GlobalTuners Pokemon Challenge: 99.99% friendly DXers, 0.01% rabid Krackwhore

"I didn't invent the internet for this nonsense."
--ManBearPig

Illustrations by Dea Fauxnette

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We received the following from sources who requested anonymity. As we have no personal experience with GlobalTuners (although we were registered on the old DX Tuners site, and now have alternative accesses to various web controlled receivers) we can say only that we are informed by reliable sources that it is an excellent site for DXers and that, with the apparent exception of a particular Cxxxxxxxx, NC, node, the site offers wholesome family entertainment and a welcoming environment for radio listening enthusiasts.

However, judging from the following documented encounter with pirate radio's own beloved Kracker, we would advise that only Pokemon masters age 6 or older risk an encounter with that particular receiver.

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>W. Di L., M.D.
>SS F******
>Port.
>30 Nov 2011
>
>Hallo my freind
>
>I hope is no trouble you that I have this question of GlobalTuners.
>I am member on GlobalTuners many months and I enjoy very much.
>Is help when I travel my cruise ship and do not have my protable rado
>with me.
>
>I think I am respect and polite to every body. So. I am confuse
>with some thing that happens on other day. On 18 Nov 2011
>
>When visit C******** NC rado and has very good recepton. Many
>others people there before me so I wait and only listening. After is
>two hour most peoples leave and rado is 6930 AM is narrow filter.
>It sound not so good so I wait but I am only member their who is "normal user"
>can tune rado. So. I adjust wide filter to better sound. And try the
>ECSS tuning you see because is better when the weak signals?
>
>So. This "[kracker]" he make some things say seem not so nice. You see
>in chat log. I can not repeat him words they seem insult?
>
>I do Google of this his name and I see to your blog site are many of
>mentions his name this "kracker" so maybe I think you might help to me?
>
>I think I not do this wrong but am confuse. This not happen any time before.
>Is problem? Do RF rado tuner is not for me to use? Is private?
>
>Thanks you my freind and I can help you any things please tell me.
>W. Di L.
>********@*****.it

Dear Dr. Di L.

We regret that we did not hear from you under more pleasant circumstances.

Indeed, we have heard of this "Kracker" of whom you speak and with whom you experienced a most unfortunate encounter.

Fortunately, after consulting with experts, we are pleased to assure you that there is no risk of contagion from this encounter. The most sensible remedy is to avoid that particular node on GlobalTuners where you encountered a creature that is generally regarded as less dangerous than a Wild Snorlax in a Pokemon match. Please study the enclosed illustrated guide for doing battle with this lightly regarded and undocumented Pokemon known, unofficially, as the Krackwhore. If you have children or grandchildren between the ages of 3 and 6 they can easily help you defeat this not-particularly-noteworthy opponent, which was once regarded as suitable only for practice by complete novices until it was decided that the Krackwhore offered almost no challenge.

Please feel free to write us anytime. We wish you smooth sailing and good DX, wherever your journeys make take you.

Guise Faux

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ILLUSTRATED GUIDE FOR DEFEATING THE WILD KRACKWHORE
FROM POKEMON MANUAL 2001
DELETED 2002 AS BORING AND UNWORTHY OF EFFORT

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Connected!

GlobalTuners Radio Control Modern Skin version 4.0

[01:10] ----------------------

[01:10] * Welcome (name redacted)

[01:10] ----------------------

[01:17] * jax700 (Denver, US) has joined

[01:18] * nickstr1 (Avon IN, US) has joined

[01:20] * jax700 has left

[01:21] * Receiver locked to Normal users.

[01:21] * RF has left

[01:22] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[01:22] * Receiver has been locked by RF

[01:26] * jax700 (Denver, US) has joined

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[01:33] * Radionuts (Ballinamult, IE) has joined

[01:33] * nmoreno94 has left

[01:35] * Receiver locked to Normal users.

[01:35] * RF has left

[01:36] * Radionuts has left

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92532MHz, USB, 6kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92532MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92522MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.92512MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:37] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:39] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:39] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 1.5kHz

[01:40] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:40] * zorg sets AGC: On

[01:40] * zorg sets AGC: Off

[01:43] * nmoreno94 (Montevideo, UY) has joined

[01:44] * zorg: 6.9248MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:44] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:44] [nmoreno94] what they are listening on this frequency?

[01:46] * zorg: 6.9248MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:46] [zorg] strange things

[01:46] [nmoreno94] ok

[01:46] [zorg] how is the weather in montevideo

[01:47] * JerryS (Holland, MI, US) has joined

[01:47] [nmoreno94] good, temperature 18 and the skies are clear

[01:48] * JerryS has left

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9249MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.925MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * nickstr1 has left

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[01:48] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, AM, 6kHz

[01:49] * zorg sets AGC: On

[01:49] * zorg sets AGC: Off

[01:52] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[01:52] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 6kHz

[01:52] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:53] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9251MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, USB, 1.5kHz

[01:54] * ww511usa (Empire State Ny, US) has joined

[01:54] * ww511usa has left

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, AM, 1.5kHz

[01:54] * N9KX (Stillman Valley, US) has joined

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9252MHz, AM, 6kHz

[01:54] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, AM, 6kHz

[01:55] * N9KX has left

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[01:56] * RF sets AGC: On

[01:56] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 6kHz

[01:56] * zorg: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[01:57] * ww511usa has left

[01:58] * Inchon9151950 has left

[02:02] * RF sets AGC: Off

[02:07] [RF] damn, i better go buy some anti-freeze and add a little.. later. hold 'er down

[02:07] * RF has left

[02:07] * kb3kjs (, ) has joined

[02:08] * kb3kjs has left

[02:16] [kracker] ATTENTION:- kracker has Requested To Tune

[02:16] [kracker] put it on am

[02:18] [kracker] jesus man

[02:18] [kracker] everyone friggin fall asleep?

[02:18] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:18] [pizzadxer] i can't set it here either

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[02:19] [kracker] i got it

[02:19] [pizzadxer] now i can

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[02:19] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:20] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, USB, 3kHz

[02:20] * kracker: 6.9253MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:20] [kracker] devinatly am

[02:20] [kracker] the music

[02:20] [kracker] someone jamming too

[02:20] [pizzadxer] yip

[02:22] [kracker] xp thump u hear that?

[02:23] [pizzadxer] lol

[02:23] [kracker] someone playing with a tone genny

[02:24] [kracker] hear their computer again?

