Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Irony of Anonymity

"...The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones."

--Julius Caesar, 3.II

by Brown Nose the Pirate

When I got this shit assignment, Guise Faux sez "All I'm giving you is a working title: 'The Irony of Anonymity'. The rest is up to you."

"Irony"? sez I. "The fuckizzat? Sarcasm for pussies?"

"It's about how the tradition of anonymity and pseudonymity in pirate radio has become a trap," sez the boss.

"A trap?" sez I. "You mean like Admiral Ackbar 'It's a trap!' or Jaye Davidson 'It's a trap!'?"

"Either. Both. Neither," sez the boss, raising one eyebrow and looking moderately surprised. A rare event. Nothing seems to surprise him.

"Ennyways, fuckami, goddam octopus?" I protest. "Awreddy got one hand onna keyboard, tryin'ta finish part four of this 'Fester' trilogy, other hand onna beer. Now I gotta write this pussy shit about 'irony'? Give it to Dea."

"Part four of the Fester triology is already three months overdue," GF replies patiently. "And Dea is on holiday to Manitou Island again. Noone has your taste for... blood. Write it any way you want."

He walks toward the door without another look. "Big bonus," sez the boss. "I'm counting on you," he sez.

He pauses at the door and sez, without looking around, "Don't let me down."

Suddenlike, the hare on the back of my neck is standing up.

Awright, whatever, I need the cash.

Past few years I been talkin' to lotsa people 'bout this U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene. Station operators, listeners, webmasters and moderators, other people who write 'bout pirate radio, Discordians, trolls and anarchists. Tell ya, shit people say, 'specially late night after the band goes long, the six pack is gone and th' Ambien or Xanax kicks in.

Truth comes out, late night, tellya what.

Radio tuff guys
Like Kracker bragging 'bout he's gonna stalk Shlomanski's wife or some such schit, or snitching out Fansome on air in 2008, or he's gonna kick in Evil Elvis's last tooth, or he's gonna talk toddler babytalk to some guy who looked crosseyed at Krackwhore's sugar daddy, Commander Bunny. Seriously - on IRC... Kracker plops in like a turd, and sez, I shit you not... "ninny nanny noo noo stick your head in doo doo."

*** Log file opened: 3/2/2008 1:32:34 PM
[14:09] Guest1 is now known as RJI[14:10] [RJI] ninny nanny noo noo stick your head in doo doo
[14:10] [RJI] pmlol
[14:33] Guest1 Laughs Out Loud :D

[14:33] Guest1 Laughs Out Loud 1,8:D

[15:05] ChrisSmol sets mode: +b *!*
[15:05] ChrisSmol has kicked Guest from #pirateradio

Fuckin loudmouth leprechaun, spin some more Grateful Dead or cry some more about Fat Steve or do sumpin yer good at like warm up CB's nuts.

Ennyways, 'scuse my fuckin French...

Common theme ya hear is how this whole thing about anonymity - pseudonyms, aliases, whatever you wanna call it - has been corrupted, misused by a coupla guys, the bunnyman and his favorite nuthugging homunculus goon, tryin' to set up this cult. 'Cuz that's what it is, let's face it, fuckin' pagan Ishtar "Eoster" cult set up by this one guy got a hare up his butt, if ya catch my drift and I'm purty dang sure ya do. Other goon, tryin' to set up this Blowing League SubMoron clench onna FRN. And that's more of yer irony right there - Malaclypse, Hubbard, Jack Parsons, Stang, all 'em guys, gotta be laffin' their asses off at these clowns.

See, originally, these pirates, free radio operators, whatever, they gotta watch out for the FCC. Back in the day, this was serious stuff, big fines. And embarrassing. Some a these guys, they got licenses at stake - ham radio, some even in commercial radio. Maybe some work in government or politics, consultation and whatnot. Even a magazine editor got busted back in '91, running a 13-hour mobile marathon. FCC, serious fuckin business back in the day.

So, you don't use real names or addresses.

You don't reveal the names and locations of fellow pirates. Ever. Because you'll never be trusted again.

And since you don't know for sure who's a pirate and who isn't, why take a chance on exposing anyone's real name and location in the pirate scene? Look at the situation with Kracker in the summer 2008 "pirate war." He thought Fansome was "only" a listener. And Kracker's jealous, see, has this bunny crush on Commander Bunny and wanted to be CB's bitch. Kracker don't like it, Fansome getting a special QSL package from the bunnyman, and Fansome cracking wise about the bunny. So he outs Fansome by real name and address, claims he got the info because Fansome "ordered a t-shirt." Who's sellin' t-shirts? Not Kracker. The bunnyman is. And now Kracker hasta wear a snitch jacket forevermore.

And now ya gotta wonder how secure your identity is when you order WBNY swag offa ebay, or send for a real QSL card. Who knows who's gettin' yer info now, am I right? Whole trust thing, it's blown, cuz a' this loudmouth leprechaun. And now the hareball hisself, he can't be trusted neither.

Don't break the seal
See, the whole anonymity/pseudonymity thing is like drinking beer and trying not to piss. Cuz once you break the seal, a whole lotta piss is gonna come out. And keep comin' out.

So, say a guy wansta be a pirate. He comes up with a good radio name, station ID, preferably sumpin' easy to copy with weak signal or lotsa static. Off to the races. Hook up a transmitter and some wire, put out a signal and then... what? Who heard you? You dunno. Maybe you wait for signal reports, like in Monitoring Times inna old days. Maybe you don't wanna wait.

So you find a mail drop. Can you trust the guy? Who knows, ya hope so. Cuz past few years ya got some reason to wonder, what with Krackwhore McIdiot in '08 bragging about having the bunnyman's mailing list and whatnot. Starts reading out names an' addresses over the air, blowing crap 'bout he's gonna do this to so-and-so, gonna do that t'other guy. And now ya even got the bunnyman himself threatening to drop a dime on ops he don't like. And the bunnyman making all this noise about how real pirates send real QSL cards, right. Lotsa pressure. Like you start wonderin'... is he tryin'ta collect a database of names and addresses? Cuz ya hear things, y'know, I'm just sayin'.

So, back in the day, sure, anonymity, pseudonyms, handles, whatever, yeah, serves a purpose. Now, you think, maybe not so much. It's just part of the act, part of the show, put on a good show for the listeners, right? Don't even need a mail drop. Listener wants a QSL, send an eQSL. Make the resolution high enough it'll print postcard size just fine.

FCC? Minor problem, mostly warnings the past year, 2010 and this year, before then, not much a nothing. Not like FM, those guys get socked harder. But now... you hear things, y'know? Like maybe some insider is a snitch.

Why still with the charade, then? Why the big deal about aliases within the pirate "community," and I use the term loosely, my friend. Why the whole Secret Squirrel stuff?

Control, my friend, it's all about control. Mind control, black propaganda, dirty tricks. Stuff a media savvy guy or political hack would know. A guy like Pat Murphy. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm only here to praise Murphy, not bury him. Cuz we're all men of honor, amirite?

An' howza guy like that get that kinda savvy? WROV bio sez he was Jerry Michael Graves for awhile. Virginia news sez he flip flopped between names depending on whether he's working radio or political hack jobs. So, he's Michael Graves as assistant to the Montana governor in the 1980s, then back to Pat Murphy as a radio guy, then back to Graves when he's working for some Virginia area transportation authority. Then Murphy again.

So, this is an experienced guy, savvy, knows how the game is played. He's not gonna get caught in anything sketchy, right? He's gonna stay above the fray, use his experience to keep the pirate scene chill, right? He's gonna be neutral, right, support the whole pirate scene, not play favorites. Cuz we're all honorable men here.

