Top Ten Coolest Pirate Deaths

by RADIO GOD Nero Domingo,
former Washington DC talk jock

Illustration by Indoor Gnome

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In recent weeks we've been informed that Commander Murphy or Pat Bunny have/has-been implying he/they possesses deadly multiple fursonality disorder sniper powers and his enemies should quake in fear of his myxomatosis infected spittle mad skills.

  (That is, when he wasn't busy under his Robert W. Smith and other aliases

fondling Dave Hughes' nutsack trolling DCRTV's mailbag. Info per DCRTV insiders.)

At least, that's how the Virginia Bunnyman's aides-de-camp nuthuggers described it.  However, we know the Bunnyman all too well.  (For instance, we know what he carried in that briefcase at WROV - spare bunched panties.  He wears 'em all the time, especially while blogging.)  After examining the data and video evidence, what we observed more closely resembled an America's Funniest Video segment in which a fat guy trips over his manboobs, looses his balance and flounders along at full gallop for 50 yards, arms flailing wildly, before finally belly-flopping onto a meadow muffin.

(Presumably the Lagomurph will claim he meant to do that to get steadier aim with his Nerf gun. --GF)

And since Commander Buttmunch seems awfully obsessed with the topic these days, that got us to wondering, which would be the coolest and least cool ways for a pirate to die?  We propose the following...

Coolest ways for pirates to die:

1. Keelhauling
2. Flogging
3. Yardarm lynching
4. Blunderbussing
5. Cutlassing
6. Beard fire burns
7. Scurvy
8. Shark
9. Spear
10. Electrocuted while performing 440v 3-phase mod

Least cool ways for pirates to die:

1. Head shots by Navy SEAL snipers
2. Poop decked
3. Myxomatosis
4. Auto-erotic asphyxiation while wearing bunny suit
5. Snitching to FCC
6. Strangling on own sockpuppets
7. Giant ghost pirate sock monkeys
8. h4xx0rd
9. Tiger.  Fucking tiger.  Never get outta the boat.
10. And the least cool way of all... Murph-Nerfed

Fear the Murph-Nerf!!!

JTA Puts Final Nail in FRN Coffin

"A culture jamming war would do no one any good.
 The information overload online is already
 overwhelming and confusing enough."

--By Paul Root Wolpe, Special to CNN, 7/24/12
"Was the Shell oil hoax ethical?"

"Fnord 'em if they can't take a joke.  Or not."
--The Chao of Poo

Special to Tales of Radio Paranoia

by General Shun, DXing Professional

illustrations by Lauren Sheng

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For reference by future generations of pirate radio fans and historians, the FRN died in July 2012.

The corpse may continue to show occasional spasms and zombie-like animations, between the annual domain lapses, but the FRN you once knew is defunct.  It has ceased to be.  It has shuffled off this mortal coil.  It ain't pinin' for the fjords.  It is an ex-parrot.  What you see now is an open grave, a cheap casket with few mourners, and a tombstone etched with a pitiable epitaph: "Herein Lies... lies."
 

The onetime "Free Radio Network" had been on life support since the late 2010-early 2011 mass exodus toward safer sanctuary on the HFU and FRC.  In April 2012 John T. Arthur took the FRN off life support but the brain-dead body clung to a vegetative state of meager existence until July 23, 2012 when JTA put a knife through its heart... from behind its back, of course.

Recently JTA, longtime Belfast, NY mail drop operator and erstwhile FRN cat herder, advocated exposing the identities and locations of shortwave pirate radio operators who'd been "dumb enough to be busted" by the FCC.

In so doing, JTA surprised some of us who, perhaps naively, had once regarded him as a somewhat uncommon voice of reason and sanity in an undeniably quirky hobby.  There was a time, on rare occasions, JTA dared to counter the increasingly insane abuses of Pat Murphy's numerous sockpuppets.  That time is no more.

Specifically he joined "Commander Bunny" of WBNY in repeatedly naming the operator of The Crystal Ship, and, by logical inference, advocating exposing the identities of other pirates who'd met with similar misfortune.  By this same logic, any op who'd gotten The Knock, a NOUO, warning or other FCC enforcement action can expect to see their names, addresses and personal information repeatedly posted on the FRN, the WBNY blog and Facebook pages and everywhere the Virginia Bunnyman pauses to munch a load of his own night poops. This should alarm not only every station operator who has been the subject of any FCC action, but also every active station operator who still uses the Belfast mail drop.

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"Why are we still referring to him by his sock puppet name "John Poet"?  If he was dumb enough to get busted, he doesn't deserve to be called anything but Greg."
--John T. Arthur, operator of Belfast, NY, mail drop. "6925 AM Music and Crying" thread, FRN, July 23, 2012

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Aside from willful ignorance of the difference between an alias or pseudonym and a sockpuppet, JTA also demonstrated to countless free/pirate radio operators and listeners, who have entrusted him with their names and addresses, that respect for personal privacy is subject to whim.  Those posts underscore the disease of hypocrisy and hubris that quickly decimated the FRN after the 2008 "pirate war" led to Pat Murphy (aka, Jerry Michael Graves) resigning his position as site administrator taking his toys and stomping off in a huff... or a minute and a huff.  Thence he donned full time the bunny garb of Lagomurph & His Sock Puppet Crew of Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer, et al.  This myxomatosis infection spread to full butthurt level by late 2009, by which time his delusional, paranoid hostility, slanderous accusations of enemies as pedophiles and generally questionable closeted aspirations had metamurphosed the FRN into his personal vanity site resulting in a mass exodus to friendlier radio hobbyist websites.

A few of the faithful cling to the corpse, like flies on shit pitiable mourners who can't bring themselves to face reality and bury the body.  They're misled pagans and wannabe druids worshiping at the ruins of a Stonehenge, not realizing the structure never was what they'd been led to believe.  They thought the FRN was a supportive community for pirate fans to exchange info and tips on neutral ground.  Instead it was a temple occupied by an increasingly paranoid, delusional cult leader, his sock drawer acolytes, a minuscule remnant of actual minions and his ever faithful homunculus goon bred from the Lagomurph's sperm and ample supply of bullshit.

Reviewing the old FRN threads chronologically reveals how the site began dying from Murphy's slow poison.  The illness progressed rapidly around 2005 when the toxic effect of his pet homunculus interjected itself.  The Lagomurph's sockpuppetry finally choked the spirit of a once lively and generally gregarious site.  JTA's comments this year merely nailed the coffin shut on a rotting corpse.  All that remains now is to bury or burn the thing.

Cryptically and somewhat ironically, a reply to JTA's April 2012 thread, seemed to hint - wittingly or not - at the rotten core of the bond between the mail drop operator and the Lagomurph:

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"Want a list of a lot of the folk involved in pirate radio and their addresses? Put a station on the air and offer QSL's."

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At this point it is difficult to tell whether JTA's recent comments were mere recklessness born of frustration over seeing the once proud FRN deteriorate to the level of a bad joke, or carefully contrived to reassert pirate radio as being only for a select group of bad boys.  Either way, he's pandering to the mentality of Murphy and Kracker in advocating an abrasive style that makes the FRN inhospitable to most people who prefer their personal privacy be respected - ops and listeners alike.

Perhaps most humiliating of all for the Lagomurph and his puny FRN coterie, nobody is intimidated any longer.  The Felching Rabbit Nuthuggers have become at best irrelevant and at worst a laughingstock.  Several new stations have emerged with solid signals that reach across the continent and even the world, unlike the WBNY signal that entertains only the varmints in his backyard hutch.  (I will confess to once having heard an authentic WBNY broadcast via my carradio while I was driving near his hutch.)  The hobby continues to draw new listeners.