[02:24] [kracker] somone being maliciouse

[02:24] [kracker] seriouse

[02:25] [pizzadxer] yep

[02:25] [kracker] it is vista i think judging from the pc generated sounds

[02:25] [kracker] poet uses vista

[02:25] [kracker] i know this to be a fact

[02:25] [kracker] not too many morons use vista

[02:26] [kracker] most ppl realise it is a bloated piece of schit

[02:37] * kracker: 6.9276MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:38] * kracker: 6.9285MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:40] * kracker: 6.93MHz, AM, 3kHz

[02:44] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[02:44] [RF] man i'm tired

[02:45] [pizzadxer] tired here too

[02:46] [RF] filppin anti freeze is now half water for the same price

[02:47] [pizzadxer] man

[02:47] [RF] as it was full strength

[02:48] [pizzadxer] thats outrageous

[02:49] * Receiver has been locked by RF

[02:50] [RF] lemme know if ya wanna tne

[02:50] [pizzadxer] ok

[02:54] [kracker] anyone get an id yet?

[02:55] * RF sets AGC: On

[02:57] [kracker] thats splatter from like 69285

[02:57] [kracker] how teh hell r u r**

[02:57] [kracker] hope all is well

[02:59] [RF] talk later... got a bj in progress

[03:05] * Receiver locked to Normal users.

[03:05] * RF has left

[03:13] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:14] * zorg has left

[03:14] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:14] [kracker] aww

[03:14] [kracker] no tune 4u

[03:14] * rmarte (castleton on hudson ny, US) has joined

[03:14] [kracker] next

[03:14] * rmarte has left

[03:14] [kracker] pmlol

[03:14] [kracker] aww

[03:15] [kracker] owner locked the tuner so sad too bad here have a cookie.. next

[03:16] * (name red.): 6.93MHz, AM, 6kHz

[03:17] [kracker] band opened up

[03:17] [kracker] not just the 3kc adjustment

[03:19] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:20] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:20] * johnlock has left

[03:28] * pizzadxer has left

[03:31] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:31] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:38] * RF (NC, US) has joined

[03:39] [RF] get an ID?

[03:39] [kracker] wake up r**

[03:39] [RF] lol

[03:39] [kracker] did she swallow?

[03:39] [RF] like a champ

[03:39] [kracker] enquiring minds wanna know

[03:39] [RF] haha

[03:39] [kracker] good 4 u

[03:40] [kracker] u know where chat i

[03:40] [kracker] s

[03:40] [RF] ya

[03:43] [kracker] hey r**?

[03:43] [RF] yea

[03:43] [kracker] poet is a punk ass beioch

[03:43] [RF] is this him?

[03:44] [kracker] thinkin it is northern relay

[03:44] [kracker] poet friendly

[03:44] [RF] kk

[03:44] [kracker] no matter

[03:44] [kracker] i got their ass kicked at will

[03:45] [RF] did he get the bust? you mentioned or someone did bcasting

[03:47] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, AM, 6kHz

[03:47] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, USB, 6kHz

[03:47] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, USB, 3kHz

[03:48] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, LSB, 3kHz

[03:48] [kracker] wow you totaly fucked that up

[03:48] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, USB, 3kHz

[03:48] [kracker] congrats

[03:48] [(name red.)] que?

[03:48] [kracker] got any other tricks up your sleve?

[03:49] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, AM, 3kHz

[03:49] * (name red.): 6.9302MHz, AM, 5.1kHz

[03:49] * (name red.): 6.93MHz, AM, 5.1kHz

[03:49] [kracker] wow your amazingly retared

[03:49] * Receiver has been locked by RF

[03:49] [(name red.)] is you rado?

[03:49] [kracker] retarded

[03:49] [(name red.)] que?

[03:49] [RF] no but it IS mine

[03:49] [kracker] no your just a friggin moron

[03:49] [kracker] fucktard

[03:49] [(name red.)] ok RF thanks you my freind

[03:50] [kracker] get fuckin lost dumb ass

[03:50] [(name red.)] is good rado is fast

[03:50] [RF] whats the freq K?

[03:50] [(name red.)] I thanks you adeus

[03:50] [kracker] your still a fuckin moron you stupid piece of schit

[03:51] [(name red.)] que?

[03:51] [kracker] take a long walk off a short pier

[03:51] [kracker] fuck you asshat

[03:51] [kracker] your the result of a gang rape on a pool table

[03:51] [(name red.)] I sorry my english no so good

[03:51] [kracker] like i could give a fuck

[03:52] [kracker] go some where they speak your language cockwad

[03:52] [kracker] like the land of brown eye

[03:53] [(name red.)] you speak what?

[03:57] * Inchon9151950 (Ohio , US) has joined

[03:57] * Inchon9151950 has left

[03:58] [(name red.)] ok I thanks you my freinds adeus good dx

TWIRP: Racism, in MY pirate radio? It's more or less ambiguous than you may or may not think

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"We would call this movie an example of reverse racism at its finest, but that would imply that we condone a certain type of racism, and frankly, it's all the same to us. So when the youngest Wayans brothers donned whiteface to crack some jokes at the expense of white people, we laughed. And laughed again when they sang some Vanessa Carlton. But that doesn't make it right. No, not in the least."

--From Complex Magazine's oh-so-PC course in pop culture apologetics, "The 50 Most Racist Movies (You Didn't Think Were Racist)" on the Wayans brothers movie, "White Chicks"

Oh, yeah... that review included an amazon.com click to buy link. Nothing says "We may feel guilty for laughing at vaguely racist humor, but not too guilty to miss an opportunity at a marketing tie-in" like an amazon.com link.

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This Week In Radio Paranoia... a mixed message bag of racist humour! Marshall McLuhan said "The medium is the message." A corollary may be "Context is everything." So it is with humour that touches on race, religion and similarly sensitive issues. Let's see if you agree in regard to these very recent examples in the shortwave pirate radio medium.

• Fake TCS = lol Bonehead League in ur radio makin' FUD.
• KBLK = lol white boy in ur radio gettin' his black on to editorialize, yeeaaoww.

He who smelt it, dealt it
November 13, 2011, 2200 UTC, 6950 AM
Some unidentified station faked a program and broadcast by The Crystal Ship, playing racist music with TCS ID's clumsily spliced between songs. It apparently was a failed attempt to smear the reputation of John Poet of TCS. Anyone who has heard genuine broadcasts by TCS would know he would never play this type of material. The worst anyone can say of the Poet is he is an idealistic progressive in the mold of the great American upper midwestern socialism. It may also be the best you can say of him, if you happen to share that idealism. GF prefers anarchy.

The station ID's were obviously faked, cut from real TCS programs. Poet's familiar opening monologue, consisting of a reading of the opening lyrics to the song "The Crystal Ship" by The Doors, was placed uncharacteristically in the middle of the hoaxed program and repeated. The other ID, in John Poet's voice, was repeated two or three times, also uncharacteristic. Poet usually mixes up pre-recorded ID's and includes those by Juliana Montana.