See, the FCC... ain't a pirate's worst enemy. What's FCC gonna do? Basically, waggle a finger, "You're a naughty pirate, don't do it again, kthxbai!" Is he gonna expose your identity, home address... well, maybe, sure, depends on the situation. With a warning, maybe not even that. Is he gonna try to incite people to harass you, badmouth your business? Nah. Threaten to stalk your family, like Kracker did in 2008? Nah. Is he gonna use a buncha sockpuppets to fag up the interbutt, squeeze out a buncha Astroglide and fist himself, tell himself how great he is? Nah. Is the FCC guy gonna whine "Yer ruining pirate radio! Nasty monkeys! Cowardly keyboard commandos!" Nah. Is FCC guy gonna call you a child molester like Commander Bunny does when he's having a big boo-hoo, pull a buncha dirty tricks to humiliate you, chase you away so he can go back to suckin his own sockpuppets? Nah. What kinda crazy person would do that? Makes no sense, am I right?

A pirate's worst enemies?


Other pirates.

Same as the cannibal hamsters who gnaw on each other on 14275 and 14313 USB. 'cept those guys don't hide behind some fake, bullshit pirate code of anonymity.

See, the irony of anonymity is that the biggest attention whores hide behind their smoke screens singing "Looky me! Looky me! I'm the greatest pirate of them all! But you gotta pretend you don't know who I am!" while ratting out anyone they don't like.

Like Yogi Berra said, all pirates are liars or crybabies. Or was it pitchers? I dunno.

Lookit Commander Bunny. Huge attention whore and drama queen. "Looky me! Lookyme!" alla time. Cripes. Whines about how Poet supposedly revealed his location. Huh? CB sez he's in Missoula, Montana, on his own publicly accessible Facebook page. Same place Bill O. Rights of Radio Free Speech claims to be. I guess the bunnyman is living in a hutch outside Billo's one-holer now.

Meanwhile, someone onna Blowing League posts a biography on their site, saying Pat Murphy actually is Commander Bunny and Bill O. Rights and a buncha other legendary pirate stations. Right there onna page, sez it's the only authorized biography for Pat Murphy, Commander Bunny, Bill O. Rights and whatnot. So, who wrote that? Kracker? Some other f00kin slohb? Why the hell would they wanna slander a respectable guy like Pat Murphy that way, a man of honor? Cuz we're all honorable men here, amirite? Is it the Bowling League that Commander Bunny and Pat keep saying are ruining pirate radio and exposing good pirates?

"...their site, saying Pat Murphy actually is Commander Bunny and Bill O. Rights ... who wrote that? Kracker? Why the hell would they wanna slander a respectable guy like Pat Murphy that way?"

And, hey, don't shoot the messenger, we're only the piano player, y'know, we didn't play that song and dance on the site, we just read it and wondered why someone would write that kinda stuff about a well respected guy like Murphy. An honorable man like him.

Point is, remember what I said about "don't break the seal"? Yer drinkin' beer, once you start pissin', once ya break the seal, ain't no stoppin' it. Same with this whole pirate radio anonymity/pseudonymity game. Ya break the seal, watch out for the pissin', cuz there ain't no stoppin' it. And, buddy, there's a bladder full of piss stored up right now.

I mean, this Commander Bunny, he's the same guy using all these sockpuppets to mess with people all these years: Beans, Mosby, Bouncer, Thumper... who knows how many more? Ya gotta wonder about "lovemyradios", Winston, "2531" and "MIB". Wazzat? like "Man In Bunnysuit"? MIB is the one who couldn't wait to link to Poet's bust on the FCC site... like MIB knew it was coming.

This is the same bunnyman who called "Spore" a child molester and then published the schlub's name, ham call sign, address and then publishes the names, call signs and addresses for the schlub's family? The guy's family, fer chrissake. Classy, bunny, classy.

This is the same harebrain who makes up his own rules about whether to respect the anonymity of other people in the pirate scene:
"...the protections, extended to pirates, does not (sic) include you. Even if you were to go on the air and be a pirate, it wouldn't count now, its (sic) called "EX POST FACTO" but you so (sic) smart, I'll bet you figure it all out. But just in case, the protections, are not retroactive! Sorry but you lose."
--Beans, December 28, 2009, the "Spore" incident. (Beans is/was a sockpuppet for Commander Bunny.)

The Canuck Trollmaster Flips the Bunny. Flips Him For Real.
This bunnyman, he's the same myxomatosis-infected guy tried to use his lame "" alias, pretending to be from Lethbridge, Canada, trying to con Doc John of Northern Relay Service. This "Bob Smith" mook's IP traces to Virginia! And Doc John flips the con around on the bunnyman! Masterful trolling, so hilarious it'll get its own blog entry. So ComBun has a hissy fit cuz he got trolled and conned by a master, and starts pissin' all over the FRN about how IRC is "evil", and hasta use half-a-fuckin-dozen aliases to support his lame whining. It is precious!

"IRC the destruction of Pirate Radio - The FRN Grapevines"

And then this past February "Bob Smith" tries to get Doc John busted by reporting him to the authorities in Canada! Yeah, no shit. "Bob Smith" files a complaint with an amateur radio club in Canada, with the CBC, with Industry Canada, all because the mook can't stand a little competition from another relay service. Talk about yer fuckin hareball!

And now we hear Poet of The Crystal Ship gets The Knock. And the agent seems to know way too much about Poet in advance. And "MIB" on the FRN seems to know way too much in advance - like he's knows it's comin', and he just can't wait to crow about it. MIB... Man In Bunnysuit? Murphy In Bunnysuit? Nah... nah... couldn't be, cuz he's an honorable man.

Poet, The Crystal Ship, one of the true veterans of the U.S. pirate scene dating back to the early 1980s... snitched out? How does this happen? Among these honorable men?

"There were only two people who had my real name," Poet tells me. "I've been very careful," he sez...

"...except for that damned t-shirt."

From Commander Bunny's WBNY blog declaration of 19 May 2011:
"What I will do is make sure everyone on my mailing list knows who is really behind the lies, rumors and cowardly attacks. Everyone is going to know their real names, their real locations and have a complete portfolio on the nasty monkeys behind the destruction of Pirate Radio."
--Commander Bunny demonstrates ninja choke hold on irony

The bunnyman's intentions seem pretty damn clear. And that's pretty damn close to the date on which Poet got The Knock from the FCC, and the dates in May specified in the FCC's warning letter.

"If I knew where you were located, and wanted to "scare you" I'd used (sic) your real address..."
--Commander Bunny, WBNY blog, July 26, 2011, before later revision in which he did publish Poet's real name and full address. (Full resolution download available here.)

" is the name and location of the "visit" by the FCC."
Gxxxxxx X Bxxxx
3xxx Cxxxxxx AVE
--Commander Bunny, WBNY blog, July 26, 2011, one of several revisions that day, this one in which he did publish Poet's real name and full address. The FCC notice specified only the name and city. Commander Bunny added the specific street address. That information has been obscured here in the text version only to make a Google search a little more difficult. The screencap contains the original copy of the WBNY blog and is also available in HTML.

"This guy [Doc John of Northern Relay Service] doesn't belong in the pirate community. We've always taken care of problems within our own group. This guy is a problem. A big problem... We've dealt with trouble makers in the past and if they are ignored, they go away. If you have a solution, you think will work, do it, for the sake of pirate radio..."
--Commander Bunny, March 2011 (Note: Pat Murphy, under his "" alias, had already filed a complaint against Northern Relay Service to a Canadian amateur radio organization in February 2011.)

Sorry, CB, pirate radio is not your personal army. Go raid your sock drawer and see if ya can get Beans or Mosby or Bob Smith to call the FCC next time you feel the need to hack up a hareball.