The loss of trust in the Belfast mail drop is also a loss to traditional DXers who enjoyed receiving QSL cards.  But time marches on and somehow we manage to adapt, even without the Lagomurph's Trojan Bunny gifts festooned with increasingly bizarre symbols that seem to belie a latent obsession with nude men and suicide, even in preference to his former passion for monkey boys.

For what it's worth, many of us who received QSLs courtesy of JTA's mail drop are - or were - grateful for his efforts.  But everything has its limits.  A few postcards and postage stamps don't buy the right to slander fans of a niche hobby or abuse access to personal information.

A comment on Poet's TCS blog last year seems more appropriate now than ever:

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Anonymous
August 6, 2011 6:10 PM

"The fact is CB is only a part of a cancer that has existed in SW Free Radio for many years.


It's very telling seeing which individuals who like poor magicians attempt sleight of hand deception tricks with their words and deeds in an attempt to make excuses or suggest doubt about the events that are now known by the public. It's the same crap that certain career politicians in Washington use every day. Just say something over and over and maybe it will trump the actual facts. Maybe people will believe it if one repeats something enough times. Or maybe people will just forget in time what happen.


Until the remaining cancer is exposed to the public for what it is, the community will continue to suffer. The worst part of the cancer is JTA. And Zeller is no better. They will cover for each other and watch each other's backs regardless of the unethical behavior perpetrated by their core individuals. They smile to your face, but watch out what happens behind your back!


These individuals will continue to look the other way when wrongs are done by their friends just as they have countless times in the past.


Their lack of ethics bonds their members in common cause simply by association. The result is that no matter what the collective group does as a result of its aggregate ignorance, loyalty to one another will always and forever outweigh any evil actions that may be undertaken. Simply put, for these individuals, truth by association trumps morality.


Pirate operators should be wary! And be careful!

Snakes cannot be trained!"

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See Poet's follow up and additional information on this topic.

Fink Noise Part 2: The "Bob Smith" email

From Profile Photos

by Guise Faux,
aka The *Real* Commander Bunny

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As Pat Murphy plays another of his endless supply of ass-in-the-hole cards, we see he rewrote his act baleeted his self-incriminating shitpost this week. Now it's even unfunnier. Great success!

On Wednesday he posted a WBNY blarg aimed at Doc John of Northern Relay Service, in which the Lagomurph again attempted to expose the identity and location of a "rival" free radio operator.  Friday, apparently in a panic, he disappeared the incriminating post.*

Murphy has suffered from dumped girlfriend syndrome ever since late 2010 when several programmers sensibly opted for Northern Relay Service in addition to - or instead of - the mighty 8 watt WBNY "International Relay Service."  Since the two stations had entirely different coverage areas there was no overlap and no reason to consider it competition.  But that's in the real world.  In the Lagomurph's paranoid delusional bunniverse, everything revolves around him.  (Hint: Those are just cecotropes revolving around you, bunnyman.  NOM-NOM-NOM!!!)

Throughout 2009-2010, Murphy morphed the FRN into the For Rabbit Nuthuggers site through relentless pimping of the WBNY relay service, with many hilarious jealous tantrums and self-loggings when other stations were logged more often than his own.  Even Andrew Yoder's log of Northern Relay Service on the FRN was disappeared in early 2011.  Since then the jilted hare-terror has indulged in a relentless stalking campaign, apparently inspired by Glenn Close's performance in Fatal Attraction, and Sean Young In Real Life.

Coincidentally on Wednesday this week, we learned of the existence of an email confirming Murphy snitched out the Canadian shortwave pirate radio station last year.  (See: Fink Noise: Connection Confirmed Between Pat Murphy and Snitching on "Rival" Pirate Radio Operator)  The email echoes some of the same information repeated in Wednesday's WBNY blog rant, strengthening the connection between "bobsmith6955@yahoo.com" and Murphy.  In his frenzy of endless vendettas, Murphy apparently forgot he'd used the same email address numerous times under various aliases online - including Usenet and a genealogy site - leaving a trace of IP headers tracing back to the same Newport News, VA, IP connected with his ebay vendor, as well as a listing of her Newport News address in connection with Murphy's regional political activity in Virginia.

Here is the "Bob Smith" email complaint about Northern Relay Service, to Yellowknife Amateur Radio Society, dated February 8, 2011 (redacted for privacy).  Note that the next day "Bob Smith" emailed Doc John in a faux-friendly gesture, urging him to go on-air (See: "House of Games: 'Bob Smith' con's-piracy").

(7/21/12, 2325 UTC update note: Minor format revisions to clarify separations between emails from YARS and Bob Smith.  Unfortunately the Blogger platform doesn't easily accommodate multiple nested indents, so horizontal rules have been inserted to clarify separations.  Note that Bob Smith appears to be quoting to YARS an email he had *already* sent to the Industry Canada office in Saskatoon, implying that Murphy had indeed already complained about Northern Relay Service to both YARS - an amateur radio club - and to Industry Canada, the Canadian regulatory enforcement agency.  Recall that last year Doc John also said he got a call about this from a CBC reporter, indicating that Murphy had also complained to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.  When further documentation is available it will be published here. --GF)

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From: Yellowknife Amateur Radio Society (email address redacted)
To: (redacted)
Sent: Wed, Jul 18, 2012 5:16 pm
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pirate Radio Yellowknife inquiry

Hi (name redacted),

Yes, we got a complaint from “Bob Smith” – see below:

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From: Bob Smith (mailto:bobsmith6955@yahoo.com)
Sent: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 5:07 PM
To: (Yellowknife Amateur Radio Society)
Subject: Need help catching pirate radio operator


I have sent this to the Saskatoon office but you should be aware of this violator in Ft. Smith. He is disrupting Radio, TV and computers in the Ft. Smith area. Please, PLEASE take action to stop this outlaw.

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(Note: Here, "Bob Smith" appears to be quoting a copy of the email he'd already sent to Industry Canada. --GF)

I wish to report a Pirate radio station in Ft. Smith in the Northwest Territory. It is located near (address redacted) street, right by the Aurora College Campus. He is identifying himself as "Radio Yellowknife" and "Northern Relay Service" and coming in on TV's Radios and computer speakers at the college campus and nearby houses. He is transmitting on 6930 and 6940khz in the shortwave band. He is, I am told by a Ham Radio friend, "running some big power" to be coming in on tv's, Radio's and computer speakers many blocks away.

My weekends are a nightmare as this "pirate" is running his big powerful transmitter non-stop for many, many hours.

You would be doing the good people of Ft. Smith a great service to stop this illegal operation and abuse of the broadcast spectrum.

Any help you can provide in helping to stop this pirate broadcaster would be appreciated. He is transmitting anti-Canadian programs and making fun of people in the Northwest Territories.

He is on the air Friday nights, Saturdays, Saturday nights and Sundays and Sunday nights. he's on like clockwork.

He comes on usually around 6PM local time and goes off sometimes after midnight, local time. He plays rock and roll music, talks about his love of "pot" and has many anti- Canada statements. He one program, called "Radio Yellowknife" comes on weekly, and then he also has what he calls, "Northern Relay Service" whatever that is.

many thanks, hope you catch this scalliwag.

Bob Smith

Ft. Smith

Here is additional information so you can "google earth" this pirates location.

IP address:(redacted)

country: Canada

IP Address state:Northwest Territories

IP Address city:Fort Smith

IP latitude:(redacted) longitude:(redacted)

:NorthwestelOrganization

:NorthwestelHost: (redacted)

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Other than that, I don’t have much information on this.  His name didn’t come up much,  and personally I never heard him on the air.

Regards,

(YARS, name redacted)

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The Lagomurph testifies about unsavory radio practices.

Did the phrase "the good people of Ft. Smith" ring any bells?  If you've read enough of Murphy's rants under his various aliases and sockpuppets, you'll recognize one of his "tells": the dualistic thinking of expressing everything as good vs nasty.  In Murphy's cosmology, you're either with him or you're with the terrorists.  Pretty much like George W. Bush, only Bush never nom-nom-nom'd his own night poops.  While he's not alone in using the term, phrases such as "good pirates" are most often associated with his rants on the FRN.
"IRC the destruction of Pirate Radio"
"Mother of Mercy! is this the End of Kracker et al?"