Rather than the familiar National Anthem of the Soviet Union which begins most genuine TCS broadcasts, the faked program began with dialog from the 1941 Disney movie "The Reluctant Dragon", which contains the "punk poet" audio segment Kracker has used in recent Radio Jamba International shows targeting Poet. A copy of the movie may be found on YouTube, where the uploader described the dragon as "extremely faggalicious". This, presumably, drew Kracker's attention whilst he was Googling his favourite topic.

Who was first to sense the scent of this stinker? Interestingly, only a handful of listeners and/or sockpuppets reported hearing this broadcast, all on the Frolicsome Rabbit Nuthugger's haunt. 't' blames Kracker. Bad Andy sez "No this could only be Commander Bunny he is way more evil than Kracker." Krackwhore McIdiot and the Virginia Bunnyman plead innocence... or ignorance... probably both. Most of that thread smells trollish, other than comments by Boomer, and, perhaps, John Galt and JTA. And believe me, I know what troll smells like... takes one to know one.

Since Poet's FCC bust was announced in July - accompanied by an oh-so-eager announcement on the FRN by probable Pat Murphy sockpuppet "MIB" - the only pirate radio operators to continually take jabs at Poet, including repeatedly specifying his real name and complete address, are Murphy, under his Commander Bunny persona on his WBNY blog, and Paul McElligott, aka "Kracker" of Radio Jamba International. Both have professed their innocence. The ladies doth protest too much, methinks.

We say "He who smelt it,
dealt it."

Streaming audio of an edited version of the faked TCS broadcast, with the offensive racist music deleted. You may, if you choose, download the unedited version here. The lyrics for these songs may be found here. Don't say we didn't warn you.

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Can We All Just Get Along?
A few people may have been puzzled at my comment on the HF Underground that I found the KBLK show hilarious. I did, and still do. But not necessarily for the obvious reasons.

The attempt at appeasement by KBLK might have been more persuasive, if not for the unfortunate timing of coinciding with the overtly offensive racist faked TCS broadcast.

HFU logs for KBLK
12 Nov 2011 - 6925 AM 2220 UTC
14 Nov 2011 - 6925 AM 0010 UTC
Audio stream for 32 minute KBLK program here.

While some may take offence at the presumed use of a "black" voice by a presumably white man, I found it generally funny for the barbed wit aimed at this year's "pirate war". I really did laugh aloud when he named Guise Faux among the combatants. As the announcer, "Straight G", observed, most of the "war" has been waged online - including with the ToRP blog - in a hobby dominated by a demographic of mostly middle aged white men.

I would take exception only at the implied presumption that few women are interested in the shortwave listening hobby, or specifically in pirate radio broadcasting. However I would say - considering the misogynistic abuse Pat Murphy and Paul McElligott have directed toward two notable women SWLs, Gayle Van Horn and Lori Easterly - it's not surprising that most women in the SWL, amateur radio and pirate radio hobbies prefer to keep a low profile.

First, however, the entire KBLK show is a mixed message. On the one hand, it begins with "Cheri Love Affair" by punk performance artist G.G. Allin, before segueing into the dark side. The only possible relevance we can see is some vague nod toward wannabe punk Kracker, who may have pretensions toward Allin's reputation for being hardcore, but lacks the minerals to follow through to the inevitable conclusion. But we wish him all the best in that pursuit.

The DJ's pseudo-black patois puts a modestly edgy veneer on the humour. Then somehow it segues into what amounts to a Rodney King style "can't we all just get along" plea for a return to fun, safe, non-threatening hobbyist pirate radio. In the end, it sounds like a plea to do it, people, do it for the sake of comfortable, white, middle class pirate radio.




The gangsta patois shouldn't bother anyone who's hip to trashy pop culture. If it's distasteful, someone needs to tell Quentin Tarantino to delete his scenes (Jimmie Dimmick - The Bonnie Situation) from "Pulp Fiction". Or Gary Oldman's scenes from "True Romance". Or Robert Downey, Jr. in "Tropic Thunder". Or Darrell Hammond's Jesse Jackson impressions from Saturday Night Live. Or... just get the fuck over it.

Beastie Boys? Vanilla Ice? Eminem? Mimicking a stereotypical Jewish, Mexican, Asian or black gangsta voice and style isn't even edgy anymore, let alone racist. Not any more than mocking the foibles of pirate radio in this blog is killing pirate radio.

But if you object to this blog about pirate radio while you've voiced no objections to the misogynistic cyber-harassment of Mrs. Van Horn and Ms. Easterly by McElligott and Murphy, which includes besmirching their professional reputations, then pardon my yawning at your mild discomfort over not hearing more Pink Floyd and Grateful Dead on shortwave rather than a spat that would barely ruffle your mom's feathers compared with the typical YouTube comment sections.

Besides, for all we know, the KBLK DJ really is black. Hard to tell since his voice covered every accent from Chris Rock to Wolfman Jack. Better dig up the Wolfman and warn him someone's mocking wolfmen... or corpses.

Now, one thing that's funny - besides the pretty good voice work - is that he's right about most of us being white, middle aged, and with way too much time on our hands if we can find the time and energy to poke each other online or on the air.

It's also funny that he thinks we're all white, middle aged men. Because depending on the moon phase, Commander Bunny can't seem to decide whether I'm him, or I'm Tennessee troll Evil Elvis, or I'm Corq, or I'm just a sockpuppet for Poet. Eventually he'll get around to all of you other white, middle aged guys, so just wait your turns. The Lagomurph may not know whodunnit, but he knows one of you done it.

Another amusing bit is that Mr. DJ thinks the problem can be solved by ignoring Murphy and his sockpuppets. Well, that's been tried, hasn't it? Back in 2001. Back in 2008. Again in early 2011. Look how well that worked out. Where was your angst then? Or were you a mite too cautious to take on the lumbering Lagomurph and his sock drawer army?

"I can promise you that not once will you ever read on this blog that pirate radio is destroying blogging."

But the funniest thing of all? The notion that exercising free speech by blogging about the wonderfully diverse quirks and foibles of the pirate radio scene is somehow destroying pirate radio. Meanwhile, pirate radio is "free speech", but... I can promise you that not once will you ever read on this blog that pirate radio is destroying blogging.

With over 31,000 page views since March 2011, astonishing growth for any blog, let alone a niche hobbyist blog, the readership speaks for itself. Not once has this blog pimped itself via sockpuppets on every radio related website. We leave that to the Virginia Bunnyman. Not once have we sent out QSL cards, refrigerator magnets or bumper stickers ridiculing innocent people who are only peripherally involved in the SWL hobby. We leave that to Murphy and McElligott.