So, Commander Bunny is wondering why people suspect he might have snitched out Poet to the FCC? And all the other people, ops and listeners, he's screwed over while hiding inside his Secret Hutch of Anonymity?

Meanwhile, CB wants everyone else to pretend we don't know who he is, and respect his anonymity.

Now that's ironic.

See Poet's blog for his description of the curious events involving his visit from the FCC: The Crystal Ship Has Run Aground."Curiouser and curiouser!" cried Alice, from her vantage point down the rabbit hole.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

More Confabulations Surrounding Family Radio

"A book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle looks out."
--Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

To qualify as a Tale of Radio Paranoia, it's not enough to be relevant to radio. Plenty of discussion forums, websites and blogs for that already. No, for us, there needs to be some sort of paranoia involved. It's gotta have juicy rumours. It's gotta be bloody.

That's one reason we didn't bother to follow too closely the misadventures of WYFR's Harold Camping and his failed May 21, 2011, rapture prediction*. Family Radio wasn't the first controversial Christian radio ministry. Camping wasn't the first high profile preacher to inaccurately predict the Rapture. His somnolent speaking style was more likely to induce sleep than inspire zealots. BroCamp often accommodated callers who disputed his assertions, usually doing no worse than to eventually interrupt them with a monotone "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me..."

He'd hardly qualify as a cult leader. Other than urging Christians to abandon contemporary conventional churches, he didn't engage in any particularly alarming cult leader-ish behaviours. Those who chose to believe his peculiar brand of prophecy weren't systematically isolated from families and support systems, subjected to brainwashing or coercion. In short, they were responsible for their own behaviours, choices and consequences.

Other than Camping's extensive use of radio, especially shortwave radio, almost to the exclusion of any other type of ministry (whilst providing amusing audio tidbits that some pirates have remixed), there was - to paraphrase Gertrude Stein - not much there there.

Not bloody enough.

So imagine our delight to find in July a renewed level of paranoia - near and dear to our dark little hearts - relevant to Family Radio.

On our blog roll and RSS feeds we noted a headline claiming: Harold Camping Linked to Huge 'Massacre' of 100's of Hmong Christians

Now that's the kinda hyperbole we like to see. Good and bloody.

How did the 90 year old, mild mannered and only mildly eccentric preacher come to be described in terms usually reserved for genocidal despots like Pol Pot and Joseph Stalin? Long story short - crap journalism.

As Berol Mirado, my fellow scribbler from uni, would say: F**k facts. He actually said it like that. "Fasteriskasterisk facts." He was annoying.

In mid-July 2011, several websites began blaming Camping's unorthodox (some say heretical) prediction of a May 21, 2011, rapture for the deaths of several Hmong Christians in Vietnam.

The reports claimed Vietnamese troops (others claimed Laotian troops were also involved) assaulted a group of Hmong Christians gathered to await the May 21 rapture. Reports claimed troops beheaded pastors and "'brutally and repeatedly raped' at least two of the younger women before shooting them at point blank range with automatic weapons in the head and torso." Those particularly lurid claims appeared in several reports.

For any savvy media consumer (which means you, dear reader of ToRP) there were numerous warning flags.

For one thing, there were no such reports from any of the news agencies generally regarded as reasonably credible. Nothing from Reuters, AP, UPI, etc.**

Another tip-off, virtually every website repeating this story was either related to a human rights group supporting the Hmong cause, or a religious oriented site with a record of criticism of Camping's teachings. Vested interest - a sure sign of objectivity.

A quick spin around Google, and comparisons of the numerous versions of this report indicate most were simply regurgitating reports that were derived from earlier reports. It appears no independent fact checking was done. In some cases those lurid details about the beheading of pastors and sexual assaults of women were repeated verbatim or paraphrased, but without citing any independent sources.

It's unclear why this report appeared now, in July 2011, two months after the failed May 21 rapture prediction. Other, perhaps, than to commemorate Camping's 90th birthday on July 19.

The source for the reports of troops assaulting Hmong Christians appeared to be derived from April 2011 claims of such assaults. This predated the May 21 rapture date, and those earlier reports did not cite Camping or Family Radio/WYFR. Those April 2011 reports of troops attacking Hmong Christians also lacked references to credible news agencies and, as with the July 2011 stories, appear to be circuitously intra-referential, citing each other's stories without any independent fact checking.

At this point it appears that certain Christian oriented websites, some with a record of activism on behalf of Hmong believers, decided to revive the dormant story, embellish it and blame it on Camping's ministry.

And if you check the dozens of related stories on both the original April 2011 version of this report and the revised July 2011 version, which blames Camping's rapture prediction for these alleged attacks, you'll note that several cite the Center for Public Policy Analysis (CPPA) as a source. The CPPA is a human rights activist organization which supports, among others, the Hmong mountain peoples (occasionally referred to as "Montagnard" but not the same as the Degar peoples usually associated with the term "Montagnard" that's relevant to the French involvement in Vietnam).

A few relevant links, more or less in order, from the April 2011 glut of stories that didn't reference Camping, to the July 2011 revival of the same stories with embellished details and finger-pointing at Camping:

Laos, Vietnam troops kill Hmong Christians
* From correspondents in Washington
* From: AFP
* April 16, 2011 6:24AM
The Daily Telegraph, Australia

(Note: The Daily Telegraph, Australia, is owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation. Take from that what you will. This story, apparently the first of its kind in 2011, cited only the CPPA as a source. --GF)

* * *
Laos, Vietnam troops kill four Hmong Christians: NGO
* Published: 16/04/2011 at 02:31 AM
Bangkok Post
* * *
Vietnam Forces Kill 72 Hmong, Hundreds Arrested and Flee
Online PR News – 17-May-2011 –Hanoi, Vietnam, Bangkok, Thailand, and Washington, D.C., May 17, 2011

(Note: This story also cites only the CPPA report by Philip Smith, as do the reports linked from that page. --GF)

* * *
Vietnam Hmong crowd 'await Jesus' return'
* From correspondents in Hanoi
* From: AFP
* May 21, 2011 7:03AM

(Note: This follow-up to the April 16 story in The Daily Telegraph, Australia, does not mention any atrocities and there does not appear to be any further developments. --GF)
"Starting in late April about 10,000 northern Hmong gathered in Dien Bien's Muong Nhe district, but some came from as far away as the Central Highlands, the resident added.

"They were lured by US radio broadcasts which said Jesus would return on May 21.

"The army and police later told the crowd to disperse, which most did, but more than 100 alleged "leaders" were arrested and about 500 or 600 men fled to the forest, he said.

"Hmong believe some of the troops came from the capital Hanoi, but residents did not fight them and there are no confirmed reports of casualties, he added."
* * *
'Rapture' real aftermath: Beheadings, shootings, mass graves
'Families don't know if missing loved ones are dead, arrested or hiding in jungle'
Posted: July 13, 2011
8:43 pm Eastern
By Bob Unruh
© 2011 WND
World Net Daily
* * *
The Christian Post > Fri, Jul. 15 2011 11:52 AM EDT
Harold Camping Linked to Huge 'Massacre' of 100's of Hmong Christians
By Nicola Menzie | Christian Post Contributor
Christian Post
* * *
NEWS ALERT: Vietnam “Massacre” Of Hmong Christians; Pastors “Beheaded”
Tuesday, July 19, 2011 (10:31 pm)
By Stefan J. Bos, Chief International Correspondent BosNewsLife
* * *

An interesting story must lurk, buried in this confabulation. Not only is there precious little reporting from a credible news agency like Reuters or AP to support the April 2011 reports, but it's unclear why this earlier story has been revived in July to retroactively fault Camping and Family Radio.