Another classic Murphy "tell": psychological projection or foisting off his offenses onto others.  It was actually Murphy, under his "Bob Smith" pseudonym, who introduced the topic of dope humor in his Feb. 9, 2011 emails to NRS, when "Bob" wrote "I may have to take a huge bong hit, and go over to the Mormon Temple and zone out!"  It was also Murphy who introduced any "anti-Canadian" issues with his sarcasm toward Mormons in Lethbridge, Industry Canada, etc.  Doc John didn't take the bait and, instead, set the bait for Murphy to trap himself by sneaking in a few jabs at Commander Bunny.


*NOTE: That WBNY shitpost was deleted on Friday.  Apparently the Lagomurph realized it echoed too closely the details of his email last year.  So in typical rabbit fashion, he ate his own poop.  Here's a screencap of that blog entry.  Note the specific location references between the February 8, 2011 email and July 18, 2012 WBNY blarg.  Murphy has a history of abusing access to IPs of FRN posters to harass his many enemies.  And as he does here, he also has a history of being hilariously WRONG in identifying the names and locations of perceived enemies.  Well, maybe not so hilarious if you're among the many people he's misidentified and slandered.  Fortunately for his lawyers, liability insurance company and psychiatrist, he can always fall back on the myxomatosis-influenced brain damage defense.

Mind the cecotropes, kids - wash your paws after reading:

Fink Noise: Connection Confirmed Between Pat Murphy and Snitching on "Rival" Pirate Radio Operator

From Profile Photos

by Graves Anonymous Voices of Greaves-us Dissent

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Karma is a funny thing.  And it's one of the Lagomurph's favorite and most often abused words - which the poor addled feller conflates with revenge and vendetta driven by his own delusional paranoia.  Understandable given his genetic Virginny hillbilly predisposition toward fussin' and a' feudin'. Combine those inbred vulnerabilities with a knock on his noggin from falling off his two-wheeler about 10 years ago and, as Hank Hill often lamented of son Bobby, that boy ain't right.

But karma is the closest thing we humans get to hipster cosmic irony.  It's the inevitable but wholly natural restoration of balance through events that seem spookily coincidental and fuck your shit up just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.

So imagine our surprise to find the existence of - mere hours after a Wednesday WBNY blog blurt purporting to expose the identity and location of yet another pirate op on the bunnyman's extensive enemies list - written confirmation that former broadcast radio personality and FRN administrator Pat Murphy (aka "Commander Bunny", aka "The Lagomurph", aka a dozen aliases and sockpuppets documented here before) had, indeed, snitched out Doc John of Northern Relay Service and Radio Yellowknife to Canadian authorities.

This, via the infamouse "bobsmith6955@yahoo.com" persona documented at tedious length in our very own RP yellow journal last year.  (See: "House of Games: 'Bob Smith' con's-piracy")  Copies of those emails were reproduced here, along with definitive IP links tracing back to the Lagomurph's home turf of Hampton Roads, Virginny, as well as to his replies on a genealogy site (known to be one of Murphy's hobbies) and his "Bouncer" alias on Usenet when he posted arrest records for a DXer several years ago during one of Murphy's many vendettas.

Now, friends, that "Bob Smith ratted out Doc John" rumor had circulated 'round the nether parts of the ether for nigh unto a year plus a blue moon plus a coupla fortnights.  And RP has documented before the pathetically inept attempts by the bunnyman to con Doc John, which the crafty Canuck flipped around into one of the internet's all time most hilarious counter-trolls ever.

"We have learned through the high frequency underground that email evidence is in hand linking Pat Murphy to snitching out a pirate radio station operator."

What we lacked was a copy of the actual email proving "bobsmith6955@yahoo.com" did indeed file a complaint against Northern Relay Service in an attempt to silence a rival pirate radio operator.  Well, dear readers, we have learned through the HF underground that email evidence is in hand which incontrovertibly links Pat Murphy to snitching out a pirate radio station operator, an action generally regarded as an unpardonable sin amongst the community - according to Murphy himself in many online rants under his own name and his various radio aliases and online sockpuppets.

Reliable sources tell us the email will be published soon, with a Wikipedia entry cross-linking the evidence.  When that becomes available we'll reproduce it here.  But we've seen the email and it confirms not only the rumors circulated last year, but is even worse in terms of the Lagomurph's desperation to silence a free radio operator whose only offense was to dare to offer an alternative to the WBNY 8 watt "International Relay Service", and to broadcast a clever parody of the bunnyman's paranoia, the "Paranoia News North".

In retaliation for this unpardonable offense to the Lagomurph's delicate ego and withered huevos, Murphy abused his access to the FRN via numerous sockpuppets, his WBNY programs and WBNY blog (hosted on Ragnar Daneskjold's domain), and Facebook page to publicly slander another free radio operator as a "pedophile".  (Recall that this is not the first time the Lagomurph has resorted to this tactic.  Apparently he sees pedophiles under the straw in his hutch in the same way Jerry Sandusky saw them in the mirror.)

Nevertheless, the former administrator of the FRN (one-time Free Radio Network, later the For Rabbit Nuthuggers only site, now the Forgotten Radio Nothing tumbleweeds and dust bunnies site) remains as an occasional poster - usually logging his own WBNY broadcasts.  He also heads the board of the North American Shortwave Pirate Radio Hall of Fame, where he can exert some spin on whatever remains of the rotting remains of his legacy.

Pat Murphy. Respected broadcast radio professional. Creative free radio programmer.
Lavish gifter of elaborate QSL packages.
Blog blurting bunnyman.
Leader of the Rat Fink Revolution & Host of Fink Noise on WBNY.
Petty, vindictive, paranoid multiple-fursonality myxomatosis-infected snitch.
Everything that makes pirate radio the most fun you can have with your
pants around your ankles and your brain on the floor.

Funniest of all, he continues using his WBNY platform and Commander Bunny persona to hawk his "real" QSL packages.  No doubt, those QSL packages are lavish and enticing pogey bait (you ex-Marines like Murphy will recognize the significance of that term**).  Just keep in mind he uses those QSL packages to harvest personal information about you - your names, addresses - and history shows he will not hesitate to abuse that information in his on-air and cyberbullying vendettas.

And while we once were inclined to give John T. Arthur - operator of the longtime Belfast, NY, mail drop - the benefit of the doubt, JTA's comments in April this year defending Murphy's reprehensible actions show, unfortunately, that it's probably unwise to trust the Belfast mail drop (see: "Analysis of an FCC Visit" from April 14, 2012).  Also, frankly, JTA's comments read like they were scripted by the bunnyman himself - doesn't really sound like anything the normally levelheaded JTA has said before.  We're hoping he was held hostage at carrot-point and forced to write that to offset another of the Lagomurph's bouts of myxomatosis rage.  BE WARNED.  ALL UR DOX R BELONG TO CRAZY OLD COOT.

If you have any doubts about respect for privacy, just peruse his WBNY blog blurts (hosted on the domain owned by pirate radio observer Ragnar Daneskjold, who might oughta reconsider providing safe hutch-haven for the loose-lipped lunatic Lagomurph - why not kick the critter to the curb and tell him to get his own domain rather than stinking up your house?).  Over the past year, hiding behind his bunnyman mask of sooper sekrit invisibility, Murphy has repeatedly slandered and exposed names and locations of at least a dozen different pirate radio operators, listeners and even some innocent bystanders who had absolutely zippo, nada, bupkis, to do with any pirate radio fracas - notably respected radio journalist Gayle Van Horn, to whom Murphy owes a sincere and very public apology.  And we're confident that will happen... as soon as Murphy grows a pair.  And we don't mean Easter eggs.