But we do extend our deepest appreciation to the Lagomurph for going to such expense to publicize our blog. It's that kind of genuine grassroots, word of mouth, supportive fanbase that's proven how Radio Free Speech really works.

In the end, the message from the KBLK narrator - which we believe to have been genuinely intended to reduce the tension - resulted in a misfire due to occurring the same weekend as the faked racist TCS broadcasts. In the end, the entire mixed message basically sounded like the "Mars Attacks!" Martians: "ACK! ACK!"

Can't we all just get a LOL?

Oh, by the way... remember what happened after that stirring speech by the President? Yeah, the Martians vaporized him. Blessed are the peacemakers.

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Finally, if you're finding it difficult to grok how fucked up it is to find some types of racial or ethnic humor funny - even if you feel a little guilty about it - and other types not funny by any standards, imagine growing up with Zwarte Piet and Sinterclaas, or Krampus as part of your winter holiday festivities.

The Radio Paranoia FUNnies are Back!

Sunday Funnies With Dea

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Happy Hallows Eve, Samhain, Guising and whatever else you pirates, anarchists, neopagans and trolls wish to celebrate! We haven't done Sunday Funnies for awhile. Let us see how our new ParanoiDroid smartypants phone fares with this sort of nonsense.

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Our intrepid rumours and graphics editor, Dea Fauxnette, is Guising in a city of refuge whilst waiting for the current outbreak of fatal mad-hare myxomatosis to run its course.

The Cat Herder's Lament

OFFICIOUS PUS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE PUSTROBUTION

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"Okay, so..." whenever you see anyone begin a question, post or, God forbid, instructional article online with "Okay, so..." you need to smack the offender upside the brainpan and tell them to get to the fucking point. Because I can't think of a single instance where the "Okay, so..." couldn't just be deleted and, oh, I don't know... start the fucking question or post without those two useless saggy tit verbal appendages that make your would-be readers want to throw up a little bit in their mouths.

For one thing, anyone who begins a post with "Okay, so..." sounds like either an immature girl, a petulant teenage emo boy itching for a warm, soft place to pout, or an NPR weekend host. I can almost hear the rising inflection in your goddam voice, ending every phrase as if you're asking a question when you're actually trying but failing to write a simple fucking declarative sentence.

Not only does it make you sound like you're whining and looking for an excuse to force readers to abuse you, it angers me that I have to waste 10 seconds trying to decide whether to ignore your stupid post or troll the fuck out of you by pretending to be your friend while giving you terrible advice that is sure to get you banned from the entire interbutt and ridiculed the first time you try to actually follow that advice.

And if you're a grown man starting a post with a sentence that even vaguely resembles this...

"OK so the FRN has been through some hard bumps in the past year..."

...you are evidently suffering from an absence of dangly bits, which can be the only explanation for why you cannot restrain yourself from the excessive use an effeminate word like "nasty", a word that should never be uttered or written by anyone other than your Aunt Gertrude when she's fretting at her 13 year old chihuahua for dry humping her leg again.

Furthermore, if you've repeated the same fucking whine over and over for a decade, with only minor modifications in names and places as necessary to indicate whomever and whatever has bunched up your lacy underthings this time, you need to get off the goddam interweb.

Don't make me troll you again, silly hareball. I remix your audio foar teh lulz. Your so-called pirates are whiny cannibal hamsters and eat each other's tiny dingleberries. Now go away or I shall troll you a second time.

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moar Radio Paranoia audio anarchy 4 u

Speaking of remixing your audio...

I've been busy slicing and dicing the recent Radio Jamba International and WBNY programs to make Radio Jambalaya, and hadn't planned on writing a blog entry at all this week. It really goes against my nature to write such dreadfully lewd, rude and crude stuff. My sincerest apologies to any who were offended by the above exercise in slandercasting and ruining pirate radio. But my promoter said I needed to fan the flames for the sake of publicity. Supposedly it helps the pay-per-lulz figures. He also says I should demand the bunnyman and Kraquerette be tested for steroids, but I'm pretty sure he's joking. There's absolutely no evidence they're experiencing elevated testosterone levels. If they are juicing they should check to be sure it's not estrogen.


Beings of Sound
NSFW: Lewd, crude and obscene language, mostly by a neurotic cartoon chick.



The September 2011 RJI tribute to Poet of The Crystal Ship had some pretty good bits, especially the segments with Germaine from "Neurotically Yours" reading her awful anti-erotic poetry, and Saul Williams performing "Coded Language." The audio from that particular version of Coded Language seemed to have some st-st-stuttering, like a glitchy audio stream. But I dug it. So I sampled the stutters and Williams' many sharp intakes of breath, loaded them up in Winamp, hit the randomize button and recycled the various audio bits until it developed its own peculiar rhythm. Then I sampled some beats from another part of the RJI show, reversed and looped them and mashed the whole thing together. Other bits came from one of the WBNY feud shows (2006, I think), Boxxy (natch), Cosmikdebris from a December 2009 Lumpy Gravy Show, and some of my favorite inspirations for audio collages: Jon Nelson at Some Assembly Required; odds and ends from Radiolab. One of the variations ended up as the 6 min 12 second version of Beings of Sound, the title taken from a line in Coded Language.


The Cat Herder's Lament
Warning: This is made of 99.99% F-bombs! Not suitable for anyone!



Of all the shitty volunteer efforts on the vast, immane, interwoven, interacting systems of systems we know and despise as the interbutt, the worst may be the moderator's position at the Free Radio Network. Pity the unfortunates who can only stand by and observe the twin horrors of Murphy's boundless ego and bottomless sock drawer.

After one of my early and rather crude audio cut-ups escaped captivity in late 2009 and nearly capsized the Floating Rotten Nutsack, Cosmikdebris was kind enough and courageous (or foolhardy) enough to give exposure and airplay that 7 Minutes to Hell might never otherwise have enjoyed. What tickled me more than the drama queen antics of the Lagomurph's various socks when he blamed the hapless "Spore" for unearthing the fetid audio clip, was Cosmikdebris' weary tone of resignation when he commented on the bit of aural trollery. I knew that one day I must create a fitting tribute. And, from having listened to many Lumpy Gravy Shows and knowing his appreciation for musical eccentricity, I sincerely do hope he'll enjoy it.

And if not, well, hell... I still had a blast putting these together. The hybrid Jamaican Dub/Dubstep whumpa-whumpa actually came from sampling beats from the RJI show and bastardizing the hell out of the samples until they sounded phat, then reversing and looping them. Ideally I'd like to create weird hip-hop stuff made entirely from other pirate radio shows, something akin to the amazing Motown Meltdown remixes where everything was taken from the original source masters. If you dig audio anarchy you'll love Motown Meltdown vols 1 & 2. I was a little disappointed by Girl Talk after hearing all the hype back in 2009, but that's probably because the source material wasn't familiar to me. But the Motown Meltdown stuff comes from familiar sources, but totally re-imagined. It's like 'shrooms without the risk of barfing or getting busted.