I don't wish to appear callous toward the plight of the Hmong people, who have suffered well documented human rights abuses for decades. Nor do I wish to mock the handful of disappointed followers of Camping's ministry who resorted to desperate measures when the Rapture did not occur.

But I don't see how regurgitating the same old complaints about Camping's ministry serves the interest of the Hmong people. And this July 2011 glut of "me too" reporting smacks of organized propaganda and exploitation of the miseries of the Hmong. If the Christian oriented websites hoped to capitalize on Camping's disgrace, they only made themselves look like petty, foolish rumour-mongers. In other words, pretty much like Tales of Radio Paranoia.

*Don't relax yet, you naughty persons. Family Radio sez May 21, 2011 did happen. Just not the way you thought it would happen.

**As of July 26, 2011. If any reader finds reports from credible news services corroborating these lurid accounts please let us know and we'll update the blog.

And on a somewhat related note: From DIYmedia, Unholy Alliance - "Clear Channel is the nation's largest commercial radio broadcaster. Educational Media Foundation is one of the nation's largest religious radio broadcasters. Both companies have an affinity for FM translators - and now, they're working together for mutual enrichment at the expense of others on the dial."

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Fan Mail and the Pirate's Paradox

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
-- Oscar Wilde

We're honoured to find that Commander Bunny enjoyed our most recent Tale of Radio Paranoia, and even offered editorial assistance. We're also grateful to Father Poet of The Crystal Ship for contributing some well considered counterpoints to Commander Bunny's critique of our tale.

A tip o' the dunce cap to Kracker, who suggested the correct spelling of his name. And whilst we're appreciative of the opportunity to correct our error, we're puzzled by his choice to post this publicly on the FRN. We've blurred out the name and location. Meanwhile, the FRN post has vanished.

We appreciate Kracker's usual enthusiasm and readiness to get into character by donning the traditional leprechaun costume to perform some sort of ritual gardening.

Commander Bunny also contributed a few editorial suggestions (the unexpurgated version of CB's e-mail may be viewed on Poet's TCS blog). Whilst perusing CB's words of wisdom I was reminded of a variation of Epimenides Paradox:
  1. All pirates are liars.
  2. I am a pirate.

* * *
"We've been falsely accused of sharing a mailing list with Kracker.

-- Commander Bunny, 18 July 2011
* * *
Ah, we see there is some perfectly understandable confusion here. We meant that in the same sense that there have been numerous Commanders Bunny. It was another, presumably fictitious, Commander Bunny who provided that information. As we noted in a March 2011 Tale of Radio Paranoia, there have been - much like the Dread Pirate Roberts - many Commanders Bunny throughout his-story. See "Commander Bunny's true identity revealed!"

Unlike the former Commander Bunny, who was well respected for sagacity, generosity and sense of humour, the current Commander Bunny is prone to occasional indiscretions in the sense that a trollop is prone to occasionally dropping her bloomers whilst singing "A farthing a blow! Three for a ha'penny!"

When was the former Commander Bunny displaced by a humourless usurper? Remember the Commander Bunny who had a sense of humour about himself? Good times, good times.
* * *
"Shame I have to even send this email, but the website "Radio Paranoia" has been spreading lies and false information about me and its time to set the record straight." --CB

* * *
We're guessing the Commander hasn't read the masthead for our trifling scandal sheet and metafictional scribblings.

Perhaps, as well, he overlooked those "X" shaped and arrow shaped icons near the top of the browser page. Clicking on either one will relieve the angst provoked by this disreputable eyesore of a blog.

Don't like it? Don't read it. Works just like the tuning dial and volume control on your receiver. I know CB has heard that advice before, because he's given the same advice before.
* * *
"Since the website has only 6 or 8 people who infest it, I felt it better to send an email to you directly. And I've found that if I don't counter the lies, they are taken as fact and spread among the "do-nothings" in the hobby, who want everyone to think they "know something" when they actually don't." --CB

* * *
Oh, our infestation is far worse than only 6 or 8 people, even discounting my own sockpuppets. We can scarcely brew a pot of Earl Grey, hawt, without a few more do-nothings showing up at this mad tea party, eating up all of Evil Elvis's mushroom canapés and then nattering about metaphysics with the Cheshire Cat.

* * *
"For whatever reason this guy "Guise Faux" who was also "Guy Fawkes" of KBOX..."

* * *
Guy Fawkes! That provocateur? I don't recall making any public statements confirming that he and Guise Faux are one and the same. Next you'll be telling me there's no Easter Bunny.

Guy Fawkes is as real, distinct and separate from Guise Faux as Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer, lovemyradios, Winston, et al, are from Commander Bunny. Those are almost certainly real people, for why would a pirate of Commander Bunny's stature and fearsome reputation need to pillage a sock drawer to muster support?
* * *
"...(who I kindly relayed)..."

* * *
Whoa, old feller, don't dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back. But thanky "kindly" for that relay.

Semi-seriously for a moment (cue the violins), I'll paraphrase from an e-mail I send to Andrew Yoder earlier this year after WEAK got the knock...

...99.99% of KBOX and related programmes were relayed by WEAK, a genuine hero and friend of pirate radio.

He was consistently a friend and mentor. Very few listeners and pirates realize how prolific he was. Broadcasting almost every week for two years, and often several times a week, WEAK relayed many shows, both older classic shows and new programmes. Yet he rarely claimed credit. He never took any credit for relaying KBOX or other programmes I produced, or those produced by others who were cutting their teeth in pirate radio.

He is good natured, humble and discrete, the antithesis of the high profile "international relay service" approach of WBNY. He never sought public accolades, never made a sport of insulting listeners or other pirates and - unlike Commander Bunny - never, ever stooped to slandering other ops or listeners in a desperate bid for self aggrandizement. He simply quietly set out to make shortwave radio fun for listeners. And he succeeded.

Whilst WBNY has occasionally listed KBOX amongst the stations he has relayed, in fact WBNY relayed only our very first programme and we have had no other association with WBNY since 2009. Even with that particular 2009 WBNY relay, we received far more signal reports from WEAK's relays of our first KBOX programme. He was so diligent in pursuit of the craft of broadcasting that by autumn 2009 WEAK's audio quality was amongst the best in sideband mode, on par with WTCR and Wolverine. I learned a lot from him about how to prepare the audio in our pre-recorded programmes for optimal results in noisy conditions at the trough of the solar cycle.

WEAK's relays of our programmes included:
  • KBOX #1, in the autumn of 2009 (which WBNY also relayed, thanky kindly, your hareness).
  • KBOX #2, our Halloween 2009 show (we snoozed through 2010).
  • Gumby Radio, Jan-Feb 2010, our wee salute to Art Clokey.
  • Family Friendly Radio, spring 2010.
  • KBOX #3, aka Radio Paranoia, autumn 2010, the predecessor to this penny dreadful we call Tales of Radio Paranoia.

WEAK took all of the risk and asked for nothing in return. He's so discrete that even after two years of regular correspondence I still didn't know his name or location until after he got the knock. If I send out only one QSL card in my lifetime, it will be to him. (Sorry, but so far I've issued only those eQSLs that offend His Hareness. But I was happy to prepare unique eQSLs for some listeners and most were of sufficient resolution to make good postcard sized prints at home or in a minilab.)

And WEAK was a genuine fan of free radio, logging any and all pirate shows equally, without regard to cliques, without resorting to sockpuppets to log himself (I'm looking at you, bunnyman), and with as much enthusiasm as any DXer. There aren't many people in the pirate radio scene I'd regard as genuine heroes. He's at the top of my list. He'll be greatly missed as an active free radio operator. (Fansome would be high on my list of pirate ops if not for that obsession with the chipmunk voiced Belinda Carlisle. Yes, yes, I understand it was necessary for national security, but still...)