On the other hand, if you're a veteran of the U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene and friendly with these folks, by all means, take advantage of those extravagant WBNY QSL packages.  Guise Faux tells me he received his this year, courtesy of an intermediary mail relay, and treasures it in the same way he treasures his reliquary that features Hitler's missing testicle, a braid of Blackbeard's chin whiskers tangled with a bit of slow match, Sarah Palin's ventriloquist dummy (curiously nicknamed "Kracker"), the late Jay Smilkstein's homunculus (also curiously named Kracker),  and the desiccated husk of Murphy's integrity.  However, Guise reports he's puzzled by the appearance of a saliva encrusted oxycontin and anti-dementia medication stuck to the WBNY t-shirt.  Presumably the Lagomurph drooled a bit while packaging up the pogey bait.

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Related background info for new readers:

• Fink Noise Part 2: The "Bob Smith" email
• Barefoot bunny is happy bunny!
• The Irony of Anonymity
• House of Games: Bob Smith con's-piracy
• Myxomatosis Madness Alert: Bunny Frames DXer
• WBNY Changes Format From Misanthropy To Misogyny, Stalking. Commander Bunny Declares "The Fun Is Back!"

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**We received a couple of questions about the term "pogey bait". Brown Nose the Pirate chipped in this clarification, courtesy of SSgt M., whom Brownie described as "the sole survivor of an ambush that wiped out his squad. During PT he'd yell 'Pain is beautiful, bud!' He was hard as gravel, twitchy from PTSD and had a big heart. Last time I saw him he was in psych eval after going zombie during night exercises when some blanks and firecrackers were set off to scare the recruits."

     "According to SSgt M., whom I trained with in '75 just after he got back from his final tour in Vietnam, it's not geedunk - sweets or treats used to create goodwill with the locals. It's more than mere geedunk. Back then, pogey bait had an underlying implication of something seamy, unsavory, even sexual in nature. It may be contraband, black market goods, booze or drugs used to curry favor with prostitutes or sex with minors and boys - specifically, pogues. Pogue was one of those words with multiple nuanced meanings. Nowadays it mostly refers to the admin and support guys away from the fighting. The original connotations have been lost. It meant trash fish to fishermen. Pogue was fresh girly-boy meat to older guys cruising for a BJ. It was bait to lure the pogues.
     "And sometimes the pogues were used as pogey bait to lure the Marines. And sometimes the naive young Marines on guard duty fell for the pogey bait, got sloppy, let their guard down... and people got hurt. They got caught in embarrassing situations and coerced into relaxing security or revealing confidential information.
     "So, take my advice," said SSgt M., "be wary of older men pretending to be your friend and trying to soften you up with pogey bait. They're gonna want something in return, and it probably involves a reach around."

Video Documentary Project About Community, Free, Pirate Radio

This arrived in our email last week via Andrew Yoder.  Many of our readers have already seen it.  This post is primarily for those who may not be on those email lists, which may include station operators who have never publicly given any contact information.

My initial reaction was skeptical - but not toward Andrew or Professor Hepler, in the slightest.  I'm confident that Andrew is as fair, neutral and objective an observer as you'll find anywhere in the shortwave pirate radio scene - certainly far more so than I am.

Personally I'm looking forward to Professor Hepler's documentary and sincerely wish him well in that pursuit.  There's no lack of colorful characters and anecdotes in the North American shortwave pirate radio scene.

Note that I added the "free" and "pirate" radio descriptions to this post's headline due to the nature of the readership of Tales of Radio Paranoia.  As the professor's letter explains, he prefers the less pejorative term community broadcaster.

In a rare break from this blog's usual snarky tone, I'll reserve further comment for a later blog post.

--GF

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Dear community broadcaster,


I write asking for your help, but I don't call you "pirate" because I believe that miscommunicates what I'm finding to be your motivation and purpose--and I'm just back from meeting the original offshore broadcasters of Holland and England who similarly broke barriers in the English Channel in the 1960s.


I am a college professor doing a video documentary on both causes: yours and the historic broadcasters of the 1960s. I am very aware of the persecution going on among you U.S. broadcasters and your need for confidentiality. Toward that end, I interviewed a community broadcaster at Winter Fest outside Philly a few weeks ago--in silhouette--and that interview should be attached with Andy's email for you to see. The interview brings good news and good news--no kidding--in that the guest got to express his views and our silhouette completely protected his identity. This is what I offer you: a chance to express your views at no risk.


I have already been asked to present this finished documentary at Winter Fest next year, though I await an official invitation. I will present it to a national conference of educational colleagues in April 2013, and perhaps to the professional broadcasters' conference (the NAB) if they'll have me. After that, I suppose any further distribution would be up to Europeans or other interested parties, should such interest come about.


I leave for a 5-week trip across the U.S. around May 1. With your say, I'd like to give you a chance to be a part of this work if you're anywhere near my route. Your confidentiality--and message--are everything to my documentary. With your approval, I will honor both. Thanks for your consideration.


Wayne Hepler
Professor
Baltiimore, MD
(4*1*0) 6*8*8-3*9*0*0
whepler@harford.edu

HERETIC DENIES EXISTENCE OF COMMANDER BUNNY: Murphy thanks JTA "for taking out the trash"

From Profile Photos

Evil Anonymous Voices of Treason

---

"Commander Bunny is not real," declared Belfast, NY, mail drop manager John T. Arthur, a veteran of the U.S. shortwave pirate radio scene.  This astonishing news, posted in a recent commentary (Analysis of an FCC Visit) on the Former Rabbit Nuthugger's website, shocked his disciples and confounded DXers.

But, he warned, "The bad attitude is still out there," gesturing toward the ramshackle hutches and festering mounds of cecotropes surrounding the FRN,  a potential breeding ground for myxomatosis reinfection.

"Thanks for taking out the trash, JTA," said FRN propaganda minister Pat Murphy, as the last vestige of the Lagomurphic infestation was eradicated. "Needed to be done for a long time."

We interviewed several sage observers of the tumultuous radio hobby for their reactions:

"Thank God, maybe now JTA will stop mailing those WBNY fridge magnets with gay porn on them."

Matt Purphy
Burger King Rabbit Griller

"No, no, no, Commander Bunny is only mostly unreal."

Miracle Max
Wizard

"Oh, great, what the hell am I going to do with all these 'Commander Bunny: FCC Snitch' bumper stinkers?  Oh, well, if he isn't real then it isn't possible to expose him, insult him or destroy pirate radio.  So that's a good thing."

Stop Sign
Unemployed

 "He must be real.  I just slept with him last night!"

Coney Twentytwelve
Nude QSL Model

"Commander Bunny is as real as that Alaska bridge.  My dummy Kracker and I can see him from my house!"

Sarah Palin
Ventriloquist

"Inconceivable!"

Vizzini
Super Genius

"Okay, JTA, I'm only giving you two more chances to deny me.  And you couldn't tell me this before I spent all that money on Lucifer's Testicles and browsing gay porn for my fridge magnet QSLs?  And spent Easter weekend on a cross?"

Commander Bunny

Nonexistent

Man In Bunny Suit On Cross Would Like To Come Down Now

GOLGOTHA, Easter, 8 April 2012 - A Hampton Roads, VA/OBX, NC, man in a bunny suit who spent the better part of Easter Sunday transmitting secret messages while hanging from a crucifix to which he nailed himself on Friday would like you to know that he's only going to put up with your lack of fealty and shenanigans for another hour or two before he has a good mind to come down and not send you any gifts.

---

"The Passion of the Lagomurph" by Thomas Kinkade, his final painting

---

"I spent the better part of March tweaking my Grenade transmitter, mounting my Super Loop antenna atop this crucifix, dying eggs, weaving baskets, hand-crafting grass from organic materials," said the clearly peevish man in the tattered pink fuzzy costume, "not to mention countless hours browsing gay porn sites and printing photos of nude men on refrigerator magnets... and the best you can do is 'Decent signal into WNY for a change.'?"