Meanwhile, I'm still working on remixing the recent WBNY salute to Poet and yours truly, Guise Faux. Because as the Lagomurph is addicted to socks and swimming in De Nile, we at Radio Paranoia are addicted to all things meta. By the way, CB and Kracker - please don't bury your voice overs so deep under music beds and sound effects. Makes it hard as hell to dig out and remix. And watch those levels - I'm hearing some clipping in there.

---

If you dig the sound collage approach, check out Mashed in Plastic on YouTube, with some crazy good remixes of David Lynch movie bits and Lynch/Badalamenti music.

The Irony of Anonymity

"...The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones."
--Julius Caesar, 3.II

by Brown Nose the Pirate

---

When I got this shit assignment, Guise Faux sez "All I'm giving you is a working title: 'The Irony of Anonymity'. The rest is up to you."

"Irony"? sez I. "The fuckizzat? Sarcasm for pussies?"

"It's about how the tradition of anonymity and pseudonymity in pirate radio has become a trap," sez the boss.

"A trap?" sez I. "You mean like Admiral Ackbar 'It's a trap!' or Jaye Davidson 'It's a trap!'?"

"Either. Both. Neither," sez the boss, raising one eyebrow and looking moderately surprised. A rare event. Nothing seems to surprise him.

"Ennyways, fuckami, goddam octopus?" I protest. "Awreddy got one hand onna keyboard, tryin'ta finish part four of this 'Fester' trilogy, other hand onna beer. Now I gotta write this pussy shit about 'irony'? Give it to Dea."

"Part four of the Fester triology is already three months overdue," GF replies patiently. "And Dea is on holiday to Manitou Island again. Noone has your taste for... blood. Write it any way you want."

He walks toward the door without another look. "Big bonus," sez the boss. "I'm counting on you," he sez.

He pauses at the door and sez, without looking around, "Don't let me down."

Suddenlike, the hare on the back of my neck is standing up.

Awright, whatever, I need the cash.

Past few years I been talkin' to lotsa people 'bout this U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene. Station operators, listeners, webmasters and moderators, other people who write 'bout pirate radio, Discordians, trolls and anarchists. Tell ya, shit people say, 'specially late night after the band goes long, the six pack is gone and th' Ambien or Xanax kicks in.

Truth comes out, late night, tellya what.

Radio tuff guys
Like Kracker bragging 'bout he's gonna stalk Shlomanski's wife or some such schit, or snitching out Fansome on air in 2008, or he's gonna kick in Evil Elvis's last tooth, or he's gonna talk toddler babytalk to some guy who looked crosseyed at Krackwhore's sugar daddy, Commander Bunny. Seriously - on IRC... Kracker plops in like a turd, and sez, I shit you not... "ninny nanny noo noo stick your head in doo doo."

*** Log file opened: 3/2/2008 1:32:34 PM
[14:09] Guest1 is now known as RJI[14:10] [RJI] ninny nanny noo noo stick your head in doo doo
[14:10] [RJI] pmlol
[14:33] Guest1 Laughs Out Loud :D
[14:33] Guest1 Laughs Out Loud 1,8:D
[15:05] ChrisSmol sets mode: +b *!*@Star812610.columbus.res.rr.com
[15:05] ChrisSmol has kicked Guest from #pirateradio

Fuckin loudmouth leprechaun, spin some more Grateful Dead or cry some more about Fat Steve or do sumpin yer good at like warm up CB's nuts.

Ennyways, 'scuse my fuckin French...

Common theme ya hear is how this whole thing about anonymity - pseudonyms, aliases, whatever you wanna call it - has been corrupted, misused by a coupla guys, the bunnyman and his favorite nuthugging homunculus goon, tryin' to set up this cult. 'Cuz that's what it is, let's face it, fuckin' pagan Ishtar "Eoster" cult set up by this one guy got a hare up his butt, if ya catch my drift and I'm purty dang sure ya do. Other goon, tryin' to set up this Blowing League SubMoron clench onna FRN. And that's more of yer irony right there - Malaclypse, Hubbard, Jack Parsons, Stang, all 'em guys, gotta be laffin' their asses off at these clowns.

See, originally, these pirates, free radio operators, whatever, they gotta watch out for the FCC. Back in the day, this was serious stuff, big fines. And embarrassing. Some a these guys, they got licenses at stake - ham radio, some even in commercial radio. Maybe some work in government or politics, consultation and whatnot. Even a magazine editor got busted back in '91, running a 13-hour mobile marathon. FCC, serious fuckin business back in the day.

So, you don't use real names or addresses.

You don't reveal the names and locations of fellow pirates. Ever. Because you'll never be trusted again.

And since you don't know for sure who's a pirate and who isn't, why take a chance on exposing anyone's real name and location in the pirate scene? Look at the situation with Kracker in the summer 2008 "pirate war." He thought Fansome was "only" a listener. And Kracker's jealous, see, has this bunny crush on Commander Bunny and wanted to be CB's bitch. Kracker don't like it, Fansome getting a special QSL package from the bunnyman, and Fansome cracking wise about the bunny. So he outs Fansome by real name and address, claims he got the info because Fansome "ordered a t-shirt." Who's sellin' t-shirts? Not Kracker. The bunnyman is. And now Kracker hasta wear a snitch jacket forevermore.

And now ya gotta wonder how secure your identity is when you order WBNY swag offa ebay, or send for a real QSL card. Who knows who's gettin' yer info now, am I right? Whole trust thing, it's blown, cuz a' this loudmouth leprechaun. And now the hareball hisself, he can't be trusted neither.

Don't break the seal
See, the whole anonymity/pseudonymity thing is like drinking beer and trying not to piss. Cuz once you break the seal, a whole lotta piss is gonna come out. And keep comin' out.

So, say a guy wansta be a pirate. He comes up with a good radio name, station ID, preferably sumpin' easy to copy with weak signal or lotsa static. Off to the races. Hook up a transmitter and some wire, put out a signal and then... what? Who heard you? You dunno. Maybe you wait for signal reports, like in Monitoring Times inna old days. Maybe you don't wanna wait.

So you find a mail drop. Can you trust the guy? Who knows, ya hope so. Cuz past few years ya got some reason to wonder, what with Krackwhore McIdiot in '08 bragging about having the bunnyman's mailing list and whatnot. Starts reading out names an' addresses over the air, blowing crap 'bout he's gonna do this to so-and-so, gonna do that t'other guy. And now ya even got the bunnyman himself threatening to drop a dime on ops he don't like. And the bunnyman making all this noise about how real pirates send real QSL cards, right. Lotsa pressure. Like you start wonderin'... is he tryin'ta collect a database of names and addresses? Cuz ya hear things, y'know, I'm just sayin'.