And, for what it's worth, WEAK did not relay the cut-up/remix I did of CB's audio from the 2006 "pirate feud" show, mixed in with other randomized audio bits. If you still have a banana up your bum over that remix and any broadcasts thereof, your beef is with me and me alone. (See: "7 Minutes to Hell - Part 1", for which I still need to write the followup article, describing CB's hysterical slandering of the wrong person, along with publishing names, ham radio call signs and addresses for the poor schlub's family - one of CB's prouder moments, no doubt.)

If I never do another thing in pirate radio (including figuring out which bits of the transmitter plug in where), I will always be grateful to WEAK for his selfless friendship and encouragement.

And if I never do another thing but blog about pirate radio, I will always be grateful to Commander Bunny for being the larger than life melodramatic caricature of Snidely Whiplash in fursuit we all know and love to toss popcorn at. I doubt any writer, under the influence of any sort of mind altering chemicals, could concoct a more complex and colourful character. Well, other than Eric Cartman.

And dat's da facts, Jack.
* * *
"You didn’t get reception reports because your show S-U-C-K-E-D!!!!" --CB

* * *
Aww, thanks, nice of you to notice.
* * *
"...has decided his role in pirate radio is start false rumors, and spread lies about pirate operators."
* * *
Don't fret, sparky, I promise not to steal your "All who defy my will are child molesters" shtick. You jumped the shark with that particular bit of hysterical fiction.
* * *

* * *
"This low-IQ, slack-jawed, lip-drooling, asshat, Guise Faux is a liar and is destroying pirate radio LOLing at my frightening arsenal of propaganda and talking points from the 'Big Bunny's Book Of Scary Things To Say On The Interbutts'."

* * *
Aww, you sweet talker, you. In all the hundreds of times you've regurgitated that particular line to almost everyone else in pirate radio, I never thought you really, really cared until now.
* * *
"If he put half as much time and attention in producing shows, instead of spreading lies about pirate operators, he could be a respected member of the pirate community."

* * *
Ooohhh... you sly wabbit. You almost had me until that bit about "respected member of the pirate community." You're funny.
* * *
"It is because of this jackass, that I no longer will relay anyone. Apparently relaying his station wasn't enough for this asshole, he had to start an all out smear campaign trollercoaster full of lies lulz and gossip against me."
-- Commander Bunny
* * *
Eh, your transmitter, your risk, your call. Personally, I think you should consider making an exception for Voice of Next Thursday. Gabriel Syme's programming is damned clever stuff. Actually prompted me to listen to the classic Orson Welles Mercury Theatre On The Air episode and the audiobook version of Chesterton's novel. Good way to pass some time, what with the sunspots taking a holiday.

Incidentally, on Poet's blog a reader commented:
"There is no honor among thieves."
So true. And perhaps the pithiest possible summation of the near-continuous state of turmoil in the North American shortwave pirate scene. Commander Bunny is merely following in the tradition of despots and seagoing pirates who cultivated fearsome reputations and enforced their power by occasionally sacrificing a follower who'd lost favour with the leader.

The sage who first said "Lead, follow or get out of the way" omitted a fourth option: Be the jester and troll the fuck out of 'em.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Ha-Ha Only Kracker, Ha-Ha Only Snitching

Editor's note: For the rest of the summer we'll be poking the stanky embers of the Summer 2008 "Pirate War" for sparks of lulz. Because propagation stinks. And we're bored. And we're trolls. But let's pretend we're professionals and this is just a retrospective documentary of one of the genuine milestones of the North American pirate radio scene, worthy of Never Forget!

This Tale of Radio Paranoia is the culmination of three years of research, interviews and pestering sources for permission to release information, all with the goal of providing the most credible documentary of the shortwave pirate/free radio scene to be found anywhere, with an eye toward the finest of journalistic traditions.

Those lofty goals fell by the wayside in the same ditch with drunken correspondent Brown Nose the Pirate, who files this report fetid pile of slanderous crap, which we had to rewrite because his notes were unintelligible.

Noone says Kracker is a snitch.

Noone says Kracker is a backstabbing, opportunistic sociopath. Noone says Kracker has managed to infect the U.S. pirate radio scene, long after he'd worn out his welcome, by mooching off Commander Bunny's coattails and regularly tossing CB's salad. Noone says Kracker is brain damaged from years of huffing jenkem fermented from rabbit feces.

Noone says DNA test results from swabs of Kracker's pie-hole (obtained second hand from his saliva left on Bozo's mother's penis) conclusively prove that Kracker is in fact a homunculous spawned when Radio Bob practiced auto-erotic asphyxiation and spilled his manly seed into a pile of rabbit droppings in 1999. Noone says Evil Elvis harvested the alchemical goo and used it as fertilizer for the world's most potent Psilocybe cubensis which, when ingested by Sarah Palin, caused her to crap out a fully grown Kracker, along with a hallucinogenic gas that would later cloud the minds of Republicans into believing she actually made sense.

Noone says these things.
From Images

Recently I was catching up with black propaganda specialist Pol Mak Erigot - code name "Noone", a play on words based on the name of his Mao-era handler, Noh Wan. He passed along some of what he ha-ha-only-seriously referred to as evidence of treachery and dead-agenting by Kracker, infamouse perpetraitor of Radio Jamba Jerkoff International and other brilliant programming unfunny radio puke. In the process he clarified why Kracker got away with outing another pirate op in 2008.

It's a cautionary tale for anyone unfamiliar with the convoluted mindset of the Fabulous Rabbit Nuthugger cult's paralogism, which mandates that for a pirate to be eligible as a pirate he must declare himself to the cult leader.

"...expose the person who intended harm on a good pirate operator... YOU NEVER SAID YOU WERE A PIRATE... so the protections, extended to pirates, does not (sic) include you. Even if you were to go on the air and be a pirate, it wouldn't count now, its (sic) called "EX POST FACTO" but you so (sic) smart, I'll bet you figure it all out. But just in case, the protections, are not retroactive! Sorry but you lose."
--Beans, December 28, 2009, the "Spore" incident, a reaction to a prank audio edit by Guise Faux of Radio Paranoia. (Beans is/was a sockpuppet for Commander Bunny.)

I first met Pol Mak Erigot during the 1970s at an international university haunted by spooks, Discordians, gun runners, hermaphrodites and atonal composers who were developing psyops techniques later used on Branch Davidians and Juggalos. I was fresh out of the Marines and using the G.I. Bill to dabble in communications, religion and urban planning, a cover story for my real job smuggling East German and USSR documents stashed in the needlessly complex exhaust systems of West German cars (typical Germans - even their automobiles reflect their obsession with stuffing things up their asses).

For awhile we even worked together in smuggling human organs, mostly for a shadowy Asian ring that converted human kidneys and fiber optic cable into organic/artificial hybrid kidneys that enabled transplant recipients to piss out the trade secret recipes for any popular Western beverage. Human mules - mostly Thai ladyboys with a huge capacity for swallowing - are implanted with the hybrid kidneys. They drink whatever beverage an Asian dictator craves, then piss into a mass spectrometer to reveal the recipes. Pol Pot was a big fan of Dr. Habanero Pepper, a limited edition beverage canceled in 1977, while Kim Jong-Il craved Pabst Blue Ribbon after repeated viewings of Blue Velvet. The Frank Booth character played by Dennis Hopper turned out to be a significant influence on his leadership style. The North Korean dictator was known to guzzle the cloned PBR while listening to Roy Orbison, strip down to his skivvies and scream "I fuck anything that moves!" As far as anyone knows, after binging on Dr. Habanero Pepper, Pol Pot just screamed unintelligibly when he pissed.