"I must say, this is going to put a serious damper on my enthusiasm for some of you after I'm resurrected," the man intoned carefully and deliberately, wanting you to understand the full extent of his disappointment with your failure to log his Easter weekend shortwave pirate radio broadcasts. "Ppbbbt! Ppbbtt!" he added, trying to use his tongue to dislodge a bit of pink fuzz that had fallen onto his lip.

Meanwhile, Thomas Kinkade, famed 'Painter of Light' and 'Pisser of Pooh', was resurrected Sunday after his unexpected death Saturday, April 7.

"It's a family tradition," explained Jesus. "Every year we have the pick of two assholes, one of whom gets the Paradise ticket with me."

Said the Risen Son of God, "It was an easy choice this year. Kinkade made a lot of grandmothers and great aunts happy."

The Messiah added, "We received lots of affidavits extolling the virtues of the fellow in the bunny suit, but upon investigation they all turned out to be his own sockpuppets. Besides, my Father, The Holy One, Blessed Be He, takes a dim view of fellows who fondle Lucifer's Testicles. His ticket is for the southbound train."

THOMAS KINKADE, 'PAINTER OF POO', HAD BAD FRIDAY, WILL BE BACK SUNDAY. COMMANDER BUNNY INVESTIGATED IN CONNECTION WITH SUSPICIOUS EASTER DEATH

by Pheme Ossa
Senior Discordian Correspondent

---

Kitsch artist and self-described "Painter of Poo" Thomas Kinkade, 54, died Easter weekend just as detectives were investigating his connection to shortwave pirate radio slandercaster Commander Bunny of WBNY. The notorious Virginia Bunnyman has been under investigation for distributing obscene and libelous materials through the U.S. Postal System.

Kinkade's final diary entry, in a lovingly hand-crafted traditionally bound journal, revealed the artist may have been ill. "Bad Friday. Hope to bounce back Sunday," read the cryptic Easter eve entry written in fountain pen and India ink, $127.99 at any authorized Kinkade gallery, on artisan crafted watermarked paper, $19.99.

Pressured by accusations of fraud, facing bankruptcy and mounting legal bills, Kinkade's most recent commission was Photoshopping heads of "enemies" onto nude male bodies for Commander Bunny, which sources say revealed the Lagomurph's secret gay porn obsession. The Virginia Bunnyman covered his tracks by claiming these were for QSL packages, which sources confirm were mailed to puzzled radio listeners. "I didn't ask for this shit," exclaimed an Ohio DXer. "I've never even heard Commander Bunny's baby monitor broadcasts. Nobody has beyond his own backyard hutch." Added the baffled pirate radio fan, "I"m burning this crap before I get arrested."

"Commander Bunny apparently thought I did pervy porn because he misspelled my name 'Kink Aid'," the self-described 'Painter of Poo' told investigators recently. "Commander Bunny had discussed a commission painting him as a nude crucified messiah of pirate radio," Kinkade revealed in affidavits. "He seemed to want to emphasize these would be nudes because he capitalized and underlined the words 'Commander Bunny', 'Nude', 'Messiah' and 'Lucifer's Testicles'."

---

Wikipedia entry for Thomas Kinkade, 'Painter of Poo', April 7, 2012

---

Kinkade died during a peaceful slumber, a single perfect aromatic candle burning nearby and casting a warm orange glow through his mountain cottage window, where the light glistened across a snow covered garden 'neath a crystal clear sheltering sky bathed in full moonlight on a beautiful Easter eve.

The angelic ghost of Bob Ross paused a moment from painting happy trees to welcome Kinkade to his heavenly reward. Grandmothers and great aunts across the nation joined in mutual mourning.

In a darker side to this story, police speculated Kinkade may have been murdered. His body was covered in Peeps marshmallow residue and traces of Easter basket grass were found in his nostrils. Authorities suspect he may have been murdered to prevent him from revealing the Bunnyman's plot to hide his gay porn distribution and blackmail business under the guise of mailing QSL packages. Documents - written in flowing calligraphy on finest parchment ($17.99 per 10 sheets) - seized by police from a lovely oaken rolltop desk ($1,449.99) in Kinkade's cottage, indicate the painter had discovered the Lagomurph planned to use his QSL porn distribution to blackmail recipients into revealing the names and locations of all shortwave pirate radio operators and listeners.

Unavailable for coherent comment at press time, Commander Bunny recently admitted in a work request found in the artist's home that he had become obsessed with what he described as "the chiseled abs, well toned calves and shapely buttocks of a certain Michigan pirate and West Virginia scofflaw." Sources who are uncomfortably close to the Lagomurph say he had apparently become conflicted due to his simultaneous infatuation and revulsion over finding himself attracted to fearless outlaws and men who flout the petty laws of polite society.

Investigators say they have found evidence that Kinkade's death might be linked to an attempt by the notorious Virginia Bunnyman to cover his tracks. As of press time, investigators were searching through closets throughout the Hampton Roads, VA, and North Carolina Outer Banks region. "We've found evidence of the Bunnyman's presence in several closets," said a detective, holding up baskets full of Lucifer's Testicles, known to be one of Commander Bunny's addictions. Attendees to the 2010 SWL Winterfest reported seeing the lonely Lagomurph sitting at a table hawking t-shirts, refrigerator magnets and bumper stickers, and asking male DXers to pose for Polaroids.

Web traffic patterns indicate The Furry Rabbit Nuthugger's website, formerly known as the Free Radio Network, experienced a sharp increase in hits from Russian porn mob sites, the FCC and a number of Westboro Baptist Church Castrato Choir members in response to Commander Bunny's use of the FRN to solicit trafficking of his obscene and libelous "Easter QSL packages".

Commander Bunny of WBNY trafficking in obscene and libelous materials on the FRN,
described by sources as his "Furry Rabbit Nuthugger" porn site.

---

Details and photos will be added to this story as they become available.

Commander Bunny Doesn't See Anything Good This Friday, May Pass Over This Easter

Iconography by Dea Fauxnette

---

Surveying the wreckage of his once formidable following of sockpuppet disciples, now tattered and scattered by heavy losses over a yearlong series of skirmishes, shortwave slandercaster Commander Bunny of WBNY pawed sadly through his empty drawers, two days before Easter, and moaned "This is not a very Good Friday."

"Eagerly have I desired to eat this Passover with you," he mumbled, munching on cecotropes while dispiritedly kicking the frayed remains of Beans, Mosby, Thumper, Bouncer and a pile of unrecognizable fragments of fabric, stiffened by repeated dousings with what the Bunnyman calls "Holy Water" sprinkled from his "Peter Cottontail".

When last seen the Lagomurph was building a cross made from leftover unclaimed QSL packages, stuck together with bumper stickers.

"My socks! My socks!" he sobbed, "Why have you forsaken me!"

NEVER FORGET

---

Right click to save this full sized 1532 x 1000 Holy Relic for your desktop wallpaper.

Murphy and Commander Bunny, together again for the worst time!

by Guise Faux

---

According to a WBNY blog press release published and quickly retracted this weekend, Tales of Radio Paranoia has learned that self-esteemed shortwave radio slandercaster Commander Bunny and veteran support hose master Pat Murphy will join forces for a new radio team that may be heard as far away as the ramshackle hutches and abandoned pickup trucks on cinder blocks in the Lagomurph's back yard.

---

---

"We're calling it 'Murphy in the Moaning With a Wild Hare'," said Murphy referring to his penchant for moaning and whining about how the internets and IRC are evil and ruining pirate radio.

"No, that's ridiculous!" protested Commander Bunny. "The show is named 'Commander Bunny and the Double-Faced Dipshit Who's Been Riding My Coat Tails For a Decade', the Lagomurph insisted.