So, back in the day, sure, anonymity, pseudonyms, handles, whatever, yeah, serves a purpose. Now, you think, maybe not so much. It's just part of the act, part of the show, put on a good show for the listeners, right? Don't even need a mail drop. Listener wants a QSL, send an eQSL. Make the resolution high enough it'll print postcard size just fine.

FCC? Minor problem, mostly warnings the past year, 2010 and this year, before then, not much a nothing. Not like FM, those guys get socked harder. But now... you hear things, y'know? Like maybe some insider is a snitch.

Why still with the charade, then? Why the big deal about aliases within the pirate "community," and I use the term loosely, my friend. Why the whole Secret Squirrel stuff?

Control, my friend, it's all about control. Mind control, black propaganda, dirty tricks. Stuff a media savvy guy or political hack would know. A guy like Pat Murphy. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm only here to praise Murphy, not bury him. Cuz we're all men of honor, amirite?

An' howza guy like that get that kinda savvy? WROV bio sez he was Jerry Michael Graves for awhile. Virginia news sez he flip flopped between names depending on whether he's working radio or political hack jobs. So, he's Michael Graves as assistant to the Montana governor in the 1980s, then back to Pat Murphy as a radio guy, then back to Graves when he's working for some Virginia area transportation authority. Then Murphy again.

So, this is an experienced guy, savvy, knows how the game is played. He's not gonna get caught in anything sketchy, right? He's gonna stay above the fray, use his experience to keep the pirate scene chill, right? He's gonna be neutral, right, support the whole pirate scene, not play favorites. Cuz we're all honorable men here.

See, the FCC... ain't a pirate's worst enemy. What's FCC gonna do? Basically, waggle a finger, "You're a naughty pirate, don't do it again, kthxbai!" Is he gonna expose your identity, home address... well, maybe, sure, depends on the situation. With a warning, maybe not even that. Is he gonna try to incite people to harass you, badmouth your business? Nah. Threaten to stalk your family, like Kracker did in 2008? Nah. Is he gonna use a buncha sockpuppets to fag up the interbutt, squeeze out a buncha Astroglide and fist himself, tell himself how great he is? Nah. Is the FCC guy gonna whine "Yer ruining pirate radio! Nasty monkeys! Cowardly keyboard commandos!" Nah. Is FCC guy gonna call you a child molester like Commander Bunny does when he's having a big boo-hoo, pull a buncha dirty tricks to humiliate you, chase you away so he can go back to suckin his own sockpuppets? Nah. What kinda crazy person would do that? Makes no sense, am I right?

---

A pirate's worst enemies?

Himself.

Other pirates.

---

Same as the cannibal hamsters who gnaw on each other on 14275 and 14313 USB. 'cept those guys don't hide behind some fake, bullshit pirate code of anonymity.

See, the irony of anonymity is that the biggest attention whores hide behind their smoke screens singing "Looky me! Looky me! I'm the greatest pirate of them all! But you gotta pretend you don't know who I am!" while ratting out anyone they don't like.

Like Yogi Berra said, all pirates are liars or crybabies. Or was it pitchers? I dunno.

Lookit Commander Bunny. Huge attention whore and drama queen. "Looky me! Lookyme!" alla time. Cripes. Whines about how Poet supposedly revealed his location. Huh? CB sez he's in Missoula, Montana, on his own publicly accessible Facebook page. Same place Bill O. Rights of Radio Free Speech claims to be. I guess the bunnyman is living in a hutch outside Billo's one-holer now.

Meanwhile, someone onna Blowing League posts a biography on their pmlol.com site, saying Pat Murphy actually is Commander Bunny and Bill O. Rights and a buncha other legendary pirate stations. Right there onna page, sez it's the only authorized biography for Pat Murphy, Commander Bunny, Bill O. Rights and whatnot. So, who wrote that? Kracker? Some other f00kin slohb? Why the hell would they wanna slander a respectable guy like Pat Murphy that way, a man of honor? Cuz we're all honorable men here, amirite? Is it the Bowling League that Commander Bunny and Pat keep saying are ruining pirate radio and exposing good pirates?

---

"...their pmlol.com site, saying Pat Murphy actually is Commander Bunny and Bill O. Rights ... who wrote that? Kracker? Why the hell would they wanna slander a respectable guy like Pat Murphy that way?"

---

And, hey, don't shoot the messenger, we're only the piano player, y'know, we didn't play that song and dance on the pmlol.com site, we just read it and wondered why someone would write that kinda stuff about a well respected guy like Murphy. An honorable man like him.

Point is, remember what I said about "don't break the seal"? Yer drinkin' beer, once you start pissin', once ya break the seal, ain't no stoppin' it. Same with this whole pirate radio anonymity/pseudonymity game. Ya break the seal, watch out for the pissin', cuz there ain't no stoppin' it. And, buddy, there's a bladder full of piss stored up right now.

I mean, this Commander Bunny, he's the same guy using all these sockpuppets to mess with people all these years: Beans, Mosby, Bouncer, Thumper... who knows how many more? Ya gotta wonder about "lovemyradios", Winston, "2531" and "MIB". Wazzat? like "Man In Bunnysuit"? MIB is the one who couldn't wait to link to Poet's bust on the FCC site... like MIB knew it was coming.

This is the same bunnyman who called "Spore" a child molester and then published the schlub's name, ham call sign, address and then publishes the names, call signs and addresses for the schlub's family? The guy's family, fer chrissake. Classy, bunny, classy.

This is the same harebrain who makes up his own rules about whether to respect the anonymity of other people in the pirate scene:

"...the protections, extended to pirates, does not (sic) include you. Even if you were to go on the air and be a pirate, it wouldn't count now, its (sic) called "EX POST FACTO" but you so (sic) smart, I'll bet you figure it all out. But just in case, the protections, are not retroactive! Sorry but you lose."
--Beans, December 28, 2009, the "Spore" incident. (Beans is/was a sockpuppet for Commander Bunny.)

The Canuck Trollmaster Flips the Bunny. Flips Him For Real.
This bunnyman, he's the same myxomatosis-infected guy tried to use his lame "bobsmith6955@yahoo.com" alias, pretending to be from Lethbridge, Canada, trying to con Doc John of Northern Relay Service. This "Bob Smith" mook's IP traces to Virginia! And Doc John flips the con around on the bunnyman! Masterful trolling, so hilarious it'll get its own blog entry. So ComBun has a hissy fit cuz he got trolled and conned by a master, and starts pissin' all over the FRN about how IRC is "evil", and hasta use half-a-fuckin-dozen aliases to support his lame whining. It is precious!