Pol Mak was a curious mixture of a Cambodian mother and Polish father and claimed he was a refugee from the Khmer Rouge genocide of minorities and half-breeds like himself. Rumor said otherwise. Rumor said he'd been groomed as an agent by his uncle Nuon Chea, notorious "Brother Number 2" to Pol Pot, to play off China and Russia spook handlers, through Pol Mak's Polish family connections. Behind the Iron Curtain his handler was Michal Grób. Pol Mak was flipped by the Poles, who were impressed with his multilingual mastery. To Western ears the Khmer language sounds like "crap-crap-crap, shit-shit-shit, shitty-shitty-crap-crap." Which, incidentally, is a famous Khmer poem written by Pol Pot, extolling the beauty of his human skull collection.

Noone's tasks included monitoring radio transmissions. In July 2008 he was in Phnom Penh keeping tabs on the trial of Nuon Chea. While scanning 6800-7000 kHz for encrypted milcoms he recorded several transmissions from Radio Jamba International, thanks or blame due to unusual long path propagation. "I heard the station operator, who called himself Kracker, repeatedly threaten someone named Al Fansome. You know that name?"

"Fansome!" I blurted. "Of course I know him. Well, I know of him. I'm not sure anyone really knows him. Fansome is his code name."

Al Fansome was his cover for lurking on the pirate radio scene, which is infested with Discordian elements (from which the title of this blog entry borrows steals -- GF) - programmers, hackers, Greenspun's Tenth Rulers, trolls and religious zealots masquerading as atheists who are embracing cults ironically while actually believing the cult tenets - one of which is to never believe the cult tenets. These are people who fearlessly divide by zero. Fansome operated at least two pirate radio stations, up until early 2010 or so. There may have been others but he's cagey even with allies.
"Pirate radio is infested with Discordian elements - programmers, hackers, Greenspun's Tenth Rulers, trolls and religious zealots masquerading as atheists who are embracing cults ironically while actually believing the cult tenets - one of which is to never believe the cult tenets.

"Yes, well, he was one of our contacts," continued Pol Mak. "Throughout 2008-2009, he transmitted our encoded messages, hidden in transmissions disguised as shortwave pirate radio entertainment broadcasts."

"I remember those," I said. "I noticed some odd pitch shifting in the Belinda Carlisle vocals. I mean, even more than Carlisle's usual chipmunk helium voice."

"Those pitch shifts correspond with number codes," Pol Mak explained. "Very old tech. The vocoder effect you hear so much in pop music, along with the more recent Auto-Tune, started out as milcom technology in the 1930s. Nobody uses it for that anymore. It's too easy to crack. But Fansome figured out a way to use it in pop songs where it would go unnoticed because it was buried in existing pitch-corrected vocals. Go-Go's songs were perfect since Carlisle's vocals could easily mask the codes. Not only were certain elements of the songs a code, but the spaces between the elements were codes."

"Sounds very Kabbalistic." I said. "Even if anyone suspected Carlisle's voice contained encrypted information, nobody could stand to listen to it long enough to decode it. Their ears would bleed after only a few seconds."

"Exactly, intended recipients had audio filters implanted to shield them from the harmful warbling. The filters were later adapted as the Deboxxifier filter for the Perseus SDR, making it the only receiver capable of safely tuning in to KBOX," said Pol Mak. "And it's even worse on shortwave in sideband, where it's impossible to tune the VFO to make those Carlisle vocals sound bearable.

"Unfortunately," he continued, "Fansome had to temporarily suspend the operation during the summer 2008 pirate war."

"Why?" I said, leaving a gaping portal for the tedious exposition to lumber through like Robert Redford's script for Lions for Lambs.

"Kracker," said Pol Mak. "He exposed Fansome's true identity on air. Threatened to dress up as a delivery boy (do they make delivery boy uniforms in leprechaun size?), show up at Fansome's workplace, where presumably the Krackwhore would gnaw on his ankle. Did I mention Fansome is a big guy? Apparently Kracker didn't know Fansome was a pirate op, or just didn't care. Real name. Addresses. But his intel was sloppy and he got at least one address wrong. Kracker said he got Fansome's personal info from the mailing list because he ordered a Commander Bunny t-shirt."

"You're fucking kidding me?" I sputtered, leaving room for more of Pol Mak's exposition narrative that would make Harrison Ford's listless voiceover narrative in the original release of Blade Runner seem poetic in comparison.

"I'm surprised that you're surprised," said Pol Mak. "Remember N9OGL? Omega One Radio? This goes back a few years. Pirates on the FRN told Daugherty he'd never be trusted because anyone who was careless about making his own real name and location public couldn't be trusted to maintain the privacy of other ops. And sure enough, Kracker's dogged and very public online feud with some ne'er-do-well named Skip Ohlsen ended up with Kracker's pirate radio alias and real name being included on publicly accessible court documents. He gnawed on Skip's bone until he made himself "famouse", to use his own term, because he was too stupid or arrogant to come up with a different online alias. And since he had no regard for his own privacy, why should anyone expect him to respect the confidentiality of other pirates? Same situation with Terry the Newfie. Kracker persisted in posting the Newfie's real name and geographic location online, even after Terry asked him to remove the photos and geographic location. No go. So the Newfie was forced to curtail plans to go on air with his own station. Kracker is genetically predisposed to being a snitch."

"How the fuck did a moron like Kracker get access to that kind of information?"

"We're not sure," said Pol Mak. "There are only a few possibilities. Sources say Kracker mooched the real names and addresses off the ebay vendor for WBNY schwag.

"The probable leak is Commander Bunny himself, who has been using a Virginia based ebay vendor to disseminate his own psyops materials: t-shirts with emblems containing tracking info that can be monitored via satellite; coffee mugs laden with zombification substances that gradually leach out into hot drinks; refrigerator magnets that emit mind control signals that cloud the judgment of anyone within 20 feet. It's fiendishly clever, with an effect similar to the alien spacecraft in the Stephen King novel The Tommyknockers. When anyone is within 20 feet of the magnets they believe anything CB tells them: There is only one pirate and His name is Commander Bunny; All of his enemies are pedophiles; Kracker is perfectly trustworthy; A lagomorph infected with myxomatosis who eats his own droppings will make a good president. Well, the latter is actually true - he would make a better president than the other shit-eaters in D.C.," Pol Mak continued.

"Whenever the recipients of CB's propaganda materials leave home, they begin to question the sanity of their beliefs," said Pol Mak. "But as soon as they return home, the location-specific mind control effects resume. Brilliant for ensuring the loyalty of his zombie subjects, especially moronic homunculi."

"What about JTA?" I countered. "He handles the mail drop."

"We don't believe JTA provided mail lists to Kracker," Pol Mak said. "He's on record as being pretty fed up with Kracker's insane rantings. JTA and L Cee are about the only mods on the FRN with any integrity. JTA was pretty pissed in December 2009 when CB - using his "Beans" and "Mosby" sockpuppets - and Cosmikdebris seemed to think it was perfectly okay to expose another pirate simply because CB didn't like the content of their broadcasts."

I was still stunned. Why would Kracker violate the one rule held sacred by pirate ops: Never expose the identity, location or other sensitive info of another pirate? Isn't this the same guy who posted photos of himself on his own blog, and then whined when Evil Elvis did the same?

"Why would Kracker violate the one rule held sacred by pirate ops: Never expose the identity, location or other sensitive info of another pirate?"

"Kracker was obsessed with Fansome," Pol Mak Erigot replied. "He sounded like a jilted stalker...