Commenting on the merging of Murphy's primary strength as a Goebbels-style communications adviser and the Bunnyman's fecundity in producing sockpuppets to support his internet celebrity, Murphy said:

"Any fool can buy a computer and put up a website. My new partner Commander Bunny is proof of that. And there is no standard of truthfulness, to keep people from not only telling lies, but passing them along, as CB has demonstrated week after week on his blog. Lot of completely false information that is passed along as truth. I, for two, am really excited about this opportunity to join my better half in making ourselves famouse."

--Pat Murphy, FRN, "Internet? Good thing? Or the devils phone booth?" March 24, 2012

The tentative show format will consist of:

• Rehashed monkey jokes and South Park audio clips, making Rich Koz's 'Svengoolie' shtick seem witty in comparison.
• Bribing listeners with refrigerator magnet and bumper sticker tracking devices.
• Munching cecotropes (known as "brown M&M's")
• Accusing rival morning radio teams of being pedophiles.
• A fake suicide prevention hotline where they encourage callers to commit suicide.
• Bitching about lawyers and the cost of liability insurance after the above.
• Debating the differences between sluts and trust fund bitches.
• Filing complaints to the FCC and Industry Canada about pirate radio operators.
• Darning socks while reminiscing about the good ol' days when you were lucky to hear a pirate once a year and used spark gap telegraph to notify friends about pirate broadcasts.
• Whining about Undercover Radio being clearly heard worldwide by real listeners rather than resorting to FRN sockpuppets to log WBNY baby monitor transmitter shows nobody actually heard beyond the Lagomurph's backyard polk salad garden.
• Arguing over whether the internuts is a series of tubes or a big truck.
• Giving each other back rubs.
• Picking up their final paychecks after a week of the above.

"Group hug!" enthused Murphy to his new partner, as he bundled together half a dozen socks and stuffed them into his underpants.

"I'm really looking forward to working with these guys," declared Commander Bunny, as he patted the sock bulge in his new co-host's trousers. "They have a proven track record of worshiping me and reassuring me that I am the greatest shortwave pirate ever," the Lagomurph panted as he continued to lovingly stroke the bulge.

RADIO MISSES YOU, WANTS YOU BACK, WILL CUT HERSELF IF SHE HAS TO

A Valentine's Day Plea
by guest correspondent Lana Del Radio

---

"Hi, baby, it's me. Happy Valentine's Day! Have you missed me? Oh, baby, don't be that way... it's me, your radio bunny, Miss Radio! You know, as in 'Do you or don't you Miss Radio?' And I'd be like, 'Oh, what don't I do!' You used to love that joke. Okay, okay, please don't hang up. I know, I know, you got that restraining order and I'm not gonna talk long, I just wanted to say..."

Did he hang up on me? He did NOT hang up on me! I'll cut myself, I swear I will...

"Hi, baby, me again. I think we got disconnected. Okay, I know sometimes I get crazy. My shortwave signal is kinda fickle, and sometimes I get drunk and behave like a myxomatosis infected rabbit on krack. My FM is mostly same ol', same ol' Classic Rock. Remember that Meat Loaf song we made out to, "Paradise By the Dashboard Light"? Yeah, great song. I don't play that anymore, it's too long. Mostly my FM plays the same Led Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ Top songs I've been playing for 30 years. And my AM is like, all, 'Nyah-nyah-nyah, Obama stinks.' 'Yakkity-yakkity-yakkity, liberals are dumb.' 'Weep-weep-weep, ah jus' luv mah country an' ah fearz fer it!' 'Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, Occupiers are just spoiled trust fund bitches.'

"But I can change, lover, just take me back, I can..."

Did he hang up on me again? He's in there with his fancy web radio bitch, I just know it. I will kill them both! No-no-no, I want to cut myself...

"Do not hang up on me, you bastard! Okay, wait, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, you know how kooky I get sometimes, you used to love that about me. Just wait-wait-wait... hey, baby, lover, let me play my new radio theme song for you. Do you like it? It's a big hit... well, on the internet, anyway. I think maybe a local college station played it once. Then they went back to playing that edgy Tom Petty and Springsteen stuff."

Okay, you're rambling, girl, get it together, focus... okay, I'll cut myself just a little... ooohhh... okay, that's better.

"I was just a little hurt that you didn't call me on my special day. World Radio Day, silly! Oh, you never heard about it? What about the Radio Netherlands article? Oh, you didn't hear it because RNW discontinued their broadcasts to North America. Well, what about this Shortwave America blog post? Or this Engineering Radio blog post? Oh, you don't even read articles about radio anymore? What about the e-mail reminder I sent you? My Facebook and Myspace posts? Oh, you're on Google+ now, okay. Or my IM? Oh, you didn't see it? You're on Twitter now, oh... well, what about my post on Google Groups? Oh, you wouldn't go near Uselessnet unless you were behind seven proxies, okay."

Think, radio, think... I've got to win him back. I need him to need me! Without his fawning adoration, and indulgence of my occasional... okay, frequent, temper tantrums, I'm nothing. Oh, I know what'll work...

"That blood on my wrist? Oh, that's nothing - just some routine staff cuts. Hey, did you like that huge unsolicited QSL package I sent, with the t-shirt, ball cap with the LED doodad on the visor, refrigerator magnet and bumper stickers? You like the 'Property of Radio Bunny Dominatrix' logo? See, I posed for you wearing the bunny ears and leather bikini and coax tail sticking out of my...

---

"Does she let you tickle her rectifier with a cat's whisker? Does she let you shove your big, hot 6L6GC in her socket?"

---

"Oh, you didn't receive it? Well, okay, I'm just gonna stick them in your mail slot now. Well, yeah, silly, I'm right outside your door now! Okay, the package won't fit. I guess you'll have to open the door. No, no, no, I know, the restraining order... just open the door a crack and I'll slip the package inside. No, no, I won't come in, I'll just, y'know, wait here. I'm good, I'm calm."

Don't screw this up, Miss Radiopants, be cool, be cool...

"Okay, thanks. See, I can be reasonable! Here's the package and... what's that in your hand? Is that an iPhone? Is that the Pandora app?!!? YOU BASTARD, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU BOTH!!! YOU'RE MINE, DAMMIT, MINE!!!"

Oh, that was stupid-stupid-stupid. Okay, okay, deep breath, Miss Radiopants, you can handle this.

"Baby, wait-wait-wait, don't close the door... this Pandora... she's cute, okay, if you like that boring, predictable high quality audio without the broadcast radio compression and limiting that interferes with the full dynamic range of the original recordings. But does she take requests and dedications? Does she let you tickle her rectifier with a cat's whisker? Does she let you shove your big, hot 6L6GC in her socket? Does she cut her entire staff and replace them with automation, like Jackshit FM? Because I do, baby, I do... all for you. Oh, come on! Work with me here! I'm doing the best I can, what with corporate domination of AM and FM, and poor propagation on shortwave!"

Radio Paranoia's Best & Worst of 2011

"...anybody can do one of these lists. There's no objective standard as to what the 10 best are." --NPR's wimpy way of saying top 10 lists suck.

"Top Ten Lists Suck. A Lot."
--Michael Hodson, Go, See, Write

by Guise Faux
Illustrations by Dea Fauxnette

---

We already knew we sucked and we're ruining pirate radio. That was our driving force throughout 2011. Just ask Commander Bunny.

But when National Public Radio told us at the end of December, just as we were drafting our Top Ten list for 2011, that our Top Ten list for 2011 already sucked even before we'd published the damned thing, well... it just gave us the excuse we needed to take a few weeks off. After all, if you can't do a thing well, do it late.