"IRC the destruction of Pirate Radio - The FRN Grapevines"

And then this past February "Bob Smith" tries to get Doc John busted by reporting him to the authorities in Canada! Yeah, no shit. "Bob Smith" files a complaint with an amateur radio club in Canada, with the CBC, with Industry Canada, all because the mook can't stand a little competition from another relay service. Talk about yer fuckin hareball!

And now we hear Poet of The Crystal Ship gets The Knock. And the agent seems to know way too much about Poet in advance. And "MIB" on the FRN seems to know way too much in advance - like he's knows it's comin', and he just can't wait to crow about it. MIB... Man In Bunnysuit? Murphy In Bunnysuit? Nah... nah... couldn't be, cuz he's an honorable man.

Poet, The Crystal Ship, one of the true veterans of the U.S. pirate scene dating back to the early 1980s... snitched out? How does this happen? Among these honorable men?

---

"There were only two people who had my real name," Poet tells me. "I've been very careful," he sez...



"...except for that damned t-shirt."

---

From Commander Bunny's WBNY blog declaration of 19 May 2011:

"What I will do is make sure everyone on my mailing list knows who is really behind the lies, rumors and cowardly attacks. Everyone is going to know their real names, their real locations and have a complete portfolio on the nasty monkeys behind the destruction of Pirate Radio."
--Commander Bunny demonstrates ninja choke hold on irony

The bunnyman's intentions seem pretty damn clear. And that's pretty damn close to the date on which Poet got The Knock from the FCC, and the dates in May specified in the FCC's warning letter.

---

"If I knew where you were located, and wanted to "scare you" I'd used (sic) your real address..."
--Commander Bunny, WBNY blog, July 26, 2011, before later revision in which he did publish Poet's real name and full address. (Full resolution download available here.)

---

"...here is the name and location of the "visit" by the FCC."

Gxxxxxx X Bxxxx
3xxx Cxxxxxx AVE
LANSING, MI 48xxx

--Commander Bunny, WBNY blog, July 26, 2011, one of several revisions that day, this one in which he did publish Poet's real name and full address. The FCC notice specified only the name and city. Commander Bunny added the specific street address. That information has been obscured here in the text version only to make a Google search a little more difficult. The screencap contains the original copy of the WBNY blog and is also available in HTML.

---

"This guy [Doc John of Northern Relay Service] doesn't belong in the pirate community. We've always taken care of problems within our own group. This guy is a problem. A big problem... We've dealt with trouble makers in the past and if they are ignored, they go away. If you have a solution, you think will work, do it, for the sake of pirate radio..."
--Commander Bunny, March 2011 (Note: Pat Murphy, under his "bobsmith6955@yahoo.com" alias, had already filed a complaint against Northern Relay Service to a Canadian amateur radio organization in February 2011.)

Sorry, CB, pirate radio is not your personal army. Go raid your sock drawer and see if ya can get Beans or Mosby or Bob Smith to call the FCC next time you feel the need to hack up a hareball.

So, Commander Bunny is wondering why people suspect he might have snitched out Poet to the FCC? And all the other people, ops and listeners, he's screwed over while hiding inside his Secret Hutch of Anonymity?

Meanwhile, CB wants everyone else to pretend we don't know who he is, and respect his anonymity.

Now that's ironic.

---

See Poet's blog for his description of the curious events involving his visit from the FCC: The Crystal Ship Has Run Aground."Curiouser and curiouser!" cried Alice, from her vantage point down the rabbit hole.

Fan Mail and the Pirate's Paradox

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
-- Oscar Wilde

---

We're honoured to find that Commander Bunny enjoyed our most recent Tale of Radio Paranoia, and even offered editorial assistance. We're also grateful to Father Poet of The Crystal Ship for contributing some well considered counterpoints to Commander Bunny's critique of our tale.



A tip o' the dunce cap to Kracker, who suggested the correct spelling of his name. And whilst we're appreciative of the opportunity to correct our error, we're puzzled by his choice to post this publicly on the FRN. We've blurred out the name and location. Meanwhile, the FRN post has vanished.

We appreciate Kracker's usual enthusiasm and readiness to get into character by donning the traditional leprechaun costume to perform some sort of ritual gardening.

---

Commander Bunny also contributed a few editorial suggestions (the unexpurgated version of CB's e-mail may be viewed on Poet's TCS blog). Whilst perusing CB's words of wisdom I was reminded of a variation of Epimenides Paradox:

1. All pirates are liars.
2. I am a pirate.

* * *

"We've been falsely accused of sharing a mailing list with Kracker.

"ITS NOT TRUE."
-- Commander Bunny, 18 July 2011

* * *

Ah, we see there is some perfectly understandable confusion here. We meant that in the same sense that there have been numerous Commanders Bunny. It was another, presumably fictitious, Commander Bunny who provided that information. As we noted in a March 2011 Tale of Radio Paranoia, there have been - much like the Dread Pirate Roberts - many Commanders Bunny throughout his-story. See "Commander Bunny's true identity revealed!"

Unlike the former Commander Bunny, who was well respected for sagacity, generosity and sense of humour, the current Commander Bunny is prone to occasional indiscretions in the sense that a trollop is prone to occasionally dropping her bloomers whilst singing "A farthing a blow! Three for a ha'penny!"

When was the former Commander Bunny displaced by a humourless usurper? Remember the Commander Bunny who had a sense of humour about himself? Good times, good times.

* * *

"Shame I have to even send this email, but the website "Radio Paranoia" has been spreading lies and false information about me and its time to set the record straight." --CB

* * *

We're guessing the Commander hasn't read the masthead for our trifling scandal sheet and metafictional scribblings.

Perhaps, as well, he overlooked those "X" shaped and arrow shaped icons near the top of the browser page. Clicking on either one will relieve the angst provoked by this disreputable eyesore of a blog.

Don't like it? Don't read it. Works just like the tuning dial and volume control on your receiver. I know CB has heard that advice before, because he's given the same advice before.

* * *

"Since the website has only 6 or 8 people who infest it, I felt it better to send an email to you directly. And I've found that if I don't counter the lies, they are taken as fact and spread among the "do-nothings" in the hobby, who want everyone to think they "know something" when they actually don't." --CB

* * *

Oh, our infestation is far worse than only 6 or 8 people, even discounting my own sockpuppets. We can scarcely brew a pot of Earl Grey, hawt, without a few more do-nothings showing up at this mad tea party, eating up all of Evil Elvis's mushroom canapés and then nattering about metaphysics with the Cheshire Cat.