"Kracker was obsessed with Fansome, and couldn't cope with the rejection. So he appointed himself Commander Bunny's enforcement thug," Pol Mak replied. "In a way his devolution mirrored Saul becoming Paul on the road to Damascus. Different messiah, different group of pagans to be persecuted. Same song and dance.

"After that Kracker sounded like a jilted stalker, mixed in with a daddy complex and prison bitch syndrome. Not unusual for a leprechaun sized homunculus made from shit and sperm. Most of those abominations are uncontrollable and suffer from serious mental delusions. Their inability to tell the difference between a practical joke and real life closely mimics the psychopathy of humans with Asperger's Syndrome, which explains Kracker's obsession with Jay S., whom Kracker subconsciously recognizes as a brother. In fact, Discordian pranksters from an O.T.O. spinoff created the Church of the SubGenius specifically to exploit the stupidity of this particular type of homunculus. On the plus side, this type of homunculus makes colorful sparks and psychedelic smoke patterns when tossed into a fire. You should try it when you're tripping."

Pol Mak continued: "Agency profilers said Kracker's obsession with Fansome indicated the Krackwhore had a strong latent sexual identity confusion, which led to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Note his preoccupation with homophobia - I mean, how many shows do you need just to call Mike Gaukin gay? What about Kracker's unfunny, missed-the-point memegenerator pokes at Artie Bigley? That sort of obsession smacks of a guy who spends way too much time browsing gay porn sites while wearing latex chaps, with one hand in his lap choking the chicken while ranting about how gay porn is destroying America. The latent instability was exacerbated by Kracker's unnatural origin as a homunculus made from the shit of his hero, Commander Bunny, and jism of CB's arch enemy Radio Bob. While he physically appears to be in his 40s, in fact he's only 12 years old mentally and emotionally because the homunculus was created in 1999. So, like most homunculi, he's capable only of self gratification and rage, although he can fake a few human-like characteristics long enough to fool unwary stoners."

"So what happened?" I asked. Although I already knew the answer, I was running short of segues for this blog entry and resorted to awkward exposition. "In the past exposing the identity of another pirate op always resulted in the offender being shunned for life and subject to continued ridicule. Look what happened to Radio Bob after he outed Bill O. Rights and Commander Bunny 10 years ago. How did Kracker escape being shunned?"

"Too risky," said Pol Mak. "We still needed Fansome to continue the encrypted transmissions. If we'd made a fuss about Kracker exposing another pirate op, Fansome's cover would have been blown. Keep in mind that Fansome's carefully cultivated shtick is feigning the guise of a clueless listener to divert any suspicion that he was also an op. He had to maintain plausible deniability about his involvement in covert communications. And it worked well until Kracker became infatuated with Al and couldn't stop talking about him online and on air."

Transcript of Kracker's heart-rending love song to Al Fansome, while doing his best impression of a typical day on 14275 or 14313 kHz when VE7KFM and the gang are warming up the airwaves. Since my last efforts at remixing another pirate's audio resulted in Commander Bunny accusing some poor schlub whom I don't even know of being a child molester, for now I'm confining my remixing to editorial rewrites. --GF

Note: If embedded audio player malfunctions, you can access these audio clips via the embedded player on the Internet Archives site, or by downloading here and playing on your own media player.

Kracker serenades Al Fansome, July 2008, 6955 kHz (please excuse the shitty audio quality, but it suits the material):

"Hey, Al Fansome... (static)... I'm talking to stalking you. That's right, Al Fansome, Al Fansome, Al Fansome... Al Fansome. I'm talking to stalking you, you traitorous fucking delicious piece of shit cake. Cross me again, motherfucker.

"Post on the internet. Post about me! Go ahead, post on, motherfucker. I'm gonna make your life miserable lulzable. I meet eat you at the fucking Winterfest... I've got your fucking address! You ordered a fucking t-shirt!

"I can drive to your fucking business, (Huh? 'Fucking business?' Fansome is a pimp? --GF) the computer store, it's 20 miles
away from Smolinski's fucking house (Chris too!?!), I come there and say... 'I want who's in charge?' (I guess that'd be the pimp?)

"Okay, you know what I'm saying? (Yes, we know what you're saying, you cute li'l leprechaun stalker.) I can act like the postal delivery guy (Okay, but can you do it in that cute li'l green latex leprechaun costume with the cut-out in the butt, like you did at Mardi Gras?). 'Special delivery for Al Fansome. Special delivery, okay? Who's Al Fansome? Oh, well, he's right back there in the office.' I come back there and beat you (off? You tease, you!) within an inch of your fucking life, with my bare hands, until I have fucking bloody spermy (unintelligible, sounds like "face")... I will do that, I will beat you (off) until (unintelligible oral masturbation from Krackwhore while Peter Gabriel "Shock Spanks the Monkey" in background)...

"Yes... (unintelligible) I am saying this live, so record it and be sure to go after me via the federal authorities, that would be like right up your fucking alley wouldn't it?

"You want my fucking address, motherfucker, Jesus fucking christ Jiminy Farting Christmas, you piece of shit cake..."

(Segment omitted in which Kracker refers to Fansome's real name and city.)

Just kinda makes you want to break out the credit card to buy a Commander Bunny t-shirt and give your personal information to a lunatic on the internet, doesn't it?

Oh, here's yet another love song from Kracker to a pirate radio fan, 7 July 2008, 6925 USB, around 0200 UTC:
Yeah, we sorta bleeped out the name and replaced it with a genuine pig squealing.

If you enjoy this sorta radio entertainment, especially if you enjoy it more than actual pirate radio, you'll love the cannibal hamsters who infest 14275 and 14313 USB (they sorta swap freqs over time): This is where Kracker should devote his considerable talents.

Don'cha luv radio tuff guys? They're almost as scary as internet wise Guise.

Oh, wait...

I shook my head in disbelief. "There must have been other listeners who heard this and said nothing."

"Again, go back to the standard set by Commander Bunny for his cult, which states 'Never expose or harass a good pirate'. Notice the qualifier?" said Noone. "The only 'good pirate' is CB and his minions. Therefore, all others can be exposed. L Ron Hubbard employed the same standard in his own offshoot of O.T.O., and called it "fair game" and "dead-agenting". You see this in every mind-control, moneymaking cult, whether it's Scientology, Amway, Church of the SubGenius, the Tea Party, the FCC or the Fabulous Rabbit Nuthuggers - which under the bunnyman's heavy paw is the de facto pirate radio enforcement thug branch of the FCC. Notice how Kracker is a minion of both Stang's SubGenius scam and of the FRN cult temple? Cults for morons who think they're too smart to be suckered by cults. Morons like that are ideal for cult scams. I wish I could clone more of him for my own cult, but while there's plenty of rabbit shit the supply of Radio Bob jism has dried up."

Fair Game (Scientology)
"[Suppressive Persons]... "The purpose ... is to harass and discourage rather than to win... enough harassment on somebody who is simply on the thin edge anyway... will generally be sufficient to cause his professional decease. If possible, of course, ruin him utterly".
--L. Ron Hubbard 1955 order

"[Suppressive Persons]... May be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed."
--L. Ron Hubbard 1965 order
Dead Agent (Scientology)
"If there will be a long-term threat, you are to immediately evaluate and originate a black PR campaign to destroy the person's repute and to discredit them so thoroughly that they will be ostracized."
-- L. Ron Hubbard, 1974, Handling Hostile Contacts/Dead Agenting
Fair Game (Rabbit Cult)
"This guy [Doc John of Northern Relay Service] doesn't belong in the pirate community. We've always taken care of problems within our own group. This guy is a problem. A big problem. He is being encouraged by a poster named "LEX" on HF Underground, so you know all the facts. We've dealt with trouble makers in the past and if they are ignored, they go away. If you have a solution, you think will work, do it, for the sake of pirate radio..."
--Commander Bunny order, March 2011

"CB set the limbo bar standard for pirate confidentiality so low that only rodents, snakes and cockroaches could crawl through," Pol Mak Erigot said with a shrug.