Pheme Ossa took an indefinite leave of absence to work the Ron Paul campaign. We suspect she's doing it ironically, especially since she's wearing her Goldwater '64 campaign t-shirt. Last I looked, I spotted at least three of her sockpuppets on the comments sections on the Ron Paul and Alex Jones sites. She claims it's necessary to defend against the NSA and Mosaad sockpuppets. And I thought I was paranoid.

To cover the Consumer Electronics Show, Brown Nose the Pirate requisitioned an El Dorado convertible and a pint of raw ether "for the Caddy's carburetor". On Friday the 13th he Tweeted: "You know what's great about CES? No, seriously, do you? Because I can't remember a thing."

Last we heard from him was a voice message late Saturday night: "Turn it up!" he screamed. "Just as high as the fucker can go! And when it comes to that fantastic bit where the rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to throw that fuckin' radio into the tub with me!"

We hope he has a good attorney. We also hope Vegas hotels all have GFCI's in the bathrooms.

Before we headed off for Umbrage Island for a sanity break, Dea whipped out the "obey" poster for Commander Bunny in the now-classic Shepard Fairey Roddy Piper style. And if you don't grok the original reference (nope, not Obama, although he clearly is a reptilian), then you've never been forced to kick ass because of an unexpected shortage of bubblegum.

Now that we're back and caught up on comments since the December 25th blog, we surmise that you bastards really love gossip, rumors and scandals. And we love our readers for that.

Rather than a Top Ten list - mostly because we can't think of 10 really significant events from 2011 that are relevant to pirate radio - we're going with a Best & Worst list. In the end, most events were both the best and the worst of 2011.

#1 Best & Worst of allll tiiime!
Was there any doubt? The manic meltdown of WBNY's Commander Bunny dominated the North American shortwave pirate scene throughout 2011. To steal a phrase from the late, lamented Passport to World Band Radio, nothing has provided hour after hour of amusement like the Bunnyman's 2011 antics. Commander Coney & His Lost Planet Sockpuppets earn the Tales of Radio Paranoia top spot for being, simultaneously, the best and worst of 2011.

Rampant sockpuppetry. Forgetting which alias said what to whom, followed by frantic revisions on the FRN. Lying about perceived enemies. Fantasizing about pedophiles under every Canadian woodpile like he'd barely escaped the clutches of some bizarre fantasy cult. Manic blurt-blogging with increasingly frantic incoherence (at one point hitting a record high four paranoid blog posts in a single day). Misogynistic cyber-stalking. Harassing and repeatedly dropping dox on "enemy" ops and listeners alike.

Throughout 2011, it wasn't a question of what the Lagomurph would do next; it was what wouldn't he do next? Whether under his two best known pirate radio pseudonyms or his best known "real" name, he left no stone unturned and no bridge unburned in his desperate pursuit of enemies, real or imagined.

***

Worst of the Worst - Tales of Radio Paranoia
...for noticing #1, and blogging about it.

***

Worst Waste of Tax Dollars - FCC targets HF pirates again
Confirmed knocks and/or written or oral warnings included WEAK and The Crystal Ship. That follows on the heels of at least three warnings in 2010 (one confirmed by the station operator, two unconfirmed).

Actual impact on shortwave pirate radio activity? Hard to estimate. Available data is biased, although not necessarily deliberately. The traditional bastions for North American pirate radio logs - the FRN and Free Radio Weekly e-mail newsletter - tend to be dominated by ops and listeners from a smallish geographic region. If you stick a compass on the southwest corner of Pennsylvania and draw a 500 mile diameter circle, you've probably encompassed 85% of the pirate stations and listener logs reflected in the FRN and FRW. But does that mean 85% of all N. American ops are within that circle? Don't bet on it.

Reference: DIYmedia: Anti-Pirate Enforcement Plummets in 2011

***

Worst Toadying to Media Tyrants - Anti-Pirate Legislation
Nope, not anti-pirate radio. But the misguided, corporate-schlong-sucking SOPA/PIPA legislation (temporarily allayed last week) threatened to be even more menacing than anything the FCC might cook up. Because media megaliths have the lawyers and clout to arm-twist the courts into actually prosecuting and penalizing people for pirated media-ware.

SOPA/PIPA and related efforts may rank even higher than renewed FCC enforcement because it potentially affects not only broadcasters but programmers, bloggers and anyone actively involved in free radio. So far FCC penalties are a pittance compared with the potential fines for pirating intellectual property - music, movies, etc.

Relevant references:
Positions of US Representatives (SOPA) and Senators (PIPA):
Senate: PROTECT IP Act (PIPA)
House: Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA)

Oh Internet: The Death of Megaupload, The Beginning of Web 3.0

"Frightening is the fact that Megaupload was hosted in Hong Kong- how did the US government manage to black out a site based in the other side of the planet? Perhaps even more frightening is that the take-down was performed without the help of the SOPA or PIPA bills written specifically for this purpose. It seems that the United States government already has the tools to impose its will upon foreign websites."

Salon.com: Two lessons from the Megaupload seizure

"Less than 24 hours after the SOPA victory, the Government seizes one of the world's largest websites with no trial"

Dimnet Tries To Be A Hedge Against DNS Censorship
Slate: Stop SOPA/PIPA
Motherboard: Dear Congress - It's Not OK to Be Stupid About the Internet
Motherboard: Break in Case of Censorship

Also see stories linked to: “Firefox Add-On Bypasses SOPA DNS Blocking”.

***

Best & Worst Cruise on de Nile - The FRN Capsizes, Travels Backward in Time.

And nothing of value was lost.

The Free Radio Network, with online roots dating back to the pre-web BBS era, missed opportunities to relaunch and reinvent itself at critical times during 2011. Numerous outages throughout the year could have been taken advantage of to rebuild the venerable site on a more robust platform and more stable servers. Instead the site followed Pat Murphy's lead in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Opportunities were squandered and longtime participants were alienated as Murphy seldom missed a chance to underscore perceptions that the FRN had become little more than his personal vanity site and a roost for the two dominant cliques.

Those perceptions were reinforced in December 2011 when the FRN faithful relocated to Free Radio North America on Google Groups. A quick peek at the group stats told the tale: early membership was mostly the Bowling League, Pat Murphy and a few veteran listeners who'd managed to remain neutral throughout the previous years of nearly continuous bunny-driven drama.

"They've actually sent the FRN further back in time. I honestly had no idea that was possible," quipped a waggish veteran of the US shortwave pirate scene, on the FRN cabal's abandoning ship for the Uselessnet reefs.

Google Groups, for those who haven't visited, is little more than tarted up usenet, one of the oldest and lamest incarnations of the interbutt. Throughout the previous decade uselessnet degenerated from merely a pile of fresh shit that was usually burning due to continuous flame wars, to fossilized dinosaur scat. No topical subdivisions within a group. No way to attach images, let alone the multi-media goodies available with newer implementation of phpBB like the Free Radio Cafe.

---

Dr. Who-Me? invites you and your socks to board the Fucktardis
for a journey back in time to the ass end of the interbutt.

---

Usenet manages to be even less secure than the FRN in terms of member privacy, although the Free Radio North America group does seem to manage to mask member IPs. That, at least, is a small improvement over most radio related uselessnet groups. But member e-mails are easily visible (click on the highlighted ellipses, or three dots in the partially masked e-mail addresses). And if those members are using the same nicks or e-mails they've used elsewhere on uselessnet, chances are their IPs have been recorded in the headers on rec.radio.whatever.

If you subscribe to the theory of Environmental Determinism, you know where this is heading. If it looks like uselessnet, farts like uselessnet and talks like uselessnet, eventually it'll degenerate into just another uselessnet pile of poop. For a peek at the fun times ahead, just Google the hilariously rabid-rabbit frothing from Murphy's various aliases back around 2006 - particularly "Bouncer" (bobsmith6955@yahoo.com) from Newport News, VA.

