by Guise Faux
According to a WBNY blog press release published and quickly retracted this weekend, Tales of Radio Paranoia has learned that self-esteemed shortwave radio slandercaster Commander Bunny and veteran support hose master Pat Murphy will join forces for a new radio team that may be heard as far away as the ramshackle hutches and abandoned pickup trucks on cinder blocks in the Lagomurph's back yard.
"We're calling it 'Murphy in the Moaning With a Wild Hare'," said Murphy referring to his penchant for moaning and whining about how the internets and IRC are evil and ruining pirate radio.
"No, that's ridiculous!" protested Commander Bunny. "The show is named 'Commander Bunny and the Double-Faced Dipshit Who's Been Riding My Coat Tails For a Decade', the Lagomurph insisted.
Commenting on the merging of Murphy's primary strength as a Goebbels-style communications adviser and the Bunnyman's fecundity in producing sockpuppets to support his internet celebrity, Murphy said:
"Any fool can buy a computer and put up a website. My new partner Commander Bunny is proof of that. And there is no standard of truthfulness, to keep people from not only telling lies, but passing them along, as CB has demonstrated week after week on his blog. Lot of completely false information that is passed along as truth. I, for two, am really excited about this opportunity to join my better half in making ourselves famouse."--Pat Murphy, FRN, "Internet? Good thing? Or the devils phone booth?" March 24, 2012
The tentative show format will consist of:
- Rehashed monkey jokes and South Park audio clips, making Rich Koz's 'Svengoolie' shtick seem witty in comparison.
- Bribing listeners with refrigerator magnet and bumper sticker tracking devices.
- Munching cecotropes (known as "brown M&M's")
- Accusing rival morning radio teams of being pedophiles.
- A fake suicide prevention hotline where they encourage callers to commit suicide.
- Bitching about lawyers and the cost of liability insurance after the above.
- Debating the differences between sluts and trust fund bitches.
- Filing complaints to the FCC and Industry Canada about pirate radio operators.
- Darning socks while reminiscing about the good ol' days when you were lucky to hear a pirate once a year and used spark gap telegraph to notify friends about pirate broadcasts.
- Whining about Undercover Radio being clearly heard worldwide by real listeners rather than resorting to FRN sockpuppets to log WBNY baby monitor transmitter shows nobody actually heard beyond the Lagomurph's backyard polk salad garden.
- Arguing over whether the internuts is a series of tubes or a big truck.
- Giving each other back rubs.
- Picking up their final paychecks after a week of the above.
"Group hug!" enthused Murphy to his new partner, as he bundled together half a dozen socks and stuffed them into his underpants.
"I'm really looking forward to working with these guys," declared Commander Bunny, as he patted the sock bulge in his new co-host's trousers. "They have a proven track record of worshiping me and reassuring me that I am the greatest shortwave pirate ever," the Lagomurph panted as he continued to lovingly stroke the bulge.