"With his cover blown, Fansome had to set up a new station in a western U.S. ghost town for awhile. It was tricky because he couldn't use the same Go-Go's and Belinda Carlisle songs. And the new songs weren't as readily adaptable to the vocoder effect. But it turned out that Warren Zevon songs had already been used by mercs in Rhodesia for coded radio comms in the field. The trick was in the song order, which shifted with each transmission to correspond with one-time number pads.

"Anyway," continued Pol Mak, "the operation ended in 2010, right around the ass-end the solar cycle. And we got word the FCC began scrutinizing shortwave pirate ops again. There were even unsubstantiated rumors that someone within the FRN was leaking location info to the FCC, but we know of only one person there who has repeatedly claimed to be acquainted with anyone in the FCC. So Fansome went underground, got a new identity and cached his transmitting equipment until things cool off. He gave us the go-ahead to release this info now, although he did request that we not specify the station IDs he used, since these may be revived sometime in the future."

So now we can confirm that, yes, Kracker is a snitch, did expose another pirate op's identity and has been permitted free rein to repeatedly harass other ops - some of whom are generally known "only" as listeners - as long as he continues to toss Commander Bunny's salad. Which, we hear, he enjoys with plenty of extra creamy, milky white Rabbit Ranch dressing.

Kracker was unavailable for comment as of press time but reportedly is now undergoing analysis after blowing an O-ring while occupied as an analyst for MS-13 where he was known by the code name "Mi Ano Duele". Dr. Zoidberg has something soothing for that.
From Images

Video of the Right Fu Kung Nao: "do you want the total war?" Nope, not the classic Boyd Rice/NON version, but just as much fun and only 25 seconds long. WATCH IT NOW!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Pull Up Your Shorts! June Gossip

From Radio Paranoia
Dishing With Dea

When Guise Faux barked "Pull up your shorts!" I hadn't a clue he meant the long overdue RP update. Since mid-June your radio Pheme has been dodging enormous mosquitoes on holiday to our lovely Manitou Island summer lodge, followed by a hectic tour de furs of the dance floor at Anthrocon (about which moar l8r).

So, still holiday-lagged, we assumed for an unpleasant moment GF was referring to another of those sordid Weiner tales. However he meant tidbits of gossip. Well, treasured readers, that we can do.

So, here goes nothing. How about these shorts, eh, gnomes?
Happy Canada Day, li'l fellah.

Pirates Week in dry dock for repairs
American pirate scene veteran and documentarian extraordinaire, Ragnar Daneskjold announced 23 June 2011 that he was taking an indefinite hiatus from his weekly PiratesWeek podcast, citing recurring bouts with tendonitis. Without mentioning any specifics he did hold out the possibility of a return, possibly with a revamped format, for the podcast which has documented the international free radio scene since 2005. This is probably as good a time as any for a respite as HF propagation has been quite poor this year and there has been less shortwave pirate activity about which to report.

Our sincere thanks to Ragnar for his excellent programmes, and our very best wishes for a recovery. And we're a mite jealous of his productivity. We can barely manage to roll out of bed by noon, never mind producing a 30 minute programme nearly every week.

DMCA suit reinstated against NJ radio shock jocks
We noticed this on our radio news feed recently whilst looking for DMCA issues regarding the reuse of music and audio. Nevertheless it does point to certain issues that may have a chilling effect on the nebulous concept of free speech in radio and the internet. At the same time there are valid concerns by the copyright holder/plaintiff involved in this case, as well as issues regarding slander, defamation and alleged damage to his livelihood.

"Copyright, Defamation Suit Reinstated Against N.J. 'Shock Jocks'"
"...(District Judge Joel) Pisano was too quick to dismiss the defamation claim, which alleged that (Craig) Carton and (Ray) Rossi spent 45 minutes on their radio show bashing (photographer Peter) Murphy, impugning his personal integrity, calling him "a man not to be trusted" in business dealings and suggesting he is gay."

"Fuentes said the claim should not have been dismissed before Murphy deposed Carton and Rossi, and further that Pisano was wrong to deny Murphy's motion to extend discovery, given the station's destruction of its recordings of the program a few days after it aired."

Note that the duo are no strangers to controversy, but apparently are strangers to irony. In 2007 Carton and Rossi said they felt threatened by free speech from a police spokesman, in response to the radio pair's criticism of the police department.

From The Radio Equalizer blog
05 May 2007
"Jersey Guys Yanked, Union Threats, 101.5 FM, Talk Radio"
"According to several news reports in the Garden State, after New Jersey 101.5 FM talkers Craig Carton and Ray Rossi exposed a potential "ticket blitz" scheme, police union officials went nuts, making threats and revealing Carton's home address and license plate number on television news programs."

"The station issued a statement saying "this form of intimidation and extortion is reprehensible.''"
One wonders what the courts might make of some of the various furballs hacked up by certain U.S. pirates over the past couple of years, along with similar slanders amongst hamster cannibals on 14275 and 14313 kHz. Oh, wait, this is HF radio, aka, shite nobody cares about. Never mind, darlings.

Speaking of which, we note the on again/off again kiss-and-kick affair between EE and K on IRC and the FRN seems to be... well, we don't quite know how to put it. It's certainly melodrama worthy of popcorn tossing. Guise Faux promises/threatens an upcoming blog article retrospective of the Summer 2008 pirate war and its fallout over the past three years. Foolish fellow, can't seem to let well enough alone.

Apparently as well the Frantic Rascal's Nuthouse brief flirtation with a new forum layout didn't last. The puzzling Coronary Mess Ejaculations forum headed by Kracker seems to have vanished as quickly as Anthony Weiner's career. And it appears Captain Ganja has taken on the unenviable chore of cat herding. We hope his humour and stash survive the ordeal.

Anthrocon 2011
Your radio Pheme followed our Manitou Island holiday with an absolutely insane tour de furs of the dance floor at Anthrocon in Pittsburgh and, boy... are my arms furry. Had a smashing time. Literally. I was smashing into everything and everyone. Well, almost... didn't see Boomer but then, I wouldn't, would I! I'm quite blind, you see, and Guise Faux wouldn't play the part of my seeing-eye person this year. Spoilsport.

On the crowds and lodging shortage, a fellow was quoted as saying "Many furry fans are already bunking four to a room -- the Westin's limit." We're not certain whether he meant that's a bad thing.

Fursonally, I believe my costume should have won, but some fellow snatched away my trophy and microphone to award the grand prize to his own favourite rabbit. Who knew Kanye West was not only a furry but a Commander Bunny devotee? I suppose we can forgive him.

Pirate dad embarrasses son at bus stop
(An explanation would only spoil the surprise.)
"I hope this lives with him for the rest of his life," Price said. "He can use it against his kids and tell them, 'If you think you are embarrassed by me, you should have seen your grandfather.'" -- The Pirate's Final Goodbye

'Til next time, darlings, pray for sunspots. Pray! you heathens, pray harder!
Click for 24-hour bandscan waterfall graphic for 6800-7000 kHz spectrum, 13 June 2011. Note WYFR was still active on 6915 and 6985 as of that bandscan, but appears to be less active as of 1 July 2011. ALE, CW and other data comms still noted.

Dea Fauxnette is a sight-impaired but sharp-eared correspondent for Tales of Radio Paranoia. Don't try to sneak anything past her. She heard you coming before you got started.