With a little luck, the FRN might be able to offer a work-release parole deal for Italian cruise ship captain Francesco Schettino. Reportedly he's now negotiating for the role of Quint in a remake of Jaws.

How did the FRN become a salvage case? The short version:

• Failure to upgrade to a more reliable, contemporary platform.
  
• Slowpoke servers.
• Annual outage as domain registration lapsed.
• Rampant, abusive sockpuppetry by former admin Pat Murphy.
• Murphy's repeated misuse of access to personal information to harass perceived enemies.
• Murphy's censorship of unapproved logs.
  

Meanwhile the HF Underground has offered a genuine sanctuary for free and generally friendly loggings and exchanges of information and opinion since 2008, on a more contemporary and stable platform with reliable servers. Ironically, the single notable flame war on the HFU, a couple of years ago, turned out to have been instigated by Murphy under one of his many sockpuppets.

And John Poet of The Crystal Ship stepped up the game by launching the Free Radio Cafe in the spring of 2011, offering an even more advanced phpBB platform that accommodates Flash videos and larger file sizes for direct uploads of graphics such as SSTV and QSLs. If there's been any rivalry at all between the HFU and FRC, it's been of only the friendliest sort. And Poet launched with a written commitment to respect member privacy, ops and listeners alike - something Murphy repeatedly demonstrated he would never actually do, regardless of his claims on the FRN.

While Cosmikdebris, on the Free Radio North America Google group's "What is this and should we care?" introductory statement seemed to extend an olive branch, he didn't make a convincing case for any real reconciliation. In fact, an objective, detached reader might be tempted to ask why any reconciliation would even be desirable, let alone necessary?

But we're not detached. Unless a detached brainstem counts.

At the risk of seeming to nitpick his good intentions, statements such as

"It's become increasingly evident to me that there are distinct disadvantages associated with the message board mode of operation for a community like shortwave free radio."

and

"Some people need to have their own board and their own hugbox. I don't have any problem with this. The three message boards have all been to various extents poisoned by the actions of one or more of their members or admins."

indicate there's little common ground. It would require quite a stretch to compare the occasional snarky remarks on the HFU and FRC with the years of abusive tirades and slanders perpetrated by Commander Coney & His Lost Planet Sockpuppets, as well as by the perpetual presidential wannabe's thuggish veep candidate.

So when Cos sez

"...I would love to see some kind of magic software be created that actually linked up the loggings sections of each of these three boards..."

it begs the question "Why?" The web is huge and diverse. For every hobby there are many completely independent and unaffiliated websites and blogs. There are plenty of good networking options for those who want them. But there's usually a very good reason why most participants on hobbyist and niche websites and forums prefer one over another, and may not want to be associated in any way with other sites despite sharing common interests. Murphy demonstrated that by trying to fuck up the HFU with his "RF Burnz" and "lovemyradios" sockmonsters. Same way he alienated virtually the entire European pirate scene.

Fact is, some twains don't need to meet. Rivers run just fine without having to hold hands or cooperate.

***

Worst Diagnosis - Damn You, Xenu!
The DSM eliminated Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/health/views/30mind.html

Crap. There goes another perfectly useful disorder. Maybe L Ron Hubbard was right about psychiatrists.

***

Best Goodfella News - Ragnar Bounces Back
Downside: In 2011 Ragnar put the popular Pirates Week podcast on hiatus while he recovered from carp 'n' grumble syndrome. I have long personal experience with that malady and sympathize completely.

Upside: In December 2011 Ragnar announced the launch of his new show, spotlighting classic pirate radio. So far I've listened to the first two Hall of Fame Spotlights. While I enjoyed hearing those classic shows, I'd like to hear more of Ragnar's narrative, perhaps some documentary style commentary to put the era into context. If he has time, editing some historical narrative into the existing HOF Spotlight shows would make 'em even better. He has a knack for it, a cheerful, friendly voice and an admirable ability to navigate the treacherous pirate waters and tempestuous personalities. In other words, the antithesis of Tales of Radio Paranoia.

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Worst Use of Radio
How important is radio? Important enough even the well financed drug cartels use radio.
"Mexico drug cartel Zetas have their own radio system"

Meanwhile, the murders and mutilations of Mexican journalists and bloggers at the hands of drug cartels should serve as a reminder that internet "anonymity" is not as safe as some may believe. This reinforces the concept of compact low power radio as a tool for regional communication in waging news, views and propaganda wars. In other words, true clandestine radio, not the entertainment oriented pirate radio we can afford to indulge ourselves in throughout N. America... at least until the drug war crosses our borders.

Related NY Daily News story on drug cartels using radio.

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Best Occupation of Free Radio?
Unfortunately I was unable to find any specific documentation or names to quote. But reportedly low power FM was used at some "Occupy" movement locations. Besides supporting non-violent anarchy, occupiers also helped contribute to the reminder that radio remains an essential tool of free speech. Whatever your thoughts about the Occupy movement - especially some of the wannabe hippie goofiness and disjointedness - it was a good thing if only because it provided an excellent example of exercising the First Amendment "right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Update 1/26/12 - found a few references for LPFM at "Occupy" events:
Occupy Fayetteville Facebook page
"Madison community groups find a voice in low-power FM radio"

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Worst Best Move
WBCQ moved from 7415 to 7490, reportedly to avoid QRMing official comms on 7416. On the downside, WBCQ is barely audible now on 7490. On the upside, some pirates are making noises about reclaiming 7415, which has a legacy as a pirate freq predating WBCQ. I still have some old copies of Passport from that era.

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Best Worst Prophecy
WYFR and Harold Camping, May 21 and October 21. The world didn't end - OR DID IT? 'nuff said. For reasons I cannot fathom, I just can't bring myself to a proper sense of ire over harmless old Brother Sominex. Besides, his Open Forum provided plenty of fodder for pirate spoofs.

Note: Jennifer Waits of Radio Survivor wrote the most balanced articles on this issue. Read 'em if you're actually interested in the WYFR saga.

Now, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, thank you for calling and sharing, and shall we take our next call?

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Worst Ruiner of Pirate Radio
Propagation. Or, rather, lack thereof. Once again, ManBearPig failed to produce sunspots. I'm super serial. And the year was riddled with Coronary Mess Ejaculations or "solar farts" as the phenomenon are known in the scientific community.

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Best Retrospective on Curmudgeonly Radio Personality
Okay, it's actually a rerun of a Slate article from 2009. But it's damned good reading. Steely Dan co-founder Donald Fagen's excellent retrospective about radio legend Jean Shepherd resonates both humorously and poignantly now in context of a certain US shortwave pirate radio personality.

"Like a lot of fine-tuned performing artists, Shepherd increasingly exhibited the whole range of symptoms common to the aging diva. He became paranoid and resentful of imagined rivals..."
--Donald Fagen, for Slate

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Best Creative Radio Paranoia
Just barely edging out Commander Bunny's WBNY "Three Ring Blogger Circus" production for 2011, Gabrielle Chana (aka Gail Chord Schuler), wants you to know that radio is being used to harass and destroy her, and the obscure objects of her desire: Brent Spiner, Hugh Jackman, Matthew McConaughy, Gerard Butler, Judge Terrance Jenkins and Vladimir Putin.

Be warned - the Jesuits have already destroyed Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Princess Diana; possibly Kim Jong Il as well. (Note: Substitute "the gray aliens" or "the Communists" or "trust-fund bitches" for "the Jesuits" and you'll have a summary of her manifesto, as well as Commander Bunny's.)

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Worst Omission - Who The Hell Do I Have To Piss Off To Make This List?
Finally, we are disappointed that neither Tales of Radio Paranoia nor WBNY's blog made Salon's 2011 hack blogger list. Alas, Katie Roiphe edged us out with a year-end blitz of boorish blarging. She even managed to surpass Commander Bunny in misogyny, if not in self-parody.

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Okay, your turn. What's your Best/Worst or Top Ten list for 2011?