--Joseph N. Welch, to Senator Joseph McCarthy, June 9, 1954
"Don't overestimate the decency of the human race." --H. L. Mencken
Schlock jock Pat Murphy & The Moaning Crude of WBNY - aka Commander Bunny and his sock drawer - upped the ante in his continuing bid for the top spot in the Liarbitron shortwave pirate radio ratings by taking out a full page ad in trade journals confessing to rampant sockpuppetry, misogyny and multiple personality disorder.
Coming on the heels of his Operation Misogyny campaign, launched October 20th to cyber-stalk and harass women in the shortwave radio hobby, Murphy said he hopes the new ad will secure his position as the Worst Fucking Human Being Ever to Key Up a Microphone. Recipients of that coveted lifetime achievement award include Tokyo Rose, Lord Haw-Haw, Axis Sally, Casey Kasem and Guy Fawkes.
"I know the competition is stiff," said Murphy. "I'm up against truly repugnant fellows like Pastor Peter J. Peters and Karol Madera (VE7KFM), who for the past decade has dominated the shortwave radio Liarbitron sweeps as the most loathsome man behind the mic. Those guys on the 14313 USB kHz splinter of the 20 meter band are incredibly prolific, admirably vile in a way I can only dream of, and crank out booming signals that can actually be heard world wide. I'm lucky if the feral cats in the rusted out trucks in my backyard can hear my 10 watt signal."
"But," he continued, "I'm confident in my support hose team of Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer, Bill O. Rights, Officious Pus Release, RF Burnz, lovemyradios, Winston, '2531', MIB, theguardianus, Bob Smith and a few other sleeper socks waiting to be involuntarily activated the next time my myxomatosis related dementia kicks in."
Murphy admits it will be very difficult to top Madera in terms of sheer hours on the mic and resilience. "Madera takes as well as he gives. He can absorb verbal punishment that makes me cringe," said Murphy. "I'm really a coward. I can't tolerate even the slightest hint of criticism and I'm incapable of discerning the difference between humour and insult. To compensate for being a paranoid pussy, I've developed a large posse of sockpuppets to support me when I'm incapable of mustering a rational argument or playing the dozens without starting to cry."
"I really believe my versatility in creating a complete cast of support hose characters is my strong suit," Murphy asserted, while speaking to sockpuppets on both of his hands. "Yes, yes, it is," agreed Beans.
"You're the greatest," assured Bill O. Rights, who was absently doodling the words "nasty", "bloggers", "ruining" and "fun" on a napkin. "Notes for my next dozen blog posts," he explained.
"Did I use sockpuppets? Yes I did."
--Commander "Stockingstuffer" Bunny, 13 May 2011
"Its one thing to be critical of another's work, but exposing them to an FCC bust is unforgivable. Shameful conduct," said Murphy. "So that's exactly what I'm going to do."
Murphy plans to tout his many pirate radio accomplishments in the upcoming ad campaign.
Under his many aliases and sockpuppets, the man in the Commander Bunny suit attempted to have authorities shut down a rival Canadian shortwave pirate station in 2011. In 2009, under his support-hose monikers Beans and Official Press Release, the Lagomurph baited another station operator into an argument and then publicly posted the fellow's home city. Murphy has been accused of informing against other pirates, most recently The Crystal Ship.
More recently a blogging blitz by the Virginia Bunnyman has enhanced his reputation as the most deranged broadcaster who isn't on the 75 meter or 20 meter bands.
"Why use a 'blog' to harm others?" wrote Murphy on his WBNY blog earlier this year. "Well... because it's damned fun! For me, at least."
Among his many accomplishments in pirate radio:
- Murphy garnered coveted firsties by repeatedly posting the actual address for John Poet of The Crystal Ship, even though that specific information was not on the FCC warning letter.
- Murphy perpetrated a blatant hoax to blame and frame a shortwave listener for the TCS bust, and continued his
pitiablelaughable insistence on the lie long after his hoax was revealed.
- He used his multiple sockpuppets to repeatedly slander perceived rivals and enemies as "pedophiles"- thus finally achieving his lifelong goal of becoming indistinguishable from Karol Madera (VE7KFM) and the cannibal hamsters who haunt 14313 USB.
- Recently the Bunnymurph insulted and harassed women shortwave radio fans who had nothing to do with Murphy's delusional, fabricated paranoid grievances - Gayle Van Horn (respected Monitoring Times magazine and Shortwave Central blog columnist) and Corq, a 133t DXer with mad skillz - characterizing one as "in-bred" and another as a "bitch", "bull dyke" and other colourful pejorative epithets that are sure to win over the next generation of women in radio.
- Murphy continues to misrepresent a 2008 automobile accident in which a West Virginia DXer was injured. According to law enforcement officials, the radio hobbyist known as Alex explained "I was trying to run over a rabid rabbit and lost control of the vehicle, nearly plunging off a bridge. The officers thanked me for at least wounding the critter." Deputies shot and killed the varmint which turned out to be one of the many deranged Virginia Bunnymen who haunt the hills in that region.
For all these achievements in the black arts of chicanery, generalized misanthropy with a specialty in misogyny, flagrant sockpuppetry with brazen disregard for the sound of facepalming heard 'round the world, unrepentant lying and nut-tucking that would make Scrat and Jame Gumb envious, Tales of Radio Paranoia offers best wishes to Pat Murphy in his continuing quest to secure a spot as The Worst Fucking Human Being Ever to Key Up a Microphone.
Tales of Radio Paranoia got a sneak peek at Murphy's
upcoming Liarbitron ratings blitz ad.
upcoming Liarbitron ratings blitz ad.
Our intrepid rumours and graphics editor, Dea Fauxnette, is disGuising herself in a city of refuge whilst waiting for the current outbreak of mad-hare myxomatosis-driven cyber-stalking to run its course.
Correction 11/5/11: This article, written by Pheme Ossa, our Senior Women's Issues Correspondent, was originally incorrectly credited to Guise Faux. The attribution has been corrected. Our apologies to Ms. Ossa for the error.