCS bust, and continued his pitiable laughable insistence on the lie long after his hoax was revealed.
  • He used his multiple sockpuppets to repeatedly slander perceived rivals and enemies as "pedophiles"- thus finally achieving his lifelong goal of becoming indistinguishable from Karol Madera (VE7KFM) and the cannibal hamsters who haunt 14313 USB.
  • Recently the Bunnymurph insulted and harassed women shortwave radio fans who had nothing to do with Murphy's delusional, fabricated paranoid grievances - Gayle Van Horn (respected Monitoring Times magazine and Shortwave Central blog columnist) and Corq, a 133t DXer with mad skillz - characterizing one as "in-bred" and another as a "bitch", "bull dyke" and other colourful pejorative epithets that are sure to win over the next generation of women in radio.
  • Murphy continues to misrepresent a 2008 automobile accident in which a West Virginia DXer was injured. According to law enforcement officials, the radio hobbyist known as Alex explained "I was trying to run over a rabid rabbit and lost control of the vehicle, nearly plunging off a bridge. The officers thanked me for at least wounding the critter." Deputies shot and killed the varmint which turned out to be one of the many deranged Virginia Bunnymen who haunt the hills in that region.

For all these achievements in the black arts of chicanery, generalized misanthropy with a specialty in misogyny, flagrant sockpuppetry with brazen disregard for the sound of facepalming heard 'round the world, unrepentant lying and nut-tucking that would make Scrat and Jame Gumb envious, Tales of Radio Paranoia offers best wishes to Pat Murphy in his continuing quest to secure a spot as The Worst Fucking Human Being Ever to Key Up a Microphone.

Tales of Radio Paranoia got a sneak peek at Murphy's
upcoming Liarbitron ratings blitz ad.

Our intrepid rumours and graphics editor, Dea Fauxnette, is disGuising herself in a city of refuge whilst waiting for the current outbreak of mad-hare myxomatosis-driven cyber-stalking to run its course.

Correction 11/5/11: This article, written by Pheme Ossa, our Senior Women's Issues Correspondent, was originally incorrectly credited to Guise Faux. The attribution has been corrected. Our apologies to Ms. Ossa for the error.