* * *

"For whatever reason this guy "Guise Faux" who was also "Guy Fawkes" of KBOX..."

* * *

Guy Fawkes! That provocateur? I don't recall making any public statements confirming that he and Guise Faux are one and the same. Next you'll be telling me there's no Easter Bunny.


Guy Fawkes is as real, distinct and separate from Guise Faux as Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer, lovemyradios, Winston, et al, are from Commander Bunny. Those are almost certainly real people, for why would a pirate of Commander Bunny's stature and fearsome reputation need to pillage a sock drawer to muster support?

* * *

"...(who I kindly relayed)..."

* * *

Whoa, old feller, don't dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back. But thanky "kindly" for that relay.

Semi-seriously for a moment (cue the violins), I'll paraphrase from an e-mail I send to Andrew Yoder earlier this year after WEAK got the knock...

...99.99% of KBOX and related programmes were relayed by WEAK, a genuine hero and friend of pirate radio.

He was consistently a friend and mentor. Very few listeners and pirates realize how prolific he was. Broadcasting almost every week for two years, and often several times a week, WEAK relayed many shows, both older classic shows and new programmes. Yet he rarely claimed credit. He never took any credit for relaying KBOX or other programmes I produced, or those produced by others who were cutting their teeth in pirate radio.

He is good natured, humble and discrete, the antithesis of the high profile "international relay service" approach of WBNY. He never sought public accolades, never made a sport of insulting listeners or other pirates and - unlike Commander Bunny - never, ever stooped to slandering other ops or listeners in a desperate bid for self aggrandizement. He simply quietly set out to make shortwave radio fun for listeners. And he succeeded.

Whilst WBNY has occasionally listed KBOX amongst the stations he has relayed, in fact WBNY relayed only our very first programme and we have had no other association with WBNY since 2009. Even with that particular 2009 WBNY relay, we received far more signal reports from WEAK's relays of our first KBOX programme. He was so diligent in pursuit of the craft of broadcasting that by autumn 2009 WEAK's audio quality was amongst the best in sideband mode, on par with WTCR and Wolverine. I learned a lot from him about how to prepare the audio in our pre-recorded programmes for optimal results in noisy conditions at the trough of the solar cycle.

WEAK's relays of our programmes included:

• KBOX #1, in the autumn of 2009 (which WBNY also relayed, thanky kindly, your hareness).
• KBOX #2, our Halloween 2009 show (we snoozed through 2010).
  
• Gumby Radio, Jan-Feb 2010, our wee salute to Art Clokey.
• Family Friendly Radio, spring 2010.
• KBOX #3, aka Radio Paranoia, autumn 2010, the predecessor to this penny dreadful we call Tales of Radio Paranoia.
  

WEAK took all of the risk and asked for nothing in return. He's so discrete that even after two years of regular correspondence I still didn't know his name or location until after he got the knock. If I send out only one QSL card in my lifetime, it will be to him. (Sorry, but so far I've issued only those eQSLs that offend His Hareness. But I was happy to prepare unique eQSLs for some listeners and most were of sufficient resolution to make good postcard sized prints at home or in a minilab.)

And WEAK was a genuine fan of free radio, logging any and all pirate shows equally, without regard to cliques, without resorting to sockpuppets to log himself (I'm looking at you, bunnyman), and with as much enthusiasm as any DXer. There aren't many people in the pirate radio scene I'd regard as genuine heroes. He's at the top of my list. He'll be greatly missed as an active free radio operator. (Fansome would be high on my list of pirate ops if not for that obsession with the chipmunk voiced Belinda Carlisle. Yes, yes, I understand it was necessary for national security, but still...)

And, for what it's worth, WEAK did not relay the cut-up/remix I did of CB's audio from the 2006 "pirate feud" show, mixed in with other randomized audio bits. If you still have a banana up your bum over that remix and any broadcasts thereof, your beef is with me and me alone. (See: "7 Minutes to Hell - Part 1", for which I still need to write the followup article, describing CB's hysterical slandering of the wrong person, along with publishing names, ham radio call signs and addresses for the poor schlub's family - one of CB's prouder moments, no doubt.)

If I never do another thing in pirate radio (including figuring out which bits of the transmitter plug in where), I will always be grateful to WEAK for his selfless friendship and encouragement.

And if I never do another thing but blog about pirate radio, I will always be grateful to Commander Bunny for being the larger than life melodramatic caricature of Snidely Whiplash in fursuit we all know and love to toss popcorn at. I doubt any writer, under the influence of any sort of mind altering chemicals, could concoct a more complex and colourful character. Well, other than Eric Cartman.

And dat's da facts, Jack.

* * *

"You didn’t get reception reports because your show S-U-C-K-E-D!!!!" --CB

* * *

Aww, thanks, nice of you to notice.

* * *

"...has decided his role in pirate radio is start false rumors, and spread lies about pirate operators."

* * *

Don't fret, sparky, I promise not to steal your "All who defy my will are child molesters" shtick. You jumped the shark with that particular bit of hysterical fiction.

* * *

* * *

"This low-IQ, slack-jawed, lip-drooling, asshat, Guise Faux is a liar and is destroying pirate radio LOLing at my frightening arsenal of propaganda and talking points from the 'Big Bunny's Book Of Scary Things To Say On The Interbutts'."

* * *

Aww, you sweet talker, you. In all the hundreds of times you've regurgitated that particular line to almost everyone else in pirate radio, I never thought you really, really cared until now.

* * *

"If he put half as much time and attention in producing shows, instead of spreading lies about pirate operators, he could be a respected member of the pirate community."

* * *

Ooohhh... you sly wabbit. You almost had me until that bit about "respected member of the pirate community." You're funny.

* * *

"It is because of this jackass, that I no longer will relay anyone. Apparently relaying his station wasn't enough for this asshole, he had to start an all out smear campaign trollercoaster full of lies lulz and gossip against me."
-- Commander Bunny

* * *

Eh, your transmitter, your risk, your call. Personally, I think you should consider making an exception for Voice of Next Thursday. Gabriel Syme's programming is damned clever stuff. Actually prompted me to listen to the classic Orson Welles Mercury Theatre On The Air episode and the audiobook version of Chesterton's novel. Good way to pass some time, what with the sunspots taking a holiday.



Incidentally, on Poet's blog a reader commented:

"There is no honor among thieves."

So true. And perhaps the pithiest possible summation of the near-continuous state of turmoil in the North American shortwave pirate scene. Commander Bunny is merely following in the tradition of despots and seagoing pirates who cultivated fearsome reputations and enforced their power by occasionally sacrificing a follower who'd lost favour with the leader.

The sage who first said "Lead, follow or get out of the way" omitted a fourth option: Be the jester and troll the fuck out of 